# How I Met Your Mother — parent guide (208 episodes)

Source: https://watchwiththekids.com/how-i-met-your-mother.html
Scoring: violence, sex and language each 1–5; overall = the highest of the three.
Buckets: 28 all clear (1–2), 83 gray area (3), 97 hard pass (4–5).

## S1 E1 — 1. Pilot
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0101.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Ted meets Robin in a neighborhood bar, immediately becomes smitten and even scores a first date. But, when Robin must leave in the middle of the date, Ted can hardly wait to see her again, and his eagerness threatens to scare her away. Ted realizes Robin may not be as easy to catch as he had hoped, and it becomes apparent that he may have to meet a few more women before he finds his true love.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “And then you're engaged, you pop the champagne, you drink a toast, you have sex on the kitchen floor.”
  - “Don't have sex on our kitchen floor.”
  - “Well, I was 18, okay? I was a virgin.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Sort of looks like a Smurf penis.”
  - “When you go on a first date, you really don't want to say Smurf penis.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “So, you chickened out like a little bitch.”
  - “Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged? Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh? - Actually, I think it's cute.”
  - “What the hell.”
  - “Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up.”
  - “Kiss the crap out of that girl.”
  - “Look, obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met you love her, but it sucks that you can't.”
  - “If a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband because that's the stuff I'd be good at.”
  - “To one hell of a night.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Well, you're clearly drunk.”
  - “Oh, honey, champagne.”
  - “No, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne.”
  - “One you plan out for months, the other just slips out when you're half-drunk at some bar.”

## S1 E2 — 2. Purple Giraffe
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0102.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Ted hosts a series of parties at his apartment in an attempt to spend some time with Robin in a more casual setting.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “But may I suggest one little modification? BARNEY: That foxy young thing you were chatting up? Take her up to the roof and have sex with her.”
  - “Repeat after me, 'I will not have sex with Marshall.”
  - “Let's make out.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Or my underwear.”
  - “(SIGHING) - No underwear? - Not even slightly.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “I need all my blood up here.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Well, maybe in a few months after it's not so fresh we could all, you know, get a beer.”
  - “We could all get a beer now.”

## S1 E3 — 3. Sweet Taste of Liberty
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0103.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Barney is willing to go to any heights -- including 35,000 feet -- to spice up Ted's love life.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “It's just a whole bunch of condoms.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Why do I hang out with you? Why? All I wanted was to have a regular beer at my regular bar, with my regular friends in my regular city.”
  - “Now, if you want, you can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, taIk to the same people every day.”

## S1 E4 — 4. Return of the Shirt
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0104.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: Ted's whole outlook on his continuing search for love is altered when he rediscovers a shirt that has not seen daylight in years.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “Did you sleep with her sister? - No.”
  - “Did you sleep with her mom? - No.”
  - “We're not gonna have sex for at least a month, but you're awesome.”
  - “Desperate, please-don't-leave-me sex is amazing.”
  - “You know what else? 'My younger sister just got married and I'm about to turn 30' sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “'Cause now you're saying 'nipple' and it's $100.”
  - “50, but back when the stand first opened in 1955, you could get one for only a nipple.”
  - “Breast implants.”
  - “Wanna taIk mature? I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - “How many did you make? Say what you will about the porn industry, they're hard workers.”
  - “What do you guys think? You dumped a porn star? Friendship over.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “So you got beat up by a girl? Is that all you're taking away from this story? You got beat up by a girl.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, so much more wine.”

## S1 E5 — 5. Okay Awesome
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0105.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Ted and Barney hit the club scene with Robin, as Lily and Marshall try to partake in some more mature adult activities.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Not exactly a VIP room virgin.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “All right, what does VIP stand for in your little universe? Well, I know that the P is Penis.”
  - “Those were the four greatest and only breasts I have ever seen.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “It all began when Robin strolled into the bar and said - Say you're my bitch.”
  - “I'm your bitch.”
  - “My bitches! Check this out.”
  - “We're her bitches, too.”
  - “What the hell happened to these two? - Marshall and I are just growing up.”
  - “Isn't there a third Affleck brother? Keith Affleck or Brian Affleck or something? Holy crap! We just saw Brian Affleck.”
  - “Now damn it, we're gonna party.”
  - “These clubs are supposed to be fun, right? Why do I hate them so much? Because all of the stuff you're supposed to like, usually sucks.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I like wine.”
  - “Please tell me we can drink the wine now.”
- Homophobic jokes — 1 moment(s)
  - “Wow! Who knew being in a committed heterosexual relationship could make a guy so gay.”

## S1 E6 — 6. Slutty Pumpkin
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0106.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Ted makes his yearly pilgrimage to the rooftop Halloween party in search of a girl dressed as a pumpkin who he met years ago.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “I'm also a horny devil.”
  - “I have sex with my parrot all the time.”
  - “Wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy? It was carved in strategic places.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “Tarzan nipple blue.”
  - “How about we go on a Halloween double-date? I don't know, we were kind of thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people.”
  - “Victoria's Secret models prancing around in bras and panties, or Yale preppies reuniting their stupid a cappella group.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “This steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chops.”
  - “But nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is.”
  - “Here's the plan, and I crap you not.”
  - “What's that, left hand? Right hand sucks? Word.”
  - “This party sucks.”
  - “Take the damn picture.”
  - “Oh, go to hell.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “You guys got some weed? A little to the left, Marshall.”
  - “A cocktail she invented herself.”
  - “Tonight, I'm going up to the roof, I'm gonna have a few beers, I'm gonna wait for the slutty pumpkin.”
  - “Could this penguin be the slutty pumpkin? Excuse me? This is gonna sound crazy, but I met someone up on this roof four years ago and they mixed that cocktail, and they loved penguins.”
  - “(IMITATES ECHO) How do you do this, Ted? How do you sit out here all night on the roof, in the cold, and still have faith your pumpkin's gonna show up? Well, I'm pretty drunk.”

## S1 E7 — 7. Matchmaker
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0107.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted turns to a matchmaker to find love, he is sent away matchless.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Shake well, then sleep with.”
  - “(BOTH MOANING) I don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy.”
  - “Oh, mucho sexy.”
  - “All the games, the meaningless sex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “Although this transvestite hooker said he/she would do you for half price because you kind of look like John Cusack and his/her favorite movie was Say Anything Come on, Ellen.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “That's a perfect cocktail.”
  - “Wait, but if it's not here, that means Lily! - Robin! - What? (EXCLAIMING) (MOUSE SQUEAKING) - Oh, my God! It's real! - No, is it? Do something! No! What the hell was that? You trying to get it drunk?”

## S1 E8 — 8. The Duel
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0108.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Ted and Marshall decide to settle the battle over who will get to keep their apartment like "mature" men -- with a good old-fashioned sword fight.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Hi there, sexy.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, and I suppose you'll get a new roommate? Who's it gonna be? Barney? You know, he cooks naked.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “Look, if you're a hooker, I don't have a lot of money.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “My friend's been stabbed with a sword.”
  - “I stabbed Lily.”
  - “Maybe it's the massive blood loss taIking, but I'm starving.”

## S1 E9 — 9. Belly Full of Turkey
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0109.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 1/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted and Robin give thanks by volunteering at a homeless shelter on Thanksgiving Day, they are shocked when they see the last person they would ever expect doing good for others.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “I used to be, but I just wasn't enough woman for Ted, emotionally, or sexually.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Thanksgiving in a strip club.”
  - “And Walter would like a lap dance.”
  - “Just the lap dance would be fine.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube.”
  - “You peed on a church? I peed in an alley, which happened to have a church, which I did not see, because I was drunk.”

## S1 E10 — The Pineapple Incident
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0110.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After Ted overdoes it during a night out on the town, his friends help him to put together the pieces of his antics the next morning.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “She's like half boob.”
  - “It happened with half boob.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “These look kind of like blood.”
  - “After I hosed you down with the beverage gun, I brought you back here.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “And how'd you guys like the shots? - I drank all five, bitch! - I love drunk Ted.”
  - “What the hell happened last night? You really don't remember, super brain? So, Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily filled me in.”
  - “No dibs! (STUTTERING) No Oh, damn it! How quickly you all forget! I haven't puked since high school.”
  - “What the hell happened to my jacket? - Whoa.”
  - “Crap! Wait, this is killing me.”
  - “Damn it, Trudy! What about the pineapple? Sorry, sorry, sorry.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “That's the whole point of getting drunk.”
  - “(SINGING) I love everyone in this bar! And we love you, drunk Ted! Ted? Well, that explains the ankle.”
  - “We're drunk.”
  - “You turn off your brain for a night, and all you're left with the next day is a bad hangover, a sprained ankle and a pineapple.”

## S1 E11 — The Limo
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0111.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Ted surprises his friends with a styling and well-planned out New Year's Eve excursion around the Big Apple.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Thank God I got through! - Hey, sexy.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's not Moby! Oh, no, I know Moby, and that's Does he have a gun? Run! Oh, my God.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “So, where are you from, Natalya? - She Who knows? The former Soviet Republic of Drunk-off-her-ass-istan? Super drunk fantastic, huh? (MUMBLING) Isn't she awesome? - How are your feet doing, baby? - Oh, okay.”
  - “Laugh for the sad clown trapped on his whirling carousel of suits, and cigars, and bimbos, and booze.”

## S1 E12 — The Wedding
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0112.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Robin accepts Ted's invite to a friend's wedding, but thanks to Ted, the couple may never make it down the aisle.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Claudia and Stuart? I mean, I've hooked up with the odd lass who was beneath my level of attractiveness.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “I miss owning porn! - (SCOFFS) Dude, who doesn't? And, you know, I'll see some super hot model chick and I'll think, 'Why am I with Claudia? I could be with her.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “But, you know, I was drunk.”
  - “There's no way Claudia has been drunk for three years.”
  - “And come Saturday, little music, little dancing, a lot of champagne.”
  - “That's just That's Two vodka cranberries, please.”
  - “You remembered I drink vodka cranberries.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “This morning at the rehearsal, Claudia called our 7-year-old flower girl a whore.”

## S1 E13 — Drumroll, Please
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0113.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Smitten with a woman he meets at the wedding, Ted decides to play it cool for a change and his all night romantic adventure with her doesn't even lead to a kiss or a phone number.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I never hook up at weddings.”
  - “Why not? Because, we just hooked up last night.”
  - “I just got paid for sex.”
  - “The real Ted sounds real sexy.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “You're not gonna do it at your wedding? - Oh, yeah! I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, 'Crawl for it, bitches!' It's just what girls do.”
  - “And lurking just around the corner from those moments is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality.”
  - “Then, when I least expected it Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night? I had the most amazing night ever.”
  - “Now you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no.”
  - “I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake, and damn it, I'm gonna get some more cake.”
  - “Damn it, I have to see her again.”
  - “Crap or get off the pot.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Let's drink many beers.”
  - “My new husband and vodka cranberry, which cost $10.”

## S1 E14 — Zip, Zip, Zip
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0114.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Marshall and Lily decide to go away for their anniversary, Ted and Victoria decide to take things to the next level.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 9 moment(s)
  - “You've only had sex with one girl in your whole life.”
  - “And yet, we'd feel obligated to have sex.”
  - “Then one of us is gonna have to have sex with Ted.”
  - “We could've had sex three times by now.”
  - “…the girls you were into before, right? I take your silence as a yes, so, ergo, therefore, say I were to hook up with someone, say, I don't know, Robin, - you'd be cool with that, right?”
  - “Burn! Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old.”
  - “Who says sexual can't be sensible? Well, looks like it's gonna be just you and me.”
  - “Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering with just-a-hint-of-crazy eyes.”
  - “Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, just grab my boob already! Come on, guys.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Mother! (GUNS FIRING) Damn.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “How about a little more wine? - I'll get another bottle.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “I was this close to being a huge slut.”
  - “Slut would have been better.”

## S1 E15 — Game Night
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0115.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When a tape from Barney's ex-girlfriend is viewed by the gang, everyone must share their most embarrassing moment in order to get the full story from Barney on how she broke his heart and how their breakup changed him into the suit wearing bachelor he is today.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm thinking floor sex.”
  - “My life rocks! Money, suits and sex.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “(BARNEY YELLING) (SLAPPING) Well, wow, look at that.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “I said 'She's great' too many times, didn't I? You must really hate the bitch.”
  - “Backgammon sucks.”
  - “Damn it! If only I'd given you a fake tape and hidden the real tape in my purse.”
  - “Forget all that touchy-feely crap.”
  - OLDER TED: “Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way in hell I'm telling you this one.”
  - “Oh, crap! My mom sent cookies? Yeah.”
  - “To one hell of a night! (ALL LAUGHING) TED: And I drank.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, slut-alert! Oh, great, there it is.”

## S1 E16 — Cupcake
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0116.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Victoria is offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany, she and Ted are faced with some tough relationship decisions.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “It's all taIking and no sex.”
  - “All taIking and no sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “They can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Well, here's hoping he cheats on you.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Well, at least we get free champagne.”
  - “Dollar beer night.”

## S1 E17 — Life Among the Gorillas
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0117.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Marshall takes an internship at Barney's company, he changes his entire personality in order to fit in.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “But will you be happy, knowing you could have made her a lot happier? And all four are totally naked.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “I'm usually so good at being a boyfriend, but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch.”
  - “Damn it! I don't deserve these delicious cupcakes.”
  - “'This long-distance thing sucks, huh? 'Listen, I've been thinking and I really need to taIk to you tonight.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “But if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say? - Only when I'm drunk.”

## S1 E18 — Nothing Good Happens After 2 A.M.
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0118.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted accepts a late night invitation to Robin's place, the consequences prove to be disastrous.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “We should have sex.”
  - “Get involved? Who said get involved? I'm just saying we should have sex.”
  - “Where are you? Why haven't you called? I'm out hooking up.”
  - “Not from the bathroom of the girl that you're about to sleep with.”
  - “Having sex is fun.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, yeah? Then why are you wondering what she looks like naked? I am not Okay, even if I am wondering that, it's only 'cause you put it in my head.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “I would never cheat on her.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “It could happen! And so, really, what's it gonna matter in 50 years if I jump the gun by one night? Look, I know this is a moral gray area, but it's Robin.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Or we could just drink wine.”

## S1 E19 — Mary the Paralegal
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0119.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When the gang is invited to a banquet to support Robin for a local news nomination, Barney secures a hot "date" for Ted.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “To bring to the banquet and hang out with ironically - or to actually have sex with? - Yes.”
  - “B, you get to have sex with her.”
  - “' - Who had sex for money? - Nobody.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Even better, triple threat, hotter and bigger boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 6 moment(s)
  - “By escort, you mean prostitute? - Why not? - Because gross? Oh, what, gross? What, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? Dude, it's the world's oldest profession.”
  - “Let's get you a hooker.”
  - “You do realize that one out of every eight adult women in America is a prostitute.”
  - “You got me a hooker.”
  - “Oh, which Sandy do we want today? Uh - French Sandy, porn-star Sandy - Yosemite Sandy, definitely.”
  - “Barney, is that true? We were having a conversation about prostitution.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “She slapped me and stormed off.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Look, a beer.”
- Racism & slurs — 1 moment(s)
  - “You wanna judge a fellow human being based solely on one external characteristic? That's racism.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Moron in my face? Oh, and Paralegally Blonde isn't here in her low-cut dress to make me jealous? Oh, so now she's a whore? - What? - You know something? Mary the paralegal is awesome.”
  - “So the message is, I should treat every woman like a whore? Come on, dude.”

## S1 E20 — Best Prom Ever
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0120.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Lily's wedding date is pushed up, she crashes a high school prom with Barney and Robin in order to hear a potential band for the big day.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me.”
  - “What'd she say? What'd she say? He lied and told me he broke up with his girlfriend to try to hook up with me.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the Ashlee and the Lindsay and the Paris? They all dress like strippers.”
  - “And that, my friends, is why you don't get your money's worth when you wear jeans to a strip club.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Once you're married, if we go out, and you get so drunk you throw up, it'll be sad, but if we do it tonight, it'll be less sad.”
  - “…and what kind of wedding band would you be if you couldn't play our song, right? Right? Look, I'm kind of wasted right now, so I didn't understand any of that.”
  - “I hated my dress, my date got wasted and puked on me, there was a huge fight, and I kissed a girl.”
- Slut-shaming — 3 moment(s)
  - “…(SHUSHING) Sweetie, just focus on one thing at a time, okay? Right now, you just have to dress like a whore and that's it.”
  - “Now, ladies, slut up.”
  - “They grow up into skanks so fast, don't they, Ted? - So, what, we ready for tonight? - Yeah.”

## S1 E21 — Milk
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0121.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When a matchmaking company calls Ted claiming they have found his soul mate, he is forced to postpone his date when Lily asks for his help.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “You're going to show me your hair? Actually, I was going to show you my breasts, but, sure, we can do hair.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Are you guys planning on punching some holes in that box? Of course we are.”

## S1 E22 — Come On
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0122.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: While Ted makes one last attempt to win Robin's heart, Marshall and Lily are at odds.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I was hoping to finally have sex with you this weekend, Scherbatsky.”
  - “Are you gonna hook up with him? - I don't know.”
  - “We had sex twice in your car and then you dumped me.”
  - “I mean, even though we stopped having sex, we still get together like once a month to chat and catch up, and of course I'm not in touch with her! Well, you're gonna need to get in touch with her.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ted, waiting naked in a girl's bed wearing whipped cream undies does not work.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “Well, I'd give you the 'I don't date co-workers' speech again, but, God, you must have that son-of-a-bitch memorized by now.”
  - “Don't piss off the universe.”
  - “What the hell? - That wasn't me.”
  - “When do we get our pizza? Enough with the We'll go get pizza later, all right? Just stay (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) (CLEARS THROAT) (SIGHING) ROBIN: Damn it.”
  - “And it's not a good look for me! - Why the hell should I help you? - Come on.”
  - “Damn it! Ted, this is funny.”
  - “Look, I know this sucks.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Wow, it took five shots of tequila to get you in that position.”

## S2 E1 — 1. Where Were We?
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0201.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: While Marshall begins his summer forlorn over his break-up with Lily, Ted and Robin couldn't be happier with their budding romance.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “I got to hand it to you, when he got home, Marshall was smiling-- did you sleep with him? 'Cause I was actually, like, three days away from suggesting that.”
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - “Have you tried breast-feeding? Nailed it! Look, they were together nine years.”
  - “Do you know why you're not over Lily yet? It's 'cause you can still picture her naked.”
  - “You can't get over a woman until you can no longer picture her boobs; it's a scientific fact.”
  - “The average male brain can only store a finite number of boob images or "b-pegs".”
  - “Well, they won't go away until you overwrite them with images of other women's boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “You can drag me out of here, but she has no soul! We've tried everything-- baseball, strippers.”
  - “Strip club, nice.”
  - “I'll stay here and get a lap dance.”
  - “Because while baseball, strippers, and guns can help, the only thing that can really heal a broken heart is time.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “My uncle's had like three affairs there.”
- Violence & injury — 5 moment(s)
  - “Whenever I'm feeling lonely or depressed, I come here, and it reminds me that guns are fun.”
  - “Um, you know, Ted is kind of against guns.”
  - “Whoa, that sounded kind of scary with me holding a gun, didn't it? No, I-I just mean, please don't tell Ted.”
  - “So you're a gun nut? No, I'm a gun enthusiast.”
  - “And I will punch you in the face.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Are we still talking about her pancakes? Come on, you got to eat something; what can I get you? - Beer.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “What a perfect place to whore around.”

## S2 E2 — 2. The Scorpion and the Toad
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0202.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Lily returns from San Francisco claiming that she had the summer of her life, but her friends soon see through the veneer.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Well, I guess we're just a threesome tonight.”
  - “If things had gone your way-- you'd gone out a couple times, I think she definitely would have had sex with you.”
  - “There's no "would" in sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Now, if you'll excuse me I have two unique breasts and two duplicates waiting for me.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “The thing about a hangover is that everyone has their own special remedy.”
  - “What are you so chirpy about? She's still drunk from last night.”

## S2 E3 — 3. Brunch
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0203.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Ted's parents come to New York for a visit, their weekend ends up being far from the ordinary when a colossal family secret is unveiled.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “I hooked up with a waitress.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? You know you have boobs.”
  - “Are you wearing a push-up bra? Did you Mystic Tan your calves? I withdraw the question.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Can you believe your dad rack-jacked me like that? My dad made out with Wendy the waitress? He cheated on my mom? No, that's impossible.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “You mean the spa the judge ordered him to go to to quit cocaine? Coffee? Now, Grandma and Grandpa didn't like to talk about things that were uncomfortable, emotional, or in any way real.”

## S2 E4 — 4. Ted Mosby: Architect
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0204.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney tries to prove to Ted that his job as an architect is anything but boring by showing him that it is a great way to pick up women, a jealous Robin tracks down her man after hearing of his antics.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “And thus ended this chapter of, "Let's pour our hearts out in the bedroom of Barney's one-night stand.”
  - “Carl, do you really want to be with a woman who would trade sex for beer? Only if you're into it.”
  - “Dancing leads to sex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “Okay, where are the guys and the hooker? Yo, what's up, ladies? Welcome to the party.”
- Affairs / cheating — 2 moment(s)
  - “Ted's cheating on me.”
  - “I can't believe he's cheating on me.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “No room for my gun.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “You should work at a suicide hotline.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “Bitch is lucky I brought my small purse.”
  - “Well, maybe they should have moved that part up a little bit earlier, 'cause You know what, um What I'm trying to say is I love being the person you bitch to.”
  - “I should probably go tell him I'm sorry, shouldn't I? You're trying to do it right now, aren't you? What the hell comes before "Q"?”
  - “And the other's a cheating bastard.”
  - “That is one hell of a non sequitur.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “By night, however Damn, these are some drunk almost-lawyers.”
  - “Then freakin' rage! Yeah! Hey, drunk legal dude, um have you seen Marshall Ericksen? He was with a guy named Ted.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Now where does the rodeo slut live? The building with the green light, apartment 3-C.”

## S2 E5 — 5. World's Greatest Couple
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0205.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Lily moves in with Barney, the trials and tribulations of their relationship may prove too much for Barney to handle.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “How would you like to extend your stay here? All you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, and scare off the occasional one-night stand.”
  - “We stayed in on a Friday night to watch Letterman, and then slept together and didn't have sex? Oh, my God, we're in a relationship.”
  - “Now, you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours.”
  - “Wow, you're open about your sexuality and that's one of the reasons I love you.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “That means no granny panties.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn Marshall doesn't have porn.”
  - “While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn, I had mine professionally lit.”
  - “This is what I get after I worked as a stripper for four years to put you through medical school? I got breast implants for you.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “You son of a bitch! I can't believe I let you enter my sacred temple.”
  - “Damn! I got these tickets, like, months ago for me and Lily and now I can't find anyone to go with me.”
  - “Oh, damn the zucchini bread is "ridonculous.”
  - “Honey, I'm Barney, what the hell is going on here? Lily, I can explain How could you? In our own home? You bastard! - I'm so sorry.”

## S2 E6 — 6. Aldrin Justice
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0206.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 1/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: While Barney makes it his job to satisfy Marshall's disgruntled law professor, Lily goes to work for Ted's architecture company and tries to teach Ted's big boss a big lesson.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I didn't challenge you to have sex - Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins.”
  - “We had sex yesterday.”
  - “Well, you had sex yesterday.”
  - “You claim to have so much sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “It really does look like a giant penis.”
  - “That's a penis! That's that's ridiculous.”
  - “The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “So, where should we eat today? Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? Dude, that is cold-blooded.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Birthday girl! I have never needed beer more than I do right now.”

## S2 E7 — 7. Swarley
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0207.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Marshall goes on his first real date post-Lily, Ted and Barney try to convince him the girl is crazy.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Would you like to have a threesome? Of course.”
  - “Plan A-- remember that time Marshall and I had sex in the bathroom? Oops, I got knocked up.”
  - “Thanks! He'll just have wild monkey sex with her five times, max, and be done with her.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “Are you free tomorrow night? I was thinking of having a wine tasting slash "help me catch the rat in my apartment" party.”
  - “Two pumpkin beers.”
  - “They're regular beers.”
  - “" Can I, uh, can I get you a drink? I'd love a beer.”
  - “Oh, pumpkin beer-- that was a good one.”

## S2 E8 — 8. Atlantic City
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0208.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: It's no day at the beach for Lily and Marshall when complications alter their Atlantic City wedding plans.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Lily totally ran off to San Francisco and these two just had sex in the closet.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “You were just staring at my shirt boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 6 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Are we thinking full-on strip club, or should we rent a room and have a private toy show-- whew.”
  - “We went to a strip club.”
  - “It's not like I had time to have a lap dance or anything.”
  - “I got a lap dance.”
  - “Does it smell like strippers in here? That's weird, right? Marshall and Lily are getting married! Hell, yeah, look at this.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “You throwing a big, free party with lots of booze and food and all your single, desperate girlfriends from college? Yeah, glad we dodged that bullet.”

## S2 E9 — 9. Slap Bet
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0209.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: Barney uncovers Robin's secret past and the real reason behind her strong aversion to malls.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “She does have the fake orgasm noises down.”
  - “I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Yeah, well, what'd you expect? You've seen my penis.”
  - “Trust me when I tell you their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - “Our friend Robin used to do porn, wait for it ography.”
  - “'Cause it's porn.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “" And your tombstone will read "Got slapped by Marshall, so hard he died.”
  - “Three? One because you lied and two for being prematurely slapped.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “I need another beer.”

## S2 E10 — Single Stamina
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0210.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: While Barney struggles with the fact that all of his friends have settled into the boring state of "coupledom," his number one wingman, his gay, black brother James, arrives on the scene.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm a pretty girl and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have sex with me.”
  - “That's ridiculous! Just because he's a little sleepy, and he hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall He hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “I can't believe I wore a bra for this.”
  - “Poor guy? Poor my boobs.”
  - “You actually do, don't you? You're not checking out my boobs or anything.”
  - “Tom liked my breasts in tenth grade.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Last time James was in town, Barney got slapped once, lucky twice, and whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in? Ah, public figure, confidentiality agreement.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Two beers, one shot.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Damn baby, nice tramp stamp! - Get off me, you pig! - Hey! Hey! Her body art is not an invitation to grope her, it's an expression of her inner self.”

## S2 E11 — How Lily Stole Christmas
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0211.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Nobody likes a "grinch," so the Christmas-stealing Lily must be stopped after she threatens to ruin the gang's plans of a joyous holiday together due to a brawl with Ted.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Are you sick? Is it sick to find maturity and experience sexy? No, I meant do you have a cold? I'm fine.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “When you walk through the door, does it feel like you've been slapped in the face by Christmas? Sure does.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, and after all that weed.”
  - “In college, whenever I wanted to make up with her, I'd buy her a beer.”
  - “Actually the beer helped a little.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut.”

## S2 E12 — First Time in New York
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0212.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin tries to talk her younger sister out of losing her virginity, Barney recalls his "dirty" first time as the gang shares stories with each other about their first experiences.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 8 moment(s)
  - “You meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.”
  - “So every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? Actually, yeah, I get that.”
  - “Oh I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux hawk.”
  - “Come on, you were only 16 when you had sex.”
  - “What?! Oh, my God! You only get one shot at losing your virginity.”
  - “And even though I just barely had sex, it counts.”
  - “Speech to talk a girl out of having sex.”
  - “Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “He could've cheated on me with my lab partner Gretchen Gwynn, but he didn't.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “He's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so That's cool.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “No, it shows that you're an I-love-you slut.”
  - “But, you know, I'm such a slut, I'm just gonna give it away.”

## S2 E13 — Columns
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0213.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Marshall is tormented by his pals after they discover a nude painting of him by Lily, but then in a twist of fate she and Marshall figure out a way to capitalize on her painting expertise.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - “Did you see what he was wearing today? It was like his pants were being held up by his nipples.”
  - “Now you're ready for naked Marshall.”
  - “So the story on the painting is that, back in college, Lily wanted to do a nude study for her art class.”
  - “Call me old-fashioned, I just think that I'm the only guy you should see naked.”
  - “People don't make fun of you for posing nude for a painting.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “This is a cocktail napkin.”
  - “Come on, Ted, listen, why don't we get back and finish drawing the plans for a building which, in my opinion, is never going to get built, so you and I can get out of here and grab a couple of beers.”
  - “Margarita Fridays-- great idea, boss.”

## S2 E14 — Monday Night Football
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0214.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When a funeral prevents the gang from watching the Super Bowl live, the group makes a pact not to find out who won before watching the game together the following night.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “Remember last year? Who wants to watch a monkey in a coconut bra order a pizza? Oh, my God.”
  - “I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it-- buck naked.”
  - “Hey, these wings, are they chicken wings or angel wings? Oh, commercials! Monkey with a coconut bra.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Marshall, you're on beer detail.”
  - “Beer still works.”

## S2 E15 — Lucky Penny
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0215.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 1/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted picks up a "lucky" penny, a maelstrom of bad luck ensues, but picking up the penny may be the best thing that Ted has ever done.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “You are Marshall! Yeah! "Chafing or blisters can occur in a number of areas, including the feet, armpits, or even the nipples.”
  - “What thing? - A penis.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “That way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run.”

## S2 E16 — Stuff
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0216.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: After taking heat from Robin for holding on to all of his stuff from ex-girlfriends, Ted gives in and parts ways with all of the items -- only to discover something that puts Robin in the dog house.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Okay, so you have to have sex with one.”
  - “Oh, Lily, I'd love to, but we're not in college and I'm not trying to sleep with you.”
  - “Mm, that's kind of how I feel when I begrudgingly have sex with you when I'm really tired.”
  - “I know we should, but you just look so sexy in my red sweatshirt.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “It was for a strip club.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Why is this such a big deal? Because I don't want to use some whore's moisturizer! Whoa, she wasn't a whore.”
  - “It sounds like a whore to me.”

## S2 E17 — Arrivederci, Fiero
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0217.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Marshall's beloved Fiero gives out just shy of 200,000 miles, the gang recalls all of their great memories in the car.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “I'm not going to get tied down by the first chick I hook up with.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “You're naked.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “The suicidal cat.”

## S2 E18 — Moving Day
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0218.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: As Ted and Robin reach a new milestone in their relationship, Barney does everything in his power to hijack their happiness.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “So, you get to have sex and we get to wake some skanky girl up in the morning and kick her out? God, Lily.”
  - “The "let's move in together" sex was pretty amazing.”
  - “Hey I hear the "let's not move in together" sex is pretty incredible.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “Well, if it's anything like you're "Are you wearing panties" quiz, I'm out.”
  - “With her shiny hair and her boobed shaped boobs.”
  - “So, here we are, right? Sitting around the apartment naked.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Um, so if you could go ahead and cancel my subscription to Guns and Ammo, that would be great.”
  - “It's just that my boyfriend is moving in and he kind of doesn't approve of the whole gun thing.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “I am so drunk.”
  - “When I'm this drunk, I go crazy! I bet you do.”
  - “We need wine, don't we? - Yes, we do.”
  - “I did it, baby! I got beer.”
  - “We're drinking champagne in the back of a moving van.”

## S2 E19 — Bachelor Party
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0219.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: After Barney ruins Marshall's bachelor party plans, Lily reveals a shocking secret about Barney that causes Marshall to rethink who his best man should be.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Marriage is like jail! Right, fellas?! But at least in jail, you get to have sex! But we're not lighting these babies up, till we get to the A.”
  - “But, dude, there's no sex in it.”
  - “Well, what is it? It's just like the one Miranda gave to Charlotte on Sex and the City.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Or do you guys not like naked girls.”
  - “Um, we love naked girls.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 7 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Actually, we're, uh, we're thinking of skipping the strippers.”
  - “You you want to have a party without strippers.”
  - “What, my girls aren't hot enough? I mean, all right, fine, the stripper at Stuart's bachelor party was a 15.”
  - “Excellent! Man, they spent a lot of money on this porno.”
  - “As his best man, I would help him bury a hooker in the desert.”
  - “I'm not a hooker.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Would you pass the wine, please? - No.”

## S2 E20 — Showdown
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0220.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Barney is ecstatic about his appearance on the "The Price Is Right" because he has wanted to meet Bob Barker his entire life.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Why don't you kiss? I love it when two chicks make out.”
  - “There's nothing sexual.”
- Swearing — 2 moment(s)
  - “Hello? - What happened? - She called me a bitch and hung up.”
  - “Oh, are you gonna cry? You gonna cry? Skinny little baby's gonna cry? - Well, eat, damn it, eat! - Okay! Hey, so I think I figured out how to do your toast in a completely appropriate way.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm gonna go grab a beer.”
  - “Back when we were all freshman and Marshall and Lily were just a few short weeks into their relationship It was 4:00 in the morning, and I'm not gonna lie, we were a wee bit wasted.”

## S2 E21 — Something Borrowed
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0221.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: By the time their wedding day arrives, nothing seems to be the way Marshall and Lily had envisioned, but surprisingly Barney jumps in to try to save their special day.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “I have hairy nipples.”
  - “Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties.”
  - “My veil got thrashed, the harp player is in labor, and I'm not wearing my wedding underwear.”
  - “Hey, I found your panties! I'm good.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “…no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads Guns N' Roses lyrics.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Oh, I need a glass of wine.”
  - “I want I want Scooter! I need a glass of wine.”

## S2 E22 — Something Blue
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0222.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney overhears that Ted and Robin have a secret at the wedding reception, he begins to speculate about what it might be, but what they are hiding even stuns the unflappable Barney.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “I hooked up with an Argentinean exchange student in a Porta-John outside Yankee Stadium.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “Wha what? You're the son of a bitch who stole our blue French horn.”
  - “No, Barney, this is my wedding, and I will sit wherever I damn well Are those mini quiches? Tell the secret.”
  - “What the hell was that? What the hell was what? That reaction? I thought you were proposing to me.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Every time we get near the food, we get cocktail weiner blocked.”
  - “Okay, so we're sitting there and the waiter comes over Champagne? Um, we didn't order champagne.”
  - “And there, sitting at the bottom of my champagne glass is Mini quiche.”
  - “This is by far the drunkest I've ever seen you.”

## S3 E1 — 1. Wait for It
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0301.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin shows up with an Argentinean Adonis by her side, Ted decides he is ready to hit the town with Barney and his performance is legen.wait for it.dary!
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.”
  - “I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex.”
  - “And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31.”
  - “I don't go to your stupid country and try to seduce women with my sexy accent.”
  - “Robin and I are about to make fantastic aquatic sex on this windsurfing board.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch for your huge vagina? You your vagina Ted, this chick is crazy.”
  - “Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty, I choose to look at as bra half full.”
  - “Weren't you wearing a bra? The night was going great.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.”
  - “A tramp stamp.”

## S3 E2 — 2. We're Not from Here
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0302.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After seeing girls get weak in the knees over Robin's man, Gael, who's from Argentina, Barney and Ted decide to pose as out-of-towners, in order to meet chicks.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “We pretended to be from out of town so we could sleep with you and leave in the morning.”
  - “"Thank God we're alive" sex.”
  - “It's even better than "I can't believe you just proposed to me" sex, which I've only had, like, four or five times.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Wow, there's a lot of nude people in here.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “You're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, gun-toting New Yorker.”
  - “There were three of them, at least two guns They took all our money.”
  - “They say to escape you punch a shark in the nose.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Number two marijuana is illegal in the United States, even when baked into a blueberry muffin that someone might mistakenly eat for breakfast right before they leave for their job as a TV newscaster.”

## S3 E3 — 3. Third Wheel
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0303.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When two beautiful women show that they are both very attracted to Ted, they take the party to his place, where the gang helps Ted realize that bad luck doesn't always come in threes.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Sleep with your nurses.”
  - “That would be like Jimmy Olsen capturing Lex Luthor while Superman watches impotently from the bedroom.”
  - “Two sexy nurses, with a six-pack of wine coolers, sneak into my room late at night.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “If I died, I would just come back and haunt your penis.”
  - “I need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide.”
  - “You were embarrassed? I was like, "I really like this guy, and now I'm climbing out his window," and I forgot my underwear Those were yours? God, I thought they felt kind of tight.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “I saw it first! You just made the list, bitch! So many questions.”
  - “I saw it first! You just made the list, bitch.”
  - “The other day I saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing.”
  - “Damn, this should be me.”
  - “Okay, what the hell? Wait for it.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “I'm ordering three beers.”
  - “Three beers, five minutes.”
  - “I'm talking to beer.”
  - “I was super-wasted That night These are not all for me.”
  - “I couldn't find your coats, but I did find tequila.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Are they Betas? Because they're all sluts, and you can tell them right now I didn't want to be in their sorority anyway.”
  - “All sorority girls are sluts.”

## S3 E4 — 4. Little Boys
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0304.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When "kid unfriendly" Robin surprisingly forms a bond with the young son of the guy she is dating, she decides it is too serious and must figure out a way to let the little guy down.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “But I can't sleep with her again.”
  - “If Lily and I have sex twice a week, which let's be honest, we all know is being conservative, and we've been together for ten…”
  - “But that's more times than Barney has ever had sex, and to your point, Ted, Lily is a quality girl.”
  - “You've had sex once.”
  - “A beautiful, sexy girl and all I could think about was you being there first.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I like sports cars, but it doesn't mean I want to push a Ferrari through my vagina.”
  - “Rule #1: no eye patches or props of any One time, I was with this girl, and I tried that model line, and I totally got some over-the-shirt boob action in the "Just Say No" assembly.”
  - “Hey, now that you're a mom, are you going to start wearing those totally awesome jeans that go right up to your boobs? Do you guys really think this is me? Honey, it's you.”
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “But she's a gun nut.”
  - “You grab the kid, I strangle six cobras with my bare hands.”
  - “Your idea of good game is slapping on a Dr.”
  - “You tried and you got slapped.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - Translation: “"'Cause I got game, bitches.”
  - “Suddenly, we see these snake bastards sneaking towards a little baby.”
  - “What the hell was that? That was my new mom.”

## S3 E5 — 5. How I Met Everyone Else
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0305.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 2/5, language 1/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Ted's new girl becomes jealous that the story of how he and his pals met is better than the story of how she and Ted met, her ranking on Barney's "crazy scale" skyrockets.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “By the end, it was mostly about sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Now, if you had said fake breasts She's not crazy.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “She's not a hooker.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's what you're saying? I'm not going to cheat on my girlfriend.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Look at these drunk idiots.”
  - “Hey, don't drink their two dollar beer.”
  - “" You know? But as drunk as she was, when she woke up the next morning, she still remembered room 110.”

## S3 E6 — 6. I'm Not That Guy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0306.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When a corporate law firm courts Marshall, lawyer Jeff Coatsworth wins him over, forcing him to let go of his dream of saving the earth in favor of the almighty dollar.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “So you took my name and starred in Welcome To The Sex Truck? Yeah.”
  - “Architect, huh? You mean like a sex architect? What? Yeah, you know, you're on to something.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment shouting, "Oh, oh, Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!" And by you, I mean her.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Porn / adult-channel plot is part of this episode.
  - “Okay, I just found out I found a porno starring Ted Mosby! What are you what are talking about? I'm talking about Welcome to the Sex Plane, and look who plays the navigator, Ted Mosby.”
  - “I guess you're more used to saying that than hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby? Who is this guy? And why's my doctor watching porn? All right, let's meet your new doppelganger.”
  - “It's kind of weird hugging with porn on.”
  - “I got the job at the NRDC! And I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Can I beer ya? Marshall was thrown.”
  - “Who do you think bought us this wine.”
  - “I was drunk, and it was a haze of cigars and scotch and Swayze, and they offered me, like, like, like, like, a lot of money.”
  - “Okay, two beers, and Ted, here's that yellow legal pad you asked for.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, and I'm sure complete accuracy in all those details was very important to the directors "Dirt and Skank, The Raunch Brothers.”

## S3 E7 — 7. Dowisetrepla
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0307.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall decide to buy an apartment, not only do they make every mistake in the book, but Marshall also discovers Lily's dirty little financial secret when they apply for a loan.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “So is that a yes? You can't sleep with other women though.”
  - “Which would mean What do you think, makeup sex? No.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “You're talking about her boobs, right? - Sí.”
  - “What up? - So, these boobs - Hmm.”
  - “Hey, uh, can we get this in singles? Before we get the apartment I want to put in a kiddie pool and swim around in it naked.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Wendy, bring me the comically large bottle of champagne.”

## S3 E8 — 8. Spoiler Alert
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0308.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted thinks he has met a wonderful girl, the gang can't help but point out a deal-breaking flaw, eventually leading to a heated exchange of barbs among the group.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “One time, in the tenth grade, as a joke, I told everyone that my English teacher had sex with me.”
  - “If it's so obvious and you guys all see it, how come I don't? 'Cause we're not trying to have sex with her.”
  - “Brother, you're driving the "I want to have sex with her" truck, and it's got a huge blind spot.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I remember when I had a penis.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “I'm a lawyer now 'cause I passed the bar I'm imposing Marshall law on this champagne.”

## S3 E9 — 9. Slapsgiving
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0309.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: As Lily and Marshall host their first Thanksgiving as a married couple, Barney is tortured by the tick-tock of the slap bet countdown clock and the uncertainty of the exact moment the slap is going to be delivered.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Hey, did you know that the first pies in recorded history came from ancient Egypt? Remember last year's Thanksgiving, when we had sex seven times? - Ooh.”
  - “Well, how come we're all allowed to bust on Barney when he dates some skanktron, but when you sleep with the Crypt Keeper's dad, I'm not allowed to say a word? First of all, Bob and I are not sleeping together.”
  - “And if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert! Oh, what the hell kind of Thanksgiving is this anyway? Um, most Thanksgivings.”
  - “How does it feel, Marshall, to sit there, impotently your large, flaccid hand, just dangling in the wind? The slap will occur in ten Ooh, classy touch, dude.”
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “The only reason I'm jealous of Bob is because I heard Noah gave him shotgun in the ark.”
  - “…is this feelin' That's put you in your place? A hot, red burnin' on the side of your face You feel the blood rush to your cheek Tears start to fill your eyes And your lips are tremblin' but you can't speak, you're…”
  - “The worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen.”
  - “But now I know exactly when I'm gonna get slapped.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “We's gonna get silly, bitches.”
  - “Damn it! Wait, you're gonna slap me on Thanksgiving? Slapsgiving.”
  - “Lily, you're the Slap Bet Commissioner, is that allowed? The hostess in me who's using her wedding china for the first time wants to say hell, no, but yeah, I'm going to allow it.”
  - “So we're in the kitchen, starting on the pies, and we realize, we don't have a damn thing to say to each other.”
  - “Relapse five! That's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit and then we high-five again! What the hell were you doing?”

## S3 E10 — The Yips
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0310.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 4/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Barney loses his "mojo," he attends the Victoria's Secret Fall Fashion Show after-party to get himself back on track, but his smooth operating skills are put to the test when he meets supermodel Heidi Klum.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 11 moment(s)
  - “I lost my virginity to her.”
  - “Barney Barney, you need to find a girl and have sex with her ASAP.”
  - “But, James what woman's going to have sex with me? It's not like I'm a Backstreet Boy.”
  - “You know that Chinese food delivery boy? I had sex with him.”
  - “I guess your brother's going to stay a virgin.”
  - “Maybe you have to open up to some He just found out that the woman he lost his virginity to only did it because his brother bribed her.”
  - “Sleeping with me again isn't gonna solve anything.”
  - “That was the best sex I ever had.”
  - “So, hey, uh, maybe how about sex? Let's sex.”
  - “My entire sexual history was built on a rotting foundation of lies.”
  - “Thank me for what? Well, you know how it's hard for exes to be friends because there's this lingering sexual tension between them? Gone.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers is the only vagina for me.”
  - “Did you change your mind about having love, making sex, penis vagina? What is the matter with me? - Oh, honey - I just, I don't get it.”
  - “Do you guys work for the company? Yeah, it's called "I'm Gonna Get In Your Panties, Incorporated.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.”
  - “Yeah, let's all punch Barney in the face.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “It smells like there's a little bitch in my gym.”
  - “Are you being a little bitch in my gym? No.”
  - “I don't know who the hell you think you are, but from now on, you don't tell Marshall what to do.”
  - “She's pretty pissed.”
  - “You know, for all the crap you've given me, I haven't seen you work up a sweat there once.”
  - “Do it! Come on! Do it, you worthless piece of crap! Please! Please, I just want to go home.”
  - “Yeah, kinda sucks, doesn't it? Oh, my God, Barney, you really did just rock my world.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Or we could just stop drinking beer.”

## S3 E11 — The Platinum Rule
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0311.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When the gang finds out that Ted is taking his doctor on a date, they try to convince him, through examples of their own toxic experiences, why it's never a good idea to get into a relationship with someone you see on a regular basis.
Watch for:
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with Daddy issues?”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “That was an interesting use of the beverage gun.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley? We just go across the hall.”
  - “Hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor and send a glass of champagne to that pretty young thing over there.”
  - “Champagne? Would you? On me.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.”
  - “A tramp stamp.”

## S3 E12 — No Tomorrow
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0312.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted takes a page from Barney's book and lives like there's no tomorrow, he gets a post St. Patty's Day reality check from Marshall.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I really just want to hook up with you, leave before breakfast, and never see you again.”
  - “and then someone opens your eyes a little bit, and you realize Next message: I really want to hook up with you, leave before breakfast, and then never see you again.”
  - “Barney, where are you? In a cab, heading downtown with our hot and sexy dates for the evening.”
  - “You're very sexy when you yell, Marshall.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 6 moment(s)
  - “Come on! Let's drink green beer.”
  - “Uh, excuse me? Are the girls in there hotter than our dates? I don't know if they're hotter, but they're drunker.”
  - “We have a bottle of tequila and shockingly deep belly buttons.”
  - “Garrido, second bottle of champagne gets you a complimentary ounce of caviar.”
  - “According to the bartender, I'm the guy that's been buying you champagne all night.”
  - “Are the girls in there hotter than our dates ? I don't know if they're hotter, but they're drunker.”
- Racism & slurs — 3 moment(s)
  - “And he's probably racist.”
  - “I don't want some Confederate general ghost teaching them his racism.”
  - “How is "racist ghost" better than "crooked"? Seriously, somebody tell me how that's better.”

## S3 E13 — Ten Sessions
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0313.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Continuing his passionate quest to find the woman who will one day be his wife, Ted pursues his beautiful dermatologist, Stella. While Stella turns down his repeated efforts for a date, her office receptionist, Abby, becomes smitten with Ted.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Ted, do you know how long it takes a woman to decide whether or not she's going to sleep with a guy? After that, her decision is made.”
  - “Well, then if it's fixed, can we have sex on it and then go shopping.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “It can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “So I'm guessing that the real story involves a bad breakup and some booze.”
  - “Who knows what she'll want then? Do you know what you're going to want for lunch ten weeks from now? Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ah, the butterfly tramp stamp.”

## S3 E14 — The Bracket
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0314.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney's love life is sabotaged by a mystery woman, he turns to tournament bracketology to narrow down the field of 64 women with the most cause to hate his guts.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 9 moment(s)
  - “Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life.”
  - “Well, she-she said I hooked up with her? What was her name? What did she look like? She didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs.”
  - “We are not going to make a game out of the women you've tricked into sleeping with you.”
  - “You're kidding me! Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl twice.”
  - “" Are you nuts? That would involve me speaking to a woman I've already had sex with, which, frankly, is a little bit like changing the oil in a rental car.”
  - “I hooked up with her in an apartment I was pretending was my own, told her I loved her, and then ditched her there.”
  - “It's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, Robin.”
  - “I'm going to go to the bathroom now, but, uh, when I come back we'll go to my place and have sex.”
  - “I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all of the women I have slept with, but I never thought I was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her.”

## S3 E15 — The Chain of Screaming
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0315.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: After Marshall is verbally emasculated by his boss, he struggles with the fact that taking a job with a "big bad" corporate law firm may have been a major mistake.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “Shotgun for eternity! - You can't call shotgun for eternity.”
  - “Oh, God, I just I just Just because you weren't around for this, I called shotgun for all eternity in Ted's car.”
  - “Then why are you still in my office? Okay, gun violence might be the answer to everything up in Canada, Robin, but here in America, we solve our problems with words.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Are you okay? Beer.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Your mom's a slut! Yes.”
  - “Your mom's a slut, and I'm sorry, Barney, but you and your brother clearly have different fathers, And you know why? It's probably because your mom is a slutty slut! - Keep going.”

## S3 E16 — Sandcastles in the Sand
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0316.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Robin rekindles things with an old flame, he crushes her again, but Barney, in his own inimitable style, helps her realize that she is awesome.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'd even consider not trying to sleep with her if that's what it takes.”
  - “What Do they make out? Better.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “…because clearly, we're all asking the same question, What in God's creation is going on with Robin's breasts?”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Murder climb aboard the Murder Train Murder climb aboard the Murder Train Hey, a lot of puppies got adopted.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “That my girl Michelle? - Bitch, you know it! - How she livin'? She living only way she know how to.”
  - “Okay, what the hell just happened? Oh, come on, it wasn't so bad, was it? - Hey, Simon.”
  - “My life will be a living hell of search engines and overseas phone calls, chasing down something that possibly can't be found.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm get me my champagne and grape soda on.”
  - “I've wasted three days tr What's the matter? Simon dumped me in his van after the show.”
- Fat-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “I'm hoping my fat ass can hustle me up a vodka-Gatorade.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Louise Marsh?! That's a whore's name if I ever heard one.”

## S3 E17 — The Goat
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0317.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When a guilt-ridden Barney breaks the "Bro Code," he struggles with the ramifications of his misstep.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Is he all smooth down there? Three billion women on the planet! Three billion! And you have to sleep with the one that I dated for a year!”
  - “I feel bad because the Bro Code clearly states "No sex with your bro's ex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “But, Ted seriously, this suite at the Bellagio I am not going to Vegas with you! I'm not going to blow off my friends and my girlfriend, and spend my 30th birthday in a strip club.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “And they're going to take a great big knife And Frank went on to traumatize Lily's entire class with a graphic explanation of where meat comes from.”
  - “Who punches someone in the groin? Okay.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “I just wish we had some wine.”
  - “I wish we had some wine, too.”
  - “They want you to spend your 30th standing around drinking flat beer ten feet above your living room.”

## S3 E18 — Rebound Bro
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0318.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 1/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted tells the gang Stella's intimate secret, he must face the consequences of breaking her trust.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 8 moment(s)
  - “You guys haven't had sex yet?! When Marshall and I were two months in, we were doing it 24/7.”
  - “Wait so you haven't had sex since, like Thanksgiving.”
  - “Let's have sex.”
  - “But nobody in five years? Look, Ted, guys regret the girls they didn't sleep with.”
  - “Girls regret the guys they do sleep with.”
  - “I mean, it's like your virginity: the sequel.”
  - “Why are you so much madder at Barney than me? Yeah, she had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her.”
  - “Look, I realize it's weird, okay? Not many people go five years without having sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ted, you're staring at my boobs.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Haley, you are a fat ugly whore.”

## S3 E19 — Everything Must Go
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0319.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney and Abby realize that they have one thing in common - their mutual hatred of Ted - the "couple" decides to go to the bar to flaunt their new relationship in Ted's face.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Did I sleep with you and then totally screw you over? No.”
  - “I care about the people I have sex with.”
  - “You're thinking of having sex with Ted? After four days without selling a single painting, Lily was getting desperate.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “He'd only be gone a few moments, but when he returned So where were we? he'd get slapped.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.”
  - “I got a two-syllable "damn" in this dress.”
  - “A two-syllable "damn.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 6 moment(s)
  - “You? Heroin.”
  - “Do you like heroin? - Love it.”
  - “You know, movie night with my girlfriend, then waiting for her to go to bed so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold, blue light of my computer monitor.”
  - “What? Why just my clothes? We can sell my stuff, too, but I got to tell you, I think your Marc Jacobs cocktail dress is going to go for a lot more than my - "Split Happens" bowling shirt.”
  - “Are you kidding? We're popping the champagne right now.”
  - “Champagne for everyone, on me, the happiest guy in the world.”

## S3 E20 — Miracles
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0320.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted is in an accident, he re-evaluates his life and relationship with Stella.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “I know what he saw: boobs.”
  - “A suit of boobs.”
  - “A giant boob wearing a suit of money.”
  - “And the boob is lactating scotch.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Your brain could be all full of blood.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Was that a breakup? Did he think that was a breakup? What? Son of a bitch! That was a breakup.”
  - “It sucks, but I'm being the good guy here.”
  - “Those little bastards gave me lice.”
  - “That's why I spent ten minutes on the damn claw machine trying to get the big, fake diamond ring.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Is there any beer in the fridge? It's 10:00 in the morning.”
  - “Well, do you have a better explanation for it? A drunk jackass with a box of pencils? A drunk jackass called "God!" And a box of pencils called "destiny!" Speaking of Barney, I should give him a call.”

## S4 E1 — 1. Do I Know You?
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0401.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: As Stella responds to Ted's proposal, Barney realizes that he's in love with Robin.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 7 moment(s)
  - “We did it, you masturbating little bastard.”
  - “I sleep with that chick, I'm thinking about Robin.”
  - “You love her? Barney, how can you be in love, and still be sleeping with anything that moves? I'm sorry, I don't follow you.”
  - “First time you had sex.”
  - “I mean, for the last time, you can't you can't be in love with Robin and still be sleeping with every bimbo on the planet.”
  - “I thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your sex swing again, but you're in love? That is so sweet! It's not "sweet.”
  - “Really? I know dudes think it's girlie for a guy to cook, but us ladies? - We find it mighty sexy.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “I am one lucky son of a bitch.”
  - “I see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, I gotta help the poor, little bastard.”
  - “What the hell is wrong with you? I don't always want to be that guy.”
  - “Damn it, Barney.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Coming up next, is your local ice cream man actually driving a roving meth lab on wheels? Stay tuned for the full Scoop.”
  - “I'm just grab a beer.”
  - “Champagne for everybody.”

## S4 E2 — 2. The Best Burger in New York
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0402.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Television personality Regis Philbin meets a burger-mad Marshall while on his quest to find the restaurant where he had his very first New York burger.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “The bun, like a sesame freckled, breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below.”

## S4 E3 — 3. I Heart NJ
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0403.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After inviting the gang to Stella's apartment in New Jersey, Ted tries to sell them on the perks of living in the suburbs until he learns that she expects him to move there after they're married.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “And sometimes they'd pick up the phone and they'd call me and then we'd hook up again.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Ted, if you murder me, and bury me in New Jersey I'll haunt you for ever.”
  - “But if I murder you and bury you in somewhere else ? I'll leave you alone.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “I would kill myself.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “Ted, do you know that once, an old lady actually called me a bitch and threw a cat in my face? And you want to know if that happened in New Jersey? right in front of your beloved little Papaya King.”
  - “Okay, yeah, it's sucks, but what can I do? I mean, I'm not going to get that other job.”
  - “What the hell is the matter with you? Small city, big man give it up.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Hey, T-diddy! You missed it! Robin got that national anchor job! And we got a free bottle of champagne! But it's empty now.”
  - “Right? We got board games, we got movies, and I think there may be some beer, out in the garage.”
  - “Don't drink the beer! I just remembered when I bought it.”

## S4 E4 — 4. Intervention
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0404.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted discovers that the gang ditched their plans to stage an intervention for his engagement to Stella, he is adamant that they go through with it anyway.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, but in order to save the planet, You need to sleep with him tonight.”
  - “What? Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming that saves the human race.”
  - “What challenge? To prove to you that I will be exactly this awesome when I'm 80, I will hook up with a 22-year-old while in my old-man makeup.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “Or maybe stab it with a fork.”
  - “This is a nice bloody surprise.”
  - “So how about you give me the knife? Give me the knife.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “A bottle of that with beer chasers, and what do you think, cancel the scotch? Vodka rocks.”

## S4 E5 — 5. Shelter Island
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0405.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After Stella and Ted make the spontaneous decision to get married in three days, the presence of their exes destroys what was to be the "happiest day of their lives".
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “HOW CAN I HAVE SEX WITH ROBIN AGAIN ? VULNERABLE NOSTALGIC BOOZE Then, at last I cracked the code.”
  - “I mean, this weekend is the best chance ever to hook up with her again.”
  - “No foreplay.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “I've got some clothes on the floor, and And a naked girl tied to your headboard.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me that says eating animals is murder, but I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “Suck it, bitch! I win! We broke up over a year ago.”
  - “What sort of hell has Ted brought us to? - There's no meat.”
  - “Who the hell is that? It's the girl from the front desk.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “We're getting married this Sunday? Are we sure we're ready for this? Ted, I wasted years trying to get Lucy's dad to decide he was "ready" for this, but he never got ready for this.”
  - “GET HER DRUNK AT TED'S WEDDING - So you're back on Robin.”
  - “The first drunk bridesmaid you see, you'll have your head under her dress like an old-time photographer.”
  - “I wasted years trying to get Lucy's dad to decide if he was ready for this.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “I hear you're a real man whore, so listen up.”

## S4 E6 — 6. Happily Ever After
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0406.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: While out for dinner with the gang, Ted runs into someone from his past that prompts each of them to think about how they would handle bumping into someone they'd rather forget.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “you know how when you're a kid, you put everything into hockey terms? The blue line is kissing, the red line is getting naked, and I think "in the crease" speaks for itself.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Dag! - Cold-blooded.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “It's just Ted, you've been through something traumatic, and we're trying to be there for you as friends, but you're not letting us, and it's pissing us off, you selfish bitch.”
  - “Really, you wouldn't hide from anyone? Not even, say Becca Delucci? You son of a bitch.”
  - “Oh, hell, no! Now I get letters from Becca and she's all, "I'm coming to get you the day I get out of here.”
  - “What? Yeah, if the last person I wanted to see walked through the door, I wouldn't say a damn word.”
  - “That sucks about your dad, Robin, but congratulations on that game.”

## S4 E7 — 7. Not a Father's Day
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0407.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall contemplate making the life-changing decision to have a baby, Lily turns to Ted and Robin for advice and their very different points of view on the issue.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “What do you mean you're gonna be a dad? How did, how did this happen? It was just some girl I hook up with a few weeks back.”
  - “Brother, lay your hand on this box of condoms and repeat after me.”
  - “Hey, do you want to go have completely protected sex right now? I do.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “What are you looking at? I am looking at the future of our two companies, and it looks very naked.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “It appears to be some sort of Asian hooker.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “We made all of these arguments, and a sock is what makes your decision for you? I guess that was the sock-out punch, huh, Robin? Shut up, Dad.”
- Swearing — 1 moment(s)
  - “That bitch be drunk.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “But you'd better not be as uptight as these idiots about me shooting beer cans on the roof.”
  - “Would you excuse me just for a brief second? Did anyone else see the drunk chick? Hey, you guys didn't have to It's a picture of me with no kids.”
  - “Oh, let's rob a liquor store! Lily, we're not going anywhere, okay? Whenever we go somewhere when you're drunk, you always fall asleep as soon as we get in the We're going dancing!”

## S4 E8 — 8. Woooo!
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0408.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Robin rediscovers the "Woo Girls," a group of single girls who like to go out and party. Meanwhile, Ted pitches Barney a design for his company's new headquarters.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Oh, my god, you guys, My boob just fell out of my top at the bar.”
  - “" But who would woo, lily? Who would woo? Would you? Would you Who wants to name my boobs?! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with hannity and colmes.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “There is a strip club in the letter "n.”
  - “You're all a bunch of prostitutes.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “Lily! over here, You sexy bitch! We've got bottle service! At school, she's so quiet and normal.”
  - “What's with the plastic fireman's hat? Oh, I didn't have a cowboy hat, And today was fire safety day at school, so Oh, my god, bitch.”
  - “Wow, this really sucks.”
  - “look, I just I just want to say, I know you guys went with sven, But ted mosby is tremendously talented, And I think he would have done a hell of a job.”
  - “You got something you want to tell me? Oh, damn it.”
  - “" What the hell is the matter with you?!”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “And then we go up to the roof of the building And drink beer.”
  - “What show? And then, we throw crumpled up beer cans at pigeons.”
  - “Let's get a nice daytime drunk going, And throw empties at pigeons.”
  - “get it? In america, When we work late, We lie about a conference call, And we come up here and we drink a few beers.”
- Slut-shaming — 4 moment(s)
  - “I love this song! Come on, you lazy skanks, let's dance! You, too, you dumb whores.”
  - “push-ups! Misty, you are such a slut.”
  - “You're the slut, you skank.”
  - “You're such a whore.”

## S4 E9 — 9. The Naked Man
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0409.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: After Ted walks into the apartment to find Robin's date sitting on the couch in the buff, the gang realizes this method might be the easiest way to get their dates into bed with them.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 12 moment(s)
  - “She's so charmed by your confidence and bravado, she sleeps with you.”
  - “"The Naked Man" works! This is going to revoluonize the one-night stand! This is like the forward pass in football.”
  - “I call "slut!" Slut?! Oh?! Oh! Excuse me? I'm sorry,Robin,but you hooking up with this guy makes it seem like the only thing standing between you and sex is clothes.”
  - “I didn't just sleep with Mitch because he was naked.”
  - “Then why did you sleep with him? Becausehe,um He,uhuh,because I care about Mitch.”
  - “Marshall, I love you, but there's lots of reasons to have sex.”
  - “" You know,when you go out of town but instead of getting a hotel room,you go straight to a bar with the sole intention of hooking up with a girl so you have a place to stay.”
  - “"Curiosity," as in "I've always wondered what it's like to have sex "with a really tall girl.”
  - “"The condoms are about to expire.”
  - “Some douchey guy I hooked up with left it here.”
  - “There's "makeup" sex Ooh.”
  - “"breakup" sex, Hmm and "your friend just told you about a new-position" sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “It's called,"The Naked Man.”
  - “" "The Naked Man"? Goes like this: You're on a first date, you've had a few drinks, MITCH: You make an excuse to go up to the girl's apartment.”
  - “Oh,yeah Nice! What pose did you go with? I went with "I've got boobs.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “It's been 12 minutes! Drop it! You first! Ike,why are you pointing your gun at me?”
  - “Yeah,she might get her gun and shoot him.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “The tie alone Get out of here right now! Get out,you sick son of a bitch! Call me.”
  - “Man,ts whole "one-partner" thing sucks sometimes.”
  - “Crap! Here we go.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “I call "slut!" Slut?! Oh?! Oh! Excuse me? I'm sorry,Robin,but you hooking up with this guy makes it seem like the only thing standing between you and sex is clothes.”
  - “" : Slut! I dot do it.”

## S4 E10 — The Fight
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0410.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Ted tries to prove he's not pathetic for getting left at the altar, and Barney tries to impress Robin, who thinks fighting is sexy, by fighting with patrons who are sitting in their favorite booth.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “And everyone is going to think it's great and everyone is going to sleep with me again.”
  - “There's only three things you'll ever see me fight the stubborn clasp of a bra, Sexual harassment charges-- nine for nine-- And the urge to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.”
  - “she thinks fighting's sexy.”
  - “I was doing Your best not to cry when Big came back for Carrie at the end of the Sex and the City movie? No.”
- Violence & injury — 6 moment(s)
  - “They what?! Look, Doug we can explain Explain what? Explain how you stabbed me in the back right to my face? Robin,i'm scared.”
  - “I was 30 and in those 30 years I'd been punched once.”
  - “I just beat up three guys by myself.”
  - “And now we are going to go in there and tell everyone the legendary tale of how we beat up some guys.”
  - “God! You just punched me in the nose! Are you crying? Yes I'm crying! You just punched me in the nose! Oh that's going to swell up real good.”
  - “So what can I share about the experience? Well,for starters,when you punch someone in the face, it hurts your hand a lot.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “Has he lost weight? Bitch,don't even.”
  - “That sucks! Good times.”
  - “What the hell is this?! I've told you kids about Doug,right? I haven't? Oh,well Doug Martin was a bartender at MacLaren's.”
  - “What the hell is this?! Oh,um,well,some guys are sitting in our booth.”
  - “But he was really pissed at us.”
  - “Holy crap! Yeah,turns out Uncle Marshall and his brothers did a little more than just roughhouse.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Vodka cranberry.”

## S4 E11 — Little Minnesota
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0411.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Ted turns into an overprotective, older brother by going out of his way to keep his sister out of trouble when she comes to visit him in New York. Meanwhile, Marshall and Robin bond when he introduces her to a Minnesota themed bar.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “See? She didn't get the briefcase! That's responsible! And there's almost no way she had sex with anyone in there.”
  - “Okay, that's it! I cannot believe you had sex with my sister! You blabbed?! Do you know what? This is a new batch of the old coasters.”
  - “Barney and I didn't have sex.”
  - “…it's true that time I drove Your mother to the airport, Well, let's just say there was a very confusing, Sexually charged moment in short-term parking, But I said I would never go near your sister, And I meant it.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “…make your sister moan Oh! Heather's hot, Heather's hot And we'll go all the way I wish I could see her naked I wish I could see her naked I wish I could see her naked And down on all fours.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “You're welcome, earth! Plus in canada, you can go to an all-nude strip club And order alcohol.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I just poured some beer on it.”
  - “And I was hoping you'd have A little more wine in you before I asked you this, but I need you to co-sign the lease.”

## S4 E12 — Benefits
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0412.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Ted and Robin become "friends with benefits" to deal with conflicts they're having around the apartment, Barney tries to resolve the issues so they'll stop hooking up. Meanwhile, "reality" stars get too real for Marshall when they taunt him from the pages of his magazine.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 12 moment(s)
  - “So why be ashamed about it? Wait,"reading a magazine" means masturbating,right? I can't believe it.”
  - “You two hooked up? thanks a lot,lily So,wow.”
  - “And now that we're hooking up, we're not fighting anymore.”
  - “You drank all my milk again! We can have sex.”
  - “Anytime we start getting into an argument, we just have sex instead.”
  - “Look,Lily,maybe yourindergartners are upset that their friends are sleeping with each other, but not me.”
  - “So last night,Robin left a pizza box out on the floor, -so we had sex three times.”
  - “It bothers you that Robin and I a hooking up,doesn't it? No.”
  - “Now,if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go sleep with other girls.”
  - “What happened? You know what it is? We were having sex.”
  - “Men and women need sex to live together.”
  - “I said,Madeline,every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - “So the crisis in the Middle East could be solved by Gaza Strippers.”
  - “The woman in this scenario is a prostitute.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “You have one when you're drunk and you think it's fine.”
  - “Hey,uh,you want a beer? Okay.”

## S4 E13 — Three Days of Snow
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0413.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When A blizzard shuts down the city, Marshall and Lily try to continue their longstanding airport reunion tradition while Ted and Barney volunteer to keep MacLaren's open so they can meet up with some college girls.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, but don't those girls get to have sex with Van Halen after the show? If you want to have sex with Van Halen, do it on your own time, Ted.”
  - “Do you know what we used to do every day the second I got home? Man, I don't want to hear about your crazy monkey sex.”
  - “Crazy monkey sex? Crazy monkey sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Why not? If we see them play, we're no better than the bleach-blonde bimbos who flash their boobs at a Van Halen concert.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Last time I had one of these in the car, I wound up chipping dried vomit off the seat with a putty knife.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “And she surprised him with a six-pack of locally brewed beer.”
  - “Oh, baby! Where's my beer? We said we weren't gonna.”
  - “No last call! Only when every single person is finished having the greatest night of his or her life do we stack the chairs on the table and power down the three-story margarita waterfall.”
  - “We were hoping to get drunk.”
  - “I mean really drunk.”

## S4 E14 — The Possimpible
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0414.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Robin realizes that she only has four days to get a job or she will be deported back to Canada, she agrees to let Barney produce a video resume for her.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Wear a condom.”
  - “Wear a condom? I'm not gonna be the new Channel Ten anchor, am I? This just in.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “fifty-three Number of semi-nude pictures he took you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue magazine.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “" You didn't let those reporter bitches psych you out, did you? and the President's economic team is hoping to have a proposal before Congress by the end of the month.”
  - “So Marshall and I are the only people at this table with "weak-ass crap" on their r\sum\s? What are you implying? I don't know! Does the date July 4, You son of a bitch.”
  - “You don't do a damn thing in any of these clips.”
  - “What? But you didn't do a damn thing in your video.”
  - “He did just fine! You know what? Both of you geniuses need to take that weak-ass crap off your r\sum\s.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “That was great! Hey, Marsh, I got you a light beer.”
- Racism & slurs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I've been getting a lot of letters about myegment on how racist the school's meal plan is.”
  - “And time! What's the count? Thirty-three! ****** MEAL PLAN=RACISM Why is no one coming to my Happenings? sync:ßÇÈâÈâ”

## S4 E15 — The Stinsons
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0415.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When the gang suspects that Barney has a girlfriend after he mysteriously leaves MacLaren's, they decide to follow him.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Asian with some boob.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Seriously? But they're blonde and drunk.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, I was a bit of a whore.”
  - “Excuse me? A whore, dear.”

## S4 E16 — Sorry, Bro
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0416.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall hear that Ted's college girlfriend, Karen, has moved to New York City, they finally reveal how much they hated her back then.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “I used deceitful means to hook up with a less-than-intelligent girl.”
  - “Ted,sure it's fun to look back at a time when you were a fresh-faced farm girl with a virgin's glow.”
  - “Well,about that After she broke up with that dude,she called me, we went out, we hooked up,and we've been dating ever since.”
  - “Why did you say "in the restaurant?" Did you kiss somewhere else? Like where,in a tree? No,Lily,we did not make out in a tree.”
  - “Ted is Charlie Brown trying to kick the football and Karen's Lucy, who pulls it away at the last second and has sex with it.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Why'd you have to paint Marshall nude anyway? Because he ate my bowl of fruit.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “…People getting up to host a show at 5:00 in the morning? Meth addicts who haven't sold their TVs yet? Strippers in that messy gray area between getting off work and getting their kids up for school?”
- Affairs / cheating — 2 moment(s)
  - “I You know,that color palette is a bit derivative of early Van Gogh, don't you think? Cheat on Ted, criticize my painting, whatever,that's your business.”
  - “Ted's gonna fall in love, and then Karen's gonna cheat on him with some meathead, who's like "Sorry,bro.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Gun! She's got a gun! It-it's a tie.”
  - “Every time I watch the news, I'm like, "Oops,hope that wasn't my gun.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “We hated her! - Bitch had to go! And then Ted would build up a head of steam and finally take the bus to Providence to give Karen a piece of his mind.”
  - “You son of a bitch.”
  - “Remember that time Marshall forgot his pants? Damn it,Ted! You quit trying to change the subject.”
  - “You don't have the guts to break up with someone like a decent human being, so instead you pull this crap.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Who exactly are the fans of a show that airs at 4:00 in the morning? People getting up to host a show at 5:00 in the morning? Meth addicts who haven't sold their TVs yet?”
  - “I'm gonna grab a beer.”
  - “You want one? Beer.”
- Racism & slurs — 1 moment(s)
  - “It's like,let's all eat baloney sandwiches and be racist.”

## S4 E17 — The Front Porch
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0417.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Karen finds another woman's earring in Ted's bed, he discovers that Lily planted it there on purpose, and that she secretly meddled in some of his previous relationships as well.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Have you been sleeping with Robin? What? No,of course not! It,it probably got mixed in with the laundry or something.”
  - “And she'll help you find other girls to have sex with? I mean,I guess.”
  - “Will you cross your legs,buddy? Two: Sexy.”
  - “Did you at least TiVo it? So you're this comfy every night, and Lily still has sex with you? Yeah.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “I mean,yeah, she's got boobs, but well, I guess I get it.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's from a porn movie.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Why should I believe you? Um,maybe because I've alwaysbeen faithful to you while you've cheated on me, like,six times,bitch.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh,snap! - Cold-blooded! Right? Right? I totally should have said that.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Why should I believe you? Um,maybe because I've alwaysbeen faithful to you while you've cheated on me, like,six times,bitch.”
  - “We're totally awesome! So whoever you marry, whoever joins Team Awesome, the bar is set pretty damn high.”
  - “Did you break me and Robin up? - You're damn right I did! Marshall, your grandpa Olaf was a wise man.”
  - “And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it sure as hell matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “And if it did,and I didn't look my absolute best for those greasy sluts, I'd regret it forever.”

## S4 E18 — Old King Clancy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0418.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Goliath National Bank cancels plans to build their new headquarters that Ted was hired to design, Barney and Marshall concoct an elaborate lie to keep Ted from knowing he is out of a job.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “You know, I don't know, celebrities, they're into some really weird sex stuff.”
  - “So, mystery celebrity who collects a mystery item asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “How'd you like to make a few extra bucks? How naked do I have to get? Louisa Mendoza, Executive Vice-President of Assets? She's actually Louisa the lunch lady.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “This is completely different! I just wasted a month of my life working on a dead project.”

## S4 E19 — Murtaugh
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0419.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney hears that Ted has made a list of things he feels the gang is too old to do, he attempts to complete every task on the list within 24 hours to prove Ted wrong.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Remove "colonoscopy" and "Have sex with an old lady," and this is a cakewalk.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's it! You're out of here, Stinson! Hand in your gun and your ID badge! With pleasure.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “Aldrin, and worst of all, you're embarrassing me! That's it! Suicides! Baseline! Now! Run.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 6 moment(s)
  - “It all started with your Uncle Marshall's beer bong.”
  - “every time we had a party,that beer bong came out.”
  - “Then one day, in the throes of the worst hangover of my life, I realized there was only one person in the world that I could relate to: Detective Roger…”
  - “Closer to my booze.”
  - “Oh, I, uh, found these weird Russian beers in the basement.”
  - “Russian beers? I'll take a brewski.”
- Fat-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “You've had your fat ass stuck behind that desk for too long.”

## S4 E20 — Mosbius Designs
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0420.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted loses his job and decides to form his own architectural firm out of his apartment, he hires an intern to help get his company off the ground, but the intern gets too close for comfort with some of Ted's friends.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “Robin, you cannot sleep with my assistant.”
  - “Why do you have to sleep with him? Ted, when I get off work, it's 5:30 in the morning.”
  - “…storming off isn't enough! Marshall, storm off with me! Dude, why are this upset about Ted not having sex with the people he hires?”
  - “Having sex with women.”
  - “When PJ had a job, he was sexy.”

## S4 E21 — The Three Days Rule
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0421.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted breaks Barney and Marshall's "three days rule" by having a "text" relationship with a girl he just met, they play a cruel joke on him by pretending to be her.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Now he's only wearing the cowboy boots! - It is on! - It is so on! Tell him that we're we're slowing slipping out of our What are we doing? I think that we're about to have sex with Ted.”
  - “There are things I could do to him that would blow his mind - Why do we want to have sex with Ted? - I don't know.”
  - “Or we tell him our favorite color is red, and we think the cowboy look is very sexy.”
  - “I'm wearing them right now, and they do look sexy.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “You made your naked lady noise.”
  - “What?! - Whenever you see a naked lady, you make the noise.”
  - “That's totally a boob.”
  - “You think maybe we're wearing a black lace bra underneath? I don't think we're wearing anything underneath.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “You sons of bitches.”
  - “I'm cuddly, bitch.”
  - “"But what the hell, I'll just say it.”
  - “And then I proceed to waste a half hour of those bastards' lives, telling them about this dream I had where I ate dinner with my top 5 favorite architects throughout history.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “"I like beer, too.”

## S4 E22 — Right Place, Right Time
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0422.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: After Ted runs into an old flame, he talks to his future kids about how being in the right place at the right time can impact a person's life. Meanwhile, Barney celebrates his 200th female conquest.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “What are you gonna do? It's not like you're gonna find someone new to have sex with in the next two hours.”
  - “What's been going on? - I've had sex with 200 women.”
  - “Your two hundredth, as in "sex with"? As in "sex with.”
  - “So, 20 girls a week means In Barney's 16 years of sexual activity, that means he's hit on 16,640 girls.”
  - “Suspiciously quiet during this conversation about number of sex partners.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “You're disgusting, and the cops should probably clamp a boot on your genitals, but that number should be higher.”
  - “A delicate flower in stiletto pumps and leopard panties, straddling an ATV.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “"What your paintball gun says about your personality"? Below that.”

## S4 E23 — As Fast as She Can
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0423.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: In his attempt to assuage his guilt for "ruining Ted's life," Tony, Stella's fiancé, insists on helping Ted find a job, but only manages to prove that no good deed goes unpunished. Meanwhile, Barney tries to prove he can get out of a speeding ticket.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “A check so big, if you had sex with it, you wouldn't tell your buddies.”
  - “Let's get back together, and have way more sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “By the way, how's that girl you've been seeing? That super hot French chick with the big enormous boobs? Oh, you mean Claudette? She's fine.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “If I can talk a stripper into paying me for a lap dance, I think I can talk my way out of a ticket.”
  - “That's a line from a porno.”
  - “I've seen that porno.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Ted, it kind of sounds like what this guy is asking you to design - It's a murder house.”
  - “It's totally a murder house.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “My mom marinates them in Belgian beer for two days.”

## S4 E24 — The Leap
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0424.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Ted pulls an all-nighter working on a pitch in an attempt to bring business to his fledgling architecture firm, Marshall tries to lure him to the roof for a surprise 31st birthday party.
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “You got beat up by a girl.”
  - “The year I got beat up by a goat.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Come up to the roof and have a beer with me.”
  - “Now, birthday beer on the roof.”
  - “Tracey, why don't you make me one of those rum and beers - that your dad loves so much? - Sure thing! - Damn it.”

## S5 E1 — 1. Definitions
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0501.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When the gang finds out that Barney and Robin are hesitant to define their relationship, Lily forces them to confront their biggest fear...becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. Meanwhile, Ted is anxious about teaching his first lecture at Columbia.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 6 moment(s)
  - “I hooked up with this Chinese girl last night, and I don't know, it's weird.”
  - “Guys, you can't just keep hooking up and not at least try and figure out what you mean to each other.”
  - “Where do you keep your condoms? I am freaking out.”
  - “We're not gonna have the talk! Would you just have the talk, okay? It's a five-minute conversation, and then you get to have sex afterwards.”
  - “So, has the boat sailed on sex tonight or OLDER TED: After that, the summer went by way too fast.”
  - “You're gonna lock us in here? Well, guess what? Maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex! Well, guess what? I brought Marshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - BARNEY: “Oh, you're still seeing that guy? Even better, seeing him naked.”
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “I know you're a hockey fan, so I was thinking (STAMMERING) What do I have to do? Put a gun to your head? - Buy you a six-pack? - Come on, Brad, that's Wow, there's really six of them.”
  - “I'm always punching guys, girls.”
  - “I'll punch a baby.”
  - “No, I meant punching Brad.”

## S5 E2 — 2. Double Date
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0502.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 5/5, language 1/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: While on a blind date, Ted realizes this is actually his second first date with the same girl, and seven years later they still have nothing in common. Meanwhile, Barney takes Marshall out on the town, much to the dismay of Robin.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Well, it is a lot cheaper than buying a condom.”
  - “I wish that I could, but I've been doing this for so long, I'm all confused about death and sex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “(CROWD CHEERING) Barney? Is it just me or does that stripper look exactly like Ted, we found a stripper who looks exactly like Lily! - Uh, yeah, I can't talk right now.”
  - “Ladies, meet Stripper Lily.”
  - “So you went to a strip club? - (CHUCKLING) Busted.”
  - “So, strip club.”
- Affairs / cheating — 2 moment(s)
  - “Not everyone is you, okay, Barney? Even when I do start to have a dirty thought like that, it seems so much like cheating on Lily, that I feel guilty.”
  - “But even when I do, I feel so guilty that I I have to imagine you passing away first because even in a fantasy world, I could never cheat on you.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You kill me off? I mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not murder me? Murder? No! I Baby, no.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “So, if you need me, I'll be getting grinded like some pepper in the champagne room.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Did one of your whores tell you that? And, Lil, Marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just to have an innocent fantasy.”

## S5 E3 — 3. Robin 101
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0503.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Robin fears that Barney is cheating on her, she soon discovers that he is spending his evenings with Ted learning everything there is to know on how to date her.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “This is not a one-night stand.”
  - “And then, once you're off the phone with Lily, I'll be down in the bar ready to have sex.”
  - “What do these mean? - You guys just had sex? (EX CLAIMING) Wasn't me.”
  - “Friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target.”
  - “I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard? - We did that already.”
  - “No, like, really big boobs.”
- Affairs / cheating — 2 moment(s)
  - “He's cheating on me.”
  - “A college notebook? Oh, my God, he's cheating on me with some college girl.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “(READING) You have to clean your gun.”
  - “My uncle had a filthy, old shotgun, blew both his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver.”
  - “She will punch you.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “But she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch.”
  - “Jerk! Bastard! Barack Obama, Jr? Mmm-hmm.”
  - “What the hell is that? Marshall got it in college.”
  - “These guys are really starting to piss me off! "Lmmediately switch the conversation to one of the following, "unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes.”
  - “Barney! Do you have a problem with this class? Yeah, it's boring as hell and I'm not learning anything.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Sorry to have wasted your time.”
  - “Designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham in the Beaux-Arts style, this architectural gem was the first of its kind - Professor Mosby? - Yes, Susan? That's a woman drinking beer on the toilet.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “I knew there was a skank, but I thought she'd at least be dumb.”

## S5 E4 — 4. The Sexless Innkeeper
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0504.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall realize that Robin and Barney are the perfect double-date friends, they try too hard to impress and come on too strong, forcing Barney and Robin to try to break up with them.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Ted, that girl had no intention of ever hooking up with you.”
  - “I remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher was very sexy.”
  - “She saw the tweed jacket, which basically says you're not interested in, nor probably even capable of having sex.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You know what? I hope those underwater aliens are cold-blooded.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Stop here for margaritas.”
  - “Would you like a margarita? In Cabo, I saw Sammy Hagar eating a Belgian waffle! And they kept shoving platters of food in our faces.”
  - “" I swallowed my pride and six shots of whiskey.”
  - “We're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks for a boat ride around the city.”

## S5 E5 — 5. Duel Citizenship
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0505.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: While Barney tries to convince Robin to become an American citizen, Ted and Marshall's fabled road trip takes a wrong turn when Marshall invites Lily.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “You didn't even let me put on underwear! We never used to put on underwear! That was the fun of a bros' trip to Gazzola's! We left everything and everyone behind.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Not only are you wrong, but you are belligerently sticking to your guns, and insulting me in the process.”
  - “We'll pass a state trooper! - Punch buggy yellow! - (EX CLAIMS IN PAIN) Yellow, that reminds me.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “Road trip! - (MARSHALL CHUCKLES) So, you guys want to talk about bitches? I'm kidding.”
  - “Oh, my God, that sucks! - Yeah.”
  - “What the hell is this? - Oh, Curling.”
  - “How am I supposed to have fun? (BOTH SINGING ALONG) And I would walk 500 miles And I would walk 500 more Hey, you really think Lily's pissed? If she's pissed, she's pissed.”
  - “…her? I'm planting my flag in her, if you know what I mean, which you probably don't, and getting her the hell out of here.”
  - “God, my stomach! Damn you, Gazzola's! (GROANS) It's like a hot ball of lead! Baby, cut it out of me.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Well, I could go in for just one beer.”
  - “(SHUSHING) You want to go to the store and get some beer? (SOFT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) Lily is asleep.”
  - “God, you're still drunk.”

## S5 E6 — 6. Bagpipes
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0506.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: To prove that he and Robin are the perfect couple, Barney arrogantly gives relationship advice to Marshall, which results in a huge fight between Marshall and Lily.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Then I don't care if you have an orgasm.”
  - “We just called it a tie and had sex.”
  - “What the hell has gotten into you two? When did you become so nauseating? Isn't it great to finally see her fulfilled emotionally, spiritually and sexually? - Um, I dated her for a year.”
- Nudity & bodies — 6 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Every time it looks like we're about to get into a fight Why is there a bag of panties labeled "April 2008" in your closet?”
  - “Why? What is in your hand? Oh, my God, what is in your hand? Okay, so you walk away, Robin gets naked.”
  - “Actually, the naked thing ain't bad.”
  - “How could you not? I mean, the girl's all eyes and boobs.”
  - “The bag of panties.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “The tie Robin murdered.”
  - “Once I have her attention, it's time to bring out the big guns.”
- Racism & slurs — 1 moment(s)
  - “So I just welcomed them to the building, had a hard candy, nodded politely at some racist comments and then left.”

## S5 E7 — 7. The Rough Patch
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0507.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: After Barney and Robin hit a rough patch in their relationship, Lily devises the perfect plan to break them up, calling in help from Robin's famous friend, Alan Thicke.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Horny Co-Ed Surprise Party 23.”
  - “I wanna dance, I wanna have sex with a girl and I wanna go fishing.”
  - “Heads, we have sex.”
  - “" So are you happy? And you know what goes hand-in-hand with fighting, the make-up sex, which is different when you're in a loving, long-term relationship.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - “Open it, open it, open it, open it! It's my porn collection! Just kidding.”
  - “It's your porn collection.”
  - “" OLDER TED: Kids, pornography is bad.”
  - “And so, I was getting rid of that vile pornography right away I am getting rid of this vile pornography right away.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “What is this doing in my champagne? If we make Robin think for even a second that Barney is proposing, she'll lose it, and they'll break up.”

## S5 E8 — 8. The Playbook
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0508.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin and Barney break up, Barney pulls out all of his greatest tricks to get himself back into the dating scene.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “"Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again.”
  - “What the heck? It's Lorenzo Von Matterhorn! You son of a bitch! So he hooked up with Shelly? You must have been pissed.”
  - “Let me think, do I wanna go out with a girl Barney hooked up with? - Guys, help me out with the harmonies.”
  - “You know, make out with her a little.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “"The fake medical journal featuring the heartbreaking story "of doctors telling him penis reduction surgery isn't an option.”
  - “Have you guys seen "The My Penis Grants Wishes"? - Really? A genie comes out of it? - Only if you rub it hard enough.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “What the heck? It's Lorenzo Von Matterhorn! You son of a bitch! So he hooked up with Shelly? You must have been pissed.”
  - “You son of a bitch! Wow, you stole The Playbook? - So the girl on the Empire State Building? - A friend of mine, an actress.”
  - “Damn straight! Barney, I've had Shelly set aside for Ted for three years.”
  - “(SINGING) Hell, no - (SINGING) Hell, no - (SINGING) Hell, no - (SINGING) Hell, no Well, you must be a little bothered by this? Well, it's his life.”
  - “Look, if these girls are dumb enough to fall for this crap, they have it coming.”
  - “No more flimflams! - Damn it! Oh, my God.”
  - “I guess I've been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I Oh, crap, she's looking over here.”

## S5 E9 — 9. Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0509.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Barney freaks out when Marshall bequeaths a "slap bet" slap to Ted and Robin. Meanwhile, Lily's estranged father shows up for Thanksgiving.
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “Three, we're going to tie Barney to this chair, which shall henceforth be referred to as the slapping throne.”
  - “In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage.”
  - “I've never slapped Barney above the waist.”
  - CHORUS: “(SINGING) You just got slapped across the face, my friend ANNOUNCER: For kids of all ages.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “You son of a bitch.”
  - “Damn it, you know, why didn't I just listen to the prerecorded voice of former Mayor Ed Koch reminding me to take my belongings? No, Marshall, you don't understand.”
  - “Robin and I went to the Port Authority Lost and Found, and there, sitting in their fridge ROBIN: Marshall Eriksen, - is this your turkey? - Yes! That's my turkey! Come here, you handsome little bastard!”
  - “Damn straight.”
  - “Hell, I haven't even seen a wedding photo.”
  - “This is basically hell on Earth.”

## S5 E10 — The Window
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0510.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: The gang tries to help Ted when the perfect girl is finally available, and Marshall takes action when he finds a letter written by his younger self.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “God, you really were a virgin before you met Lily, weren't you? (LILY CHUCKLING) - Well, that's unnecessary.”
  - “I, Barney Stinson, being of sound mind and amazing body, will wear these overalls until I have sex with a woman.”
  - “I'm going to have sex with her, then he's going to tell her he's in love with her, and then you can do whatever you want.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “That smug son of a bitch will never let us hear the end of it.”
  - “Jealous bitch! - Robin, how could you? No, she's right.”
  - “Oh, hell, yeah! It's my overalls.”
  - “Who'd you get to cover your class tonight? - Crap! - Oh, my God! - Hey.”
  - “Damn it, Marshall! Whatever you have to do, keep Maggie Wilks single until I get back.”
  - “And if you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing? Right? I think you're ready, bro.”
  - “Come on! Ted, you gotta help me! I gotta get these damn things off! MRS.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “No! Let's have a glass of wine first.”

## S5 E11 — Last Cigarette Ever
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0511.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: The gang struggles to quit smoking while Robin clashes with her new jaded co-worker.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “You can sleep with Marshall.”
  - “I don't want to sleep with Marshall.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “…still on, and three, at this hour, your entire viewing audience is one half-drunk slob sitting in his underwear, so MIKE: Back in five, four Well, let's do a great show for that half-drunk slob.”
  - “Okay, the underwear thing was your choice, and I don't like that it's catching on.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Well, that half-drunk slob appreciates it.”

## S5 E12 — Girls vs. Suits
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0512.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Barney debates giving up wearing suits in order to land a hot bartender, his conflicted feelings lead to an amazingly awesome musical number. Meanwhile, Ted gets one step closer to meeting the future mother of his kids.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “…boys and girls Are impeccably well-dressed That delivery guy in a jacket and tie That puppy in a double-breast That '80s dude with muttonchops That baby with a lollipop That lady cop who's kind of cute Nothing suits…”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “" Is that equal parts vodka and get-the-hell-out-of-my-face? Hey, Bobby! OLDER TED: Later that night, I embarked upon a very important first date.”
  - “But it also says, "Don't teach drunk," and I do that all the time.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “She's a whore.”

## S5 E13 — Jenkins
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0513.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Lily refuses to believe that Jenkins, Marshall's attractive female colleague, kissed him, Marshall insists Jenkins tell Lily what really happened. Meanwhile, Robin finds out that a drinking game has been made up about her.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “You want to have sex with Jenkins? With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins.”
  - “Step one, sleep with Jenkins.”
  - “Step two, I sleep with Jenkins first.”
  - “And I'm sorry I had sex with you in the mailroom.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Second of all, no, I think of her like a big brother, who, I guess, has boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Jenkins gets up on the table and starts gyrating like some sort of deranged stripper.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “Well, say, gun to your head, you had to say one of us was the reacher.”
  - “Okay, now, there's a gun to my head, and our future children, and our future cat or monkey, depending on who wins the game of Risk we've been playing for three years.”
  - “It was thick and rough, like a starfish arm! I'm so jealous! I'm just gonna go over there and punch her right in the nose.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “" Jenkins! So we all go out for beers after work.”
  - “" Well, then I guess it's not a very good drinking game, which would mean last night, when Barney and I played it, I didn't get super wasted and throw up all over myself.”
  - “I was really drunk.”
  - “You were drunk at 8:00 in the morning? - Yeah, I don't know how that happened.”

## S5 E14 — Perfect Week
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0514.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney is about to complete the perfect week - landing seven different girls in seven days - the gang roots him on in order to forget about their own miserable week.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “Boxing had Ali, basketball had Jordan, and the sport of sleeping with random hotties has my next guest, Mr.”
  - “Trying to sleep with seven women in seven nights is not doing fine.”
  - “Barney was the best sex I ever had.”
  - “I mean, it's really like the sexual equivalent of baseball's perfect game.”
  - “You are just using meaningless sex to distract yourself - from a really serious issue.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “I think I'm gonna go small boobs tonight.”
  - “…with the skates and the sticks walked in here? Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, my panties would drop so hard there would be a hole in the floor halfway to China.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Beer here! Thanks.”
  - “What really happened? I had lunch at a Staten Island Chili's and banged a drunk hairdresser.”
  - “Martini? We're having a beer with a New York Yankee.”
- Fat-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Over 200 women, spanning six continents, and not a single fatty.”

## S5 E15 — Rabbit or Duck
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0515.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall forget to fix up Ted on a blind date for Valentine's Day, they use one of Barney's many discarded girls to see if they may become Ted's future wife. Meanwhile, Robin's obnoxious colleague invites her to a party at his apartment.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “I've enlisted Ranjit's services as my personal driver because for the next week, I'll be sleeping with hundreds of women, and I don't wanna take the subway, 'cause, you know, germs.”
  - “What, you're actually gonna hook up with these girls that call you? Oh, indubitably.”
  - “I just can't hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl out there with whom up can be hooked.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “It's something called "The Naked Man.”
  - “She could be trapped in a giant bra! Barney, Barney, let it go to voicemail.”
  - “Not because I was naked.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “That beer looks a little flat.”
  - “What? Getting drunk and cleaning the apartment was a plan? I did not say it was a good plan.”

## S5 E16 — Hooked
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0516.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When the gang tries to convince Ted that he is being strung along by Tiffany, they reflect about relationships where each of them has been in the same situation.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “(BARNEY LAUGHS) Ain't no party like a pharma girl party 'Cause a pharma girl party don't stop Dude, I've already hooked up with three of them.”
  - “" And so, hot girls rolled into doctors' offices, looking sexy enough to render the very erection pills they peddled ironically redundant.”
  - “Ever! - Finish him! We will never be together in any sort of sexual way ever again! Nice.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “I've been a hookee and a hooker.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Champagne? - Ted! Oh, my gosh.”
- Homophobic jokes — 1 moment(s)
  - “Homo erectus, indeed.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “You want to see my rap poster? Poster whore! Anyway, Lisa Walker strung me along for months until, one night, I went to go tell her how much I loved her, (ALL EX CLAIMING IN ADMIRATION) In song.”

## S5 E17 — Of Course
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0517.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Robin confesses that she is still angry with Barney for the way he handled their break-up, she enlists the help of Anita, a self-help author who plans to beat Barney at his own game.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 6 moment(s)
  - “I get her back to my place, and she just bolts? I mean, at least, when I run out on a girl, I have the common courtesy to sleep with her first.”
  - “Did she make excuses to establish physical contact with you? - Is this cashmere? - Cashmere? (SCOFFS) This is handspun virgin Merino.”
  - “That's why the book says, "Never sleep with a guy on the first date.”
  - “Is that right? Well - LILY: Really? - Men Are From Mars - Okay! Okay! Okay! Fine! Barney, when you were with this girl, did she suddenly slip the word "sex" into the conversation?”
  - “And it totally sex.”
  - “I mean, that guy has been active sexually.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “And bigger boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Strip club? - Strip club.”
  - “Robin Scherbatsky, you look like the classiest, most expensive prostitute ever.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “It just warms my freaking heart! (EX CLAIMS) (GUN CLICKING) (GRUNTS) (EXHALING) - So, are you sure you're not upset?”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut.”
  - “Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut crap on me! It's not crap! Of Course You're Still Single.”

## S5 E18 — Say Cheese
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0518.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted ruins Lily's birthday dinner celebration by bringing a date, Lily goes to great lengths to keep her out of the traditional photo she takes every year of the gang.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “I'm so excited to have sex again.”
  - “Is your thing, " I had sex with my philosophy professor last night"? 'Cause that's my thing.”
  - “Two months! And I had just started having sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “I took some naked pictures of myself before I wrapped it, put a bow on it.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Meat is murder! (SCREAMING) Meat is murder! Okay, I admit it.”
  - “Don't look, don't look! Why aren't you looking? - It's Slash from Guns N' Roses.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “It's called Name That Bitch.”
  - “Smile, you son-of-a-bitch! - Got it! - Did you, though? What? How do you do that? You weren't even standing up.”
  - “But, damn it, Ted, over the years, you've made me cynical.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Unlike Marshall, who just looks dead, stoned, and cold.”
- Slut-shaming — 4 moment(s)
  - “Look, I'm a bird! - Let's all be birds! - Lily! Tell me the truth! No, of course not! I'm not gonna let another one of your dumb skanks ruin my precious memories!”
  - “Well, let's just take a little walk down Random Skank Lane.”
  - “Do I get a vote? Skank Lane.”
  - “How about no more random skanks at my birthday? Hey, sweetie.”

## S5 E19 — Zoo or False
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0519.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Marshall gets mugged, Lily decides she wants to get a gun for protection, so Marshall comes up with a convoluted story about the mugging to deter Lily from following through.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm gonna pretend this happened to me later to try and get some sympathy sex.”
  - “Boo! - (SCREAMS) Oh, my God, Lily! I thought you were going as a sexy cat! I changed my mind.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Well, where did they find him? I'm guessing naked in a tree, throwing his own feces.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “I can't believe someone pointed a gun at my Marshmallow! I'm shaking! I don't think I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight.”
  - “(GUN CLICKS) - The safety's on.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Strange, 'cause you look like you just had two vodka tonics thrown in your face.”

## S5 E20 — Home Wreckers
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0520.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted attends his mother's wedding, he is extremely disturbed by her overly affectionate relationship with her fiancé, which forces him to think about his own life and make an impulsive decision.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “As a painter /songwriter / volunteer fear fighter, I find her incredibly sexual.”
  - “But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Please don't.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “(SIGHING) I made a mistake letting you go, didn't I? Your penis is enormous.”
  - “MOSBY SHUSHING) Working on our night moves Trying to make some front page drive-in news Working on our night moves Your penis is enormous.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “The blood pumps to my loins When I penetrate her OLDER TED: Kids, I swear to God, I blacked out for the next 12 minutes.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “You must've been drunk off your ass.”
  - “"Drunk or Kid?" Which one was I? Lock in your guesses.”

## S5 E21 — Twin Beds
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0521.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted and Barney jeopardize Robin's new relationship by professing their love for her, Robin realizes that she is finally over them. Meanwhile, after spending a weekend sleeping in twin beds, Marshall and Lily decide to get twin beds at home.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “See, I wanna have sex with her at least one more time! She is mine! She's not yours! And she's not mine, either.”
  - “Long story short, this exchange student's arms gave out, and we both fell, ass over sex swing.”
  - “Somehow sex and sleep got all jumbled together, but they're two different things.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Sure, you'll always love Robin, "but remember other women? "More importantly, remember other boobs? "And all the cool stuff you can do with boobs? "Nuzzle, juggle, honka-honka.”
  - “" Then there's just a bunch of drawings of boobs.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “"Oh, also, she cheated on you.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “Robin! Robin, I love you! - You son of a bitch! - Robin! Robin, I brought you the blue French horn! I brought you the blue French horn! Robin, Ted's just holding it for me.”
  - “Hell, two might be even better than one, for some reason.”
  - “Okay, don't get me wrong, Cher puts on a hell of a show.”
  - “Baby, did we just revolutionize modern marriage? Damn straight! (CLICKING TONGUE) - Hey! - Hey! - Hey, guys.”
  - “But listen, we can never pull crap like that ever again.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Boy, was Ted drunk.”
  - “We were drunk and stupid.”
- Homophobic jokes — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ted and Robin? Not seeming so gay now, am I, Donny? - Appletini for the gentleman.”

## S5 E22 — Robots vs. Wrestlers
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0522.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted, Marshall, Lily and Barney crash a highfalutin party at a swanky New York apartment, Ted gets the chance to mingle with the snooty guests and show off his intellectual side.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “Face, boobs, describe.”
  - “Start with boobs.”
  - “Four, no breast-feeding in front of me.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “And, of course, Stripper Lily.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “"A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs" (BARNEY MAKES FARTING NOISE) (BOTH LAUGHING) OLDER TED: That's how it had always been for me with the gang.”
  - “"A ruddy drop of manly blood The surging sea outweighs "The world uncertain comes and goes" (MAKES FARTING NOISE) I'm sorry.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - ROBOT: “Is that all you got, bitch? But can you at least promise me that you won't get pregnant for another year? Can't make that promise.”
  - “Hey, Zsa Zsa Gabor is still looking pretty hot, but otherwise, this party sucks.”
  - “(WRESTLER GRUNTING) (LILY GASPING) - Holy crap! - I don't believe it! (EX CLAIMING) Well, of course, hell is an interesting concept, isn't it? I've always loved to imagine it as Dante did in The Divine Comedy.”
  - “But no matter what, to this day, come hell or high water, we still all get together every year for Robots vs.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Free booze at Marissa Heller's party, then Robots vs.”
  - “There's free food, free booze.”
  - “You don't decant white wine.”
  - “(DRUNKENLY) Rule number 83, if anything that comes out of that baby gets on one of my suits, I get to touch Lily's boobs.”

## S5 E23 — The Wedding Bride
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0523.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 1/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Ted takes a date to see a new hit movie, "The Wedding Bride," he is shocked to learn the story is loosely based on his life, and that it was written by Tony, the man Stella left him for at the altar.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Angry sex on the first date, and then as soon as you mention breakfast, she's gone.”
  - “and our sex life is terrible.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Actually, it's porn.”
  - “Only women with major baggage go into porn.”
  - “A barber, a stripper and a Jew lliard-trained violinist, walked into a bar.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh! What about when he got beat up by the goat? - (ALL LAUGHING) - So funny.”

## S5 E24 — Doppelgangers
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0524.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Marshall and Lily make a secret pact to start trying to have a baby if they ever finally see Barney's doppelganger. Meanwhile, Robin finally gets an offer for her dream job.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “You know how it's my dream to have sex with at least one woman - from every country on the planet? - Sure.”
  - “And this is the sound of me filing my corporate guidelines on sexual harassment.”
  - “"Guys, Lily and I "are having unprotected sex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “There was Lesbian Robin (SPITTING) Mustache Marshall, Stripper Lily (PEOPLE CHEERING) And Mexican Wrestler Me.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's the sound of my three-hole punch.”

## S6 E1 — 1. Big Days
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0601.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted and Barney argue about who has "dibs" on a hot girl, Ted realizes that she is there with Cindy, a girl he previously dated who is also the roommate of his future wife. Meanwhile, Robin is heartbroken over Don, and Marshall can't keep quiet about his desire to start a family.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “That book might as well be called, are you there, Barney? It's Me, Horny.”
  - “And, um, some time over the next few months, I'm going to want to sleep with you.”
  - “Okay, I'm ready to have sex now.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Beer be with you.”
  - “Why? Do I look nervous? Look at your beer, dude.”
  - “Frilly French undies and a box of wine.”

## S6 E2 — 2. Cleaning House
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0602.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Barney convinces the gang to help his mom move out of her home, they quickly learn that she has been very protective of Barney and lied to him about events throughout his life. Meanwhile, Ted gets upset when Robin oversells him to a blind date.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “"Orgasms so intense that you just black out.”
  - “The comfort of home is a little ruined when someone turns your old room into what I'm pretty sure is a Tantric sex temple.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Also, Janey Masterson's mother is a whore, and with gin on her breath at 10:00 in the morning, she's got some nerve kicking us out of the carpool.”

## S6 E3 — 3. Unfinished
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0603.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted declines Barney's offer to design the new GNB building, Barney ties to woo him by using all of his best womanizing tactics. Meanwhile, Robin is still not over her relationship with Don and drunk dials him.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Call me old-fashioned, but I need to have sex with a girl at least three times before I'll even consider having dinner with her.”
  - “It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn't.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “"This just in" is what I'm gonna say when I'm stabbing you".”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “You son of a bitch! Look, I can't do business with people who lie to me.”
  - “Why aren't you in class? You son of a bitch.”
  - “Where's the poop, Robin? Damn it! Okay, in the process of truly getting over him, I may have called him and left an Indelicate voice mail.”
  - “Oh, that sucks.”
  - “It sucks! Man, the courtside Knicks seats that are available to all upper level GNB employees are too close to the action.”
  - “…the end of it all, have the rug pulled out from under me? I love being a Professor, okay? All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is?”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “And that asian slut on your Facebook page.”

## S6 E4 — 4. Subway Wars
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0604.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When the gang teases Robin about not being a "real" New Yorker, she sets out to prove them wrong by racing them to a downtown restaurant to catch a glimpse of Woody Allen, the ultimate New Yorker.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Anyone have a condom? Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no! That's it! You know what? Five-minute time-out! Corner booth! Now.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet.”

## S6 E5 — 5. Architect of Destruction
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0605.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 4/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: Ted becomes conflicted about pursuing his dream job of designing the new GNB headquarters after meeting a hot girl who's passionate about saving the landmark building that is being torn down to make room for it.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I guess she and Max hooked up last night.”
  - “Are you suggesting that guys don't talk about sex? Yes, we do, but you know what we say? "I hit that.”
- Nudity & bodies — 6 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I guess he has a small penis, but they want to double-date next weekend.”
  - “No! The other part! Oh, the small penis thing? Ah! Don't! Stop saying that! Why do you keep saying that? You I don't want to know that.”
  - “New is always better? You know who's a million times hotter than the hottest girl I've ever slept with? Her okay-looking friend I haven't seen naked.”
  - “Barney, every time I mention a woman you don't know, the first thing you say is, "Boobs?" Not the complete sentence, "Does she have big boobs?" Which also would not be great.”
  - Just: “"Boobs?" I do not do that.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “And when you're at a Guns n' Roses concert, you're like, "Yeah, yeah, Paradise City, whatever.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “If I thought that Lily talked in that much detail about our sex life, I'd probably kill myself.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - ZOEY: “Hey, Mosby! You're gonna have to come out of your hole at some point, you son of a bitch! MAN: Yeah! Legalize it! Dude! Ready.”
  - “Will you sign this petition? "Save The Arcadian"" We are gonna stop the bastards at Goliath National Bank from demolishing it.”
  - “Damn it, Marshall! Okay.”
  - “Damn it! Yeah, I-I think it is so cool that you started your own law firm.”
  - “Although I hear there's a lovely rooftop patio where folks can enjoy a nice bag lunch, so Ted, I will find the bastards at GNB responsible for this, and I promise you, I will take them down.”
  - “Ted, everything okay? Yea um um You work for GNB? Dude, why are you dressed like a wizard? She was really hot, okay? (chuckling) How the hell could you do that? Simple.”
  - “It's a stupid old piece-of-crap, run-down, snake-infested dump! Okay, are there or aren't there snakes?! Who mentioned snakes?! And stop shouting! You're scaring Cottontail.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - ZOEY: “Hey, guys! I appreciate the great turnout, but just so we're all on the same page, this is not a rally to legalize marijuana.”
  - “" "As the musky scent of man "and Marshall's sure-footed traction intoxicated and overpowered me.”

## S6 E6 — 6. Baby Talk
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0606.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Marshall and Lily research how to conceive a baby with the gender of their choice. Meanwhile, Robin is growing more and more irritated by her perky new co-anchor, Becky.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Who's your daddy? You are, 'cause of all the sex we have.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Ten-pound? Eight-pound? I guess, but, dude, you're writing checks my vagina can't cash.”
  - “I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance.”
  - “Oh, Esther gets naked.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “The Ted that I went out with was attracted to the kind of woman who could use a steak knife without supervision.”
  - “And weird survivalist uncle who lives in a cabin with a shotgun blaming stuff on the government.”
  - “In other news, later today, a Manhattan architect gets punched in the throat.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Let's call her "Vodka.”
  - “" Then at least we know you'd hold her tight and never let her go! Don't knock the vodka.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “" And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name.”

## S6 E7 — 7. Canning Randy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0607.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Zoey enrolls in Ted's class, she manipulates his students into taking her side in the fight to save the building being torn down to make room for his project. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily spot Robin marching in the Halloween parade of shame.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Please tell me you're not hooking up with one of your co-anchors again.”
  - “Please tell me you are hooking up with one of your co-anchors again.”
  - “You didn't sleep with her? No.”
  - “Robin, who'd you sleep with? I told you-- Randy.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “" First of all, that line makes me sound like a hooker and saying it makes me feel like a hooker, so.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Randy murdered him.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Now, I hate to stop while I'm on a roll, but happy Halloween, ya crazies! (class cheering) Hey, Professor Brosby, you gonna come get beers with us later? Nah, I got a thing.”
  - “Uh, you want a beer? Oh, no, thank you.”
  - LILY: “Your co-host is getting super-popular because of her stupid commercial, "Boats! Boats! Boats!" So, when you arrived at the GNB party after we left, you were feeling vulnerable and drunk.”
  - “Imagine a beer with my name on it.”

## S6 E8 — 8. Natural History
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0608.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When the gang attends a black tie fundraiser at the Natural History Museum, Ted runs into Zoey and sees a whole different side of her when she introduces him to her husband, The Captain.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “College Lily thinks those are orgasms.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “What? How have I changed? Did I cheat on you? No.”

## S6 E9 — 9. Glitter
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0609.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Barney finds a copy of the Canadian kids show "Space Teens" starring Robin's alter-ego "Robin Sparkles," the gang learns more about Robin's past as a performer than they expected.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “It's like we're on a desert island, and this video is a really hot, naked chick, and she's got, like, seaweed on her and a seashell bra.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 6 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - Porn / adult-channel plot is part of this episode.
  - “(upbeat music plays on TV) Space Teens?! Is this a porno? No, no.”
  - “This does have all the earmarks of porn.”
  - “Stripper pole, bad lighting, delusional girl who thinks it's a stepping stone to mainstream success.”
  - “Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kind of weird.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You see him once a year, at which point, he punches you really hard in the arm and tells everyone how you dookied your pants.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “I even thought she might try to kill herself.”

## S6 E10 — Blitzgiving
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0610.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted leaves the bar early to prepare a Thanksgiving feast for his friends, the gang winds up partying all night with The Blitz, an old friend from college who has bad luck. As a result Ted is forced to spend Thanksgiving with Zoey.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “(all agreeing, whooping) ALL (chanting): Make out with Zoey! Make out with Zoey! Make out Did they tell you about the skateboarding dog? It was awesome! Great.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “(giggles) Completely naked! Completely naked! Aw, man! And the movie was awesome.”
  - “And then I'm just going to leave her there buck-naked, covered in candle wax, tied to the bed.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “What? No! N- n-n-n-no! N-n-no! I'm not The Blitz! The only thing I missed last night was my best friends stabbing me in the back by hanging out with my worst enemy.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “They called her a bitch, but deep down, they know she's right.”
  - “Let's take this bitch down.”
  - “And then, Thanksgiving morning What the hell happened here? Hey! Morning, Blitz! Aw, man! No, no! Let's get one thing straight, okay? I am not The Blitz.”
  - “For the last two months, she'd been making my life hell.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “And they're about to walk through that door, where we will be waiting with some light beer and some rock hard approval.”
  - “See you later! Bye-bye! All right, bye-bye! Okay, later! Good-bye! Bye-Bye! (pop) Tap's broke! Can't turn 'em off! Free beer for everyone!”

## S6 E11 — The Mermaid Theory
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0611.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted's new friendship with Zoey tests the theory that men and married women can't be friends, he invites her husband, "The Captain," to hang out with them. Meanwhile, Marshall and Robin decide to spend alone time together.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Rule number one Don't use the husband's condoms.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive, you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs.”
  - “What's that? Breast-feeding.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “(all murmur happily) But the top half of his face (all gasp) wants to murder you! Cheerful.”
  - “(all screaming) Wants to murder you.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Marshall's beer goggles kicked in and his very drunk mind started to see No No, no! No! No, don't turn! Uh-oh.”

## S6 E12 — False Positive
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0612.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Marshall and Lily receive shocking news, it has a profound effect on the gang and forces them to reexamine their own lives. Meanwhile, Robin gets a new job, Barney discovers the joy of giving on Christmas and Ted begins his duties as Best Man for his old friend Punchy's wedding.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over-thirties I am the bill and Melinda gates of the sympathy bang.”
  - “Okay, I also said I would never make out with a garbage man.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “And I'm freaking out, too! There's an alien growing in my stomach that's gonna explode out of my vagina!”
  - “Unacceptable! You're gonna turn around, you're gonna go home, get naked, lie together as man and wife until Lily is great with child.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Remote control helicopters! Condoms! And last but not least There is a fleet of limos outside waiting to take us to A strip club!”
  - “No! I cannot go back to that strip club.”
  - “Is that the name of the stripper you've been e-mailing me about? You got to take me off that list, Barney.”
  - “And I don't mean that stripper you keep e-mailing us about, even though we beg you to take us off that list.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “And I just don't think you have what it takes to get that get that soldier to pick up his rifle and charge up the hill.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “I want to be cool aunt Robin, the respected journalist Who gives her beer.”

## S6 E13 — Bad News
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0613.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Marshall and Lily fear they will never get pregnant, they see a specialist who can hopefully help move the process along. Meanwhile, Robin starts her new job.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 11 moment(s)
  - “He's going to masturbate.”
  - “We should have sex.”
  - “You two know each other? - Know each other? We've had sex.”
  - TED: “You had sex with Sandy Rivers? No! Ugh! And I can't believe it's my first day, and already I'm the girl who slept with the host of the show.”
  - “Already? Were you planning on eventually sleeping with the host? Well, now that I know it's Sandy, I'm not.”
  - “We did not have sex.”
  - “Barney, I've already told - "Oh, and my sperm don't work.”
  - “We'll need a sample of your sperm.”
  - “John Stangel? I don't know, baby, do we really need a specialist? Well, what's your plan, Marshall, just have unprotected sex day after day after day in every position imaginable until? Wait, it sounded worse in my head.”
  - “Between the sexual harassment seminar all morning and the secretary beauty pageant all afternoon, he hasn't left my sight.”
  - “Okay, think about it: we've had unprotected sex past four months.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Leave the model of the vagina.”
  - “If people found out Sandy wears a toupee Really? That's your take-away? Nothing on the bear in the bra? Oh, no.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You just strap on the vinyl holster and race into that abandoned JCPenney guns a-blazin'.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “So, second day of work? (blows raspberry) What's wrong? Oh, you didn't hear? She's the office slut.”
  - “I wish I was the office slut.”

## S6 E14 — Last Words
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0614.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: The gang travels home to Minnesota with Marshall where Ted and Barney will stop at nothing to make Marshall laugh. Meanwhile, Marshall has an unfortunate meeting with an old high school bully that terrorized him throughout his youth.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I hooked up with a younger woman the other week Donna Bromstead.”
  - “Yeah so glad we can we can talk about our sex lives now.”
- Swearing — 1 moment(s)
  - “Judy's finally sleeping and it's all because of me! Guys, I have a role: I'm Judy's bitch! Yeah! Well, but this day is tough on you, too.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “I need vodka and dirty playing cards.”
  - “Okay okay, who is responsible for this? Who got Cousin Daphne drunk? She is 15 years old.”
  - “We think getting minors drunk is funny.”
- Racism & slurs — 1 moment(s)
  - “All that stuff was really nice! Yeah! It's positive racism! This is worse than the pork chop.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “That dress makes you look like a Kansas City whore.”

## S6 E15 — Oh Honey
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0615.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Zoey fixes Ted up on a date with her cousin, the gang resorts to calling her "Honey" after learning how naive she is. Meanwhile, Ted calls an intervention on himself after having an epiphany about his feelings for Zoey, and Barney gets acquainted with Honey in Ted's place.
Watch for:
- Swearing — 2 moment(s)
  - “Ted's a son of a bitch! Oh, nice.”
  - “If if she asks you for ketchup, tell her to get it her own damn self.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Oh, come on, man, I brought the wine.”
  - “I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd take you up on that beer you're about to offer me.”
  - “Can I get you a beer? Oh, Ted, I'm so busy.”

## S6 E16 — Desperation Day
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0616.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Barney declares February 13th "Desperation Day," a holiday for desperate women. Meanwhile, Lily surprises Marshall for Valentine's Day, Ted and Zoey continue to figure out their relationship and Robin bonds with her single girlfriends.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “We said you were going to have sex.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You want to see Anna beat him in an arm wrestle? My elbow slipped! Marshall, I'm going home.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “with a drunkenly slurred, "What ya doing?" But when a lady booty-calls a guy, she invents a respectable excuse to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good.”

## S6 E17 — Garbage Island
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0617.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: After Marshall sees a documentary about garbage, he becomes fixated on saving the environment. Meanwhile, Ted runs into Zoey's ex-husband, The Captain, and Robin forces Barney to admit he has feelings for Nora, the girl who made history as his first Valentine's Day date ever.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “And now you're trying to hook up with your ex-girlfriend to prove to yourself that you don't care.”
  - “Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.”
  - “…it is, you're gonna (makes explosion sound) It's my doorman! That son of a bitch! You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman?”
  - “Are you avoiding sleeping with me 'cause you don't want to start a family? Lily, if we have a baby right now, that is just it for me.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “With great penis comes great responsibility.”
  - “That guy scares the panties off me.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “You can imagine then how painful it was when I learned that the name of my betrayer is Ted when I tell you who it is, you're gonna (makes explosion sound) It's my doorman! That son of a bitch!”
  - “Nah Damn it, what is the matter with me? You like her.”
  - “Damn it! Oh, baby, why aren't you in bed? I can't sleep.”
  - “I mean, yes, divorce sucks, but sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things.”

## S6 E18 — A Change of Heart
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0618.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney starts to have real feelings for Nora, he worries that there is something wrong with his heart. Meanwhile, Robyn starts dating a guy who acts a lot like a dog.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I drink every day, I sleep three hours every night, and I have multiple sex partners.”
  - “Without you, we'd have to find some other sex-fueled, depraved animal to entertain us.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Penis feelings.”
  - “I didn't even see her boobs.”
  - “last night? Well, let's see uh, Wheel of Fortune, naked push-ups, naked chin-ups I was at dinner.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “We did not meet him at a strip club.”
  - “Barney's been to a strip club once.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “If nobody stabs you.”
- Swearing — 1 moment(s)
  - “Buttons? Oh, you son of a bitch.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Cocktails on the patio.”

## S6 E19 — Legendaddy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0619.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney finally meets his father, he's surprised to learn how his life turned out. Meanwhile, the gang points out each other's "gaps," something they should know by adulthood but never learned.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Sex swing there, vibrating Jell-O pit right there, rotating Vietnamese Shame Wheel right here.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “There's the "Father Knows Breast," there's the "Bush Dynasty," the "Lick Father, Lick Son.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “And that basketball hoop? Outdoor stripper pole.”
  - “Yeah, buddy? You, uh, still want a basketball hoop out there? Oh, well, I also really liked your outdoor stripper pole idea.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “First of all, Robin, my dad could beat up your dad.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Yes, I drown the son of a bitch.”
  - “So this really sucks, but I'm going to be in the North Pole for the next three months.”
  - “By the way, hell of a tie.”
  - “Hey, Lily, (voice cracks): Can you get me a mojito? Normally, you would've given me crap for an hour about a voice crack that pubescently girl-like, but nothing.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Hey, Lily, can you toss me a beer? Sure, honey.”

## S6 E20 — The Exploding Meatball Sub
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0620.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Lily and Barney react badly when Marshall finally quits his job at Goliath National Bank to take a volunteer position at an environmental organization. Meanwhile, Ted and Zoey's opposing positions on the future of the Arcadia come between them.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Coyote wasn't trying to sleep with the Roadrunner.”
  - “Every time I'm done having sex with a woman, at first, I never want to see her again.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “No! You can't quit tomorrow! The lady with the big nipples is coming back to give another sexual harassment seminar, and I bribed one of the maintenance guys to keep the room at a brisk 55 degrees!”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “She's obviously a prostitute.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “If I hear myself say "Baby, you have my full support" one more time, I swear I'm gonna murder someone!”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “Why don't you admit that your girlfriend challenging your every move is getting you a little murder-suicidey? Why don't you admit that Marshall quitting his job and taking an unpaid internship is killing you? It's not.”
- Swearing — 1 moment(s)
  - “That's love, bitch.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “All that work wasted.”

## S6 E21 — Hopeless
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0621.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney tries to bond with his father, he asks the gang to help make his life seem more exciting by lying about their own lives. Meanwhile, Robin runs into a guy she has a crush on.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “If I can score five numbers before you can, then we have sex in the bathroom.”
  - “But if you can score five numbers before me, then we have sex in the bathroom.”
  - “I specifically remember, because we had great sex that night.”
  - “My prize sex in the bathroom.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Little thing instead of being a naked super ninja, can I be Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada? - How good was that movie? - Oh, my God.”
  - “Well, after a long day of style meetings and photo shoots and being way too mean to my assistant, I sometimes bang an underwear model.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “I never thought tonight would be so awesome! So next stop, strip club.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “What's a magician's best friend? A drunk audience.”
  - ROBIN: “Two, three, four! Ba, ba, ba, ba Ba, ba, ba Ba, ba, ba, da, da, da, da, da, da! Ow! Yeah! So, Saturday night time to cut loose, right? Who wants to split a beer? BARNEY: Oh, we're not drinking here.”
  - “Oh Oh (others talking at once) Hey, sugar! Five beers for the table, a Seven-and-Seven for me, and your ten digits for this guy here!”
  - “The Lusty Leopard has a special Oh, for corn's sake, Barney, I'm not drunk! - What? - I told you, I don't party anymore, and you wouldn't take no for an answer.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “My goodness! I sleep around, too.”

## S6 E22 — The Perfect Cocktail
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0622.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Marshall and Barney argue over the destruction of the Arcadian Hotel, Robin and Lily try to mix the right combination of cocktails that will force them to make up. Meanwhile, Ted plans a romantic weekend away with Zoey.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I'm torn between training an actual coyote to use an ACME dynamite plunger, or hooking up a fuse to Eddie Van Halen's guitar that goes off the second he hits the last note to "Hot For Teacher.”
  - “Hey, I dare you guys to dare us to make out.”
  - “I dare you guys to dare us to make out.”
  - “But I guess we'll have to settle for what sounded like two very large men having sex next door with a third very small man.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Zoey's not shutting anything down, standing out there with her stupid megaphone, screaming in the wind; butt cheeks trembling with fury; her perky breasts heaving; her self-righteous nipples Dude, that's my girlfriend.”
  - “I mean, we're, we're cool, right? Not only do you quit the job I stuck my neck out to get you, now you sabotage the project I'm in charge of? Is this because I brushed Lily's boob with my elbow, the other day?”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “Can you get STDs from the ghost of a prostitute? (woman in bathroom screams) (screams) What are What are you doing in our bathroom? WOMAN (with thick accent): This bathroom for entire floor! (toilet flushes) Okay.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “That bitch is not giving us the walk-by.”
  - “We need to get these bitches drunk.”
  - “(squeaks) (screams) That, that was that! Oh, my God! It's the cock-a-mouse! The what? Cock-a-mouse.”
  - “(baby cock-a-mice squeaking) Ew.”
  - “What kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends, but instead sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone? TED: Dude.”
  - “(falsetto): A stink-eye-walk-by?! Aw, hell no! I hope this drink isn't teething, 'cause it's about to get nursed.”
  - “Do you know what I had to do to get you that job? Do you know what I had to do to will myself to show up every day? What, wear a wrinkled suit and not give a damn about what your hair looked like?”
  - “(sighs) Damn it, I know what happened.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 9 moment(s)
  - “Yes, but the right kind of drunk.”
  - “Maybe red wine? Oh, I don't know.”
  - “Red wine has kind of an odd effect on Barney.”
  - “Oh last time Marshall got gin-drunk was at that douchey bar Barney likes to go to.”
  - NARRATOR: “Kids, don't drink tequila.”
  - “Well, what drink finally did the trick? ROBIN: Of course, beer.”
  - “(laughing drunkenly) Uh, no.”
  - “N-not right Carl, a round of champagne.”
  - “Ooh! The champagne.”
- Racism & slurs — 1 moment(s)
  - “He's just an awful, flatulent racist.”

## S6 E23 — Landmarks
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0623.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted is faced with an important decision that might affect his future with Zoey, the gang expresses their true feelings about her.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Barney, there's condoms in the drawer.”
  - “Yes! Ah! Where the bartenders wear sexy judges' robes.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “All right, what's the message? 'Cause if it's another hypothetical yet eerily accurate drawing of my boobs Yeah, I have that, too.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “And I mistook you for a prostitute right here.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “What kind of dirtbag doesn't stand by his best friends, but instead, sides with some self-righteous bitch with a pointless cause and a megaphone?! TED: Dude! That's my girlfriend.”
  - “Damn it! I was kidding? I'm not kidding! Oh, by the way, Arthur, uh, how are things with you and your wife? Really good.”
  - BOTH: “Damn it! No, you'd better make sure Mosby doesn't screw up tomorrow.”
  - TED: “They're going to fire him? That sucks.”
  - “The LPC's gonna come back with a decision tomorrow, and based on today They're gonna landmark the hell out of that place.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ho! You're judged by a jury of your beers.”

## S6 E24 — Challenge Accepted
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0624.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Robin and Barney bond when they intervene in Ted's relationship, and Marshall and Lily watch a ticking clock as he fears that he soon will be the victim of food poisoning. Meanwhile, Ted performs his Best Man duties at a very important wedding
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Bingo! Yes, a bloated seal corpse rotting in industrial waste.”
  - “Hey, baby, how'd it go? Lily, this year, this nasty schoolyard bully of a year will not stop punching me in the face.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “Ted really can go on about a bitch.”
  - “What if I make all the wrong ones and my building just sucks? Not possible.”
  - “It's been a hell of a ride.”
  - “I mean, who pays attention to that sappy romantic crap? (scoffs) BOTH: Lily! Yeah, I wasn't listening, either.”
  - “Damn it, Marshall.”
  - “(Robin and Barney laugh) Oh, crap.”
  - “Okay, where the hell are they? Maybe this isn't the intersection.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “So, uh, you guys want to buy some weed or? She's alone! There's still time! But where the hell is Ted? Wait a minute.”
- Fat-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “What about me? I got so fat, at the end of a date, you'd unhook my bra.”

## S7 E1 — 1. The Best Man
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0701.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: While Barney prepares for his wedding to a mystery bride, he and Ted reminisce about Punchy's wedding, including when Marshall and Lily announced they are having a baby. Meanwhile, Robin considers telling Barney she has feelings for him.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Are escaped manslaughterers sexy? Not even remotely.”
  - “Yowza! Escaped manslaughterers-- not sexy.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “Barney Stinson needs you right before his wedding, you assume there's at least one dead hooker in the closet, right?”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “You can't let holding some, some little baby oh, with the cute little cheeks and the the little arms and little legs This son of a bitch has knee dimples.”
  - “" Now I think, "I just know "that bitch is gonna take the last whole-wheat everything bagel.”
  - “Damn it, Barney.”
  - “Look at this little bastard.”
  - “And that sucks.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “What'll you have? Four beers, plus one non-alcoholic.”
  - “I think Papa can manage a few extra cocktails.”
  - “You are drunker than I thought.”
  - “Because the only person on Earth who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen.”

## S7 E2 — 2. The Naked Truth
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0702.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Marshall gets the job of his dreams, he worries that, once the company discovers videos he made in the past, they may rescind the offer. Meanwhile, Ted can't decide who to bring to the Architects Ball.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “What were the lies? You want me to tell you every lie I've ever told a woman to get her into bed? A bed or any other place you had sex with her.”
  - “More than once? More than once Wow, that's (clicking tongue) I guess if we're splitting hairs, then, technically there was a plurality to the times I've lied to women for sex having purposes.”
  - “Yay! And I think that my boss already sexually harassed me.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Oh, there's a snake in the swamp? No, I'm talking about your penis.”
  - “Is that the guy who convinced you to run across campus naked? I was pledging his frat, which I gave up on after three days, because frats are stupid and elitist and also I found out he wasn't in a frat.”
  - “And be honest-- wouldn't you love to stumble onto a video of him running down the street naked, yelling, "Hey, Marshall, look at me!”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “I'm gonna go find one and hang myself from it.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 6 moment(s)
  - “Oh, God, guys, I'm still really hungover.”
  - “So, sweeping declaration-- I am never getting drunk again as long as I live.”
  - “Oh, no And I select the beautiful game, the sweet science Pete, please, I'm so hungover the sport of kings I don't want to play "Edward Forty Hands.”
  - “You got drunk again.”
  - “And if my potential future employer, Garrison Cootes, is watching this bow down to Beercules! (hearty, drunken laughter) Well, that could be anybody.”
  - “Although, for the record-- sweeping declaration!-- I am never getting drunk again.”

## S7 E3 — 3. Ducky Tie
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0703.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After Ted runs into an old girlfriend, he tries to make amends with her since he cheated during their relationship. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily make a bet with Barney that could force him to wear Marshall's ducky tie.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - “…true love God, Lily! What on Earth is going on with your cans? Oh, these old things? I got my pregnancy boobs!”
  - “Okay, can we stop talking about my wife's breasts, please? Ted ran into Victoria! I know, I'm still a little shaken by it.”
  - “I mean, come on, who's in? (Ted, Lily & Robin murmur approval) No! Forget it! Okay, how about this: if you can go ten seconds without looking at Lily's boobs, we'll go wherever you want to go.”
  - Terms: “If you can do all that stuff that Marshall just listed off, I will let you touch one boob.”
  - “Thirty seconds, one boob.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “I let you come wash my dishes! I said my "oven" needed "cleaning"! I invited you into a porno! No.”
- Affairs / cheating — 3 moment(s)
  - “We decided to try long distance, but it didn't work because I cheated on her with someone at this very table.”
  - “You didn't cheat on me with Klaus, did you? - No.”
  - “Just let yourself off the hook on a technicality! Forget the fact that you did cheat on me! Forget it? I will never forget it.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You had the knife skills you had the trigger All you needed then was to want something from me.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “…all this Shinjitsu stuff, just so he could get you out here whipping out your milk-makers! You son of a bitch!”
  - “Damn it! Oh, well.”
  - “This stinks to holy hell! He's gonna win the bet! Baby, come on.”
  - “How could Barney have You brilliant bastard.”
  - “But damn it.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “He got me drunk.”
  - “This one has no booze.”
  - “Yeah, I don't know why people think that Mai Tais need booze.”
  - “You're not drunk? Huh.”

## S7 E4 — 4. The Stinson Missile Crisis
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0704.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After Robin assaults a girl who is out to ruin Barney's relationship, she is forced to begin court-mandated therapy sessions. Meanwhile, Ted gets too involved in Lily's pregnancy.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “I want to have sex with her.”
  - “I hate to play this card but if you don't come to this class I'm withholding sex.”
  - “I realize now that it's my job for the next seven months to keep you happy, and that's why I'm no longer withholding sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “Stinson? I saw your ad, and I'm here for my free breast-reduction consultation.”
  - “Are your really large breasts making everyday tasks difficult? Oh! There's just got to be a better way! There is! I, Dr.”
  - “Barney Stinson, for a limited time only, can give you a free breast-reduction consultation.”
  - “If your giant breasts have been wronged, I can handle them it.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “She's such a bitch, right? When a man loves a woman Can't keep his mind on nothin' else He's so dreamy.”
  - “If your knockers are just too damn big, I can handle them it.”
  - “(chuckles fondly) What the hell's that? I was able to secure the customer database from a company that sells body glitter and high-end pasties.”
  - “Damn it! Hey.”
  - “Lily, if you don't push, I will shove this baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth! (screams) Where the hell is Marshall?! NARRATOR: That's a crazy story, kids.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “(sobbing) So, you're drunk under a desk, binge-eating stolen chocolates.”
  - “The wine looks good.”
  - “No, my doctor says it's okay to have a sip of wine every now and then.”
  - “How about I put on a smokin' hot dress, you slap a vest over that crime scene of a tie and we paint the town? I mean, when was the last time we got rip-roaring drunk in clothing that highlights our genders?”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “And that's assuming the mother of my children is just a huge slut.”
  - “That slut is out there.”

## S7 E5 — 5. Field Trip
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0705.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Marshall witnesses his boss's soft approach in settling with a million dollar company, he takes matters into his own hands. Meanwhile, Ted takes his architecture class on a field trip and things don't go as planned.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Would you rather have sex with a dead human being or a live an? Dude.”
  - “Studies show that 83% of all college students desperately need sex lessons! Lights! Barney, these are Ted, these are 18-year-olds! You have a girlfriend.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Nobody takes an Intro class to get on any other path but the path to not being hungover anymore.”
  - “We won! Champagne and cake for everybody! They're celebrating.”

## S7 E6 — 6. Mystery vs. History
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0706.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted goes on a date without researching the girl on the Internet, the gang interferes, showing Kevin that they are too into each other's business. Meanwhile, Lily and Marshall come to terms with finding out the sex of their baby.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I can actually hear the sound of her vagina being boarded up.”
  - “You might want to see this, Ted-- naked pictures.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “What's going on? I'm a prostitute.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Mmm Guess what smooth son of a bitch just picked up a girl at the bar? Barney, you're cheating on Nora already? No, guys, it's me.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “Well, wait, wh-what am I supposed to eat? Hey, you've got a knife, the forest is full of animals-- what do you want, a buffet?”
  - “Because we like mystery, whether it's the hairy majesty of Bigfoot, or the bloodsucking ferocity of the Chupacabra, or the gender of our little miracle.”
  - “Why-Why would I find you intimidating, okay? It's not like I donated a kidney, but I donated blood once, although I wound up fainting, and they had to put it all back in.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “Mmm Guess what smooth son of a bitch just picked up a girl at the bar? Barney, you're cheating on Nora already? No, guys, it's me.”
  - “The bitch is hiding something.”
  - “Hell, the Green Bay Packers have been proving that for years.”
  - “Come on, if you don't know the gender, you're gonna get generic crap at the baby shower.”
  - “What the hell was that, Kevin? We're all crazy just because I'm looking up some stuff on the Internet, and Barney wants to know the baby's gender? Well, to be honest, I noticed some other disturbing Never mind.”
  - “You? I'm sitting here thinking, "Damn it, I wish I had something That's gold.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “She's wanted in Florida on crystal meth charges.”
  - “(sighs) You don't buy beer, you rent it.”

## S7 E7 — 7. Noretta
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0707.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: The gang begins to realize their romantic partner reminds them of one of their parents. Meanwhile, Barney and Nora's planned romantic evening is ruined by a string of bad events.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “You're finally going to Bootytown? Look, we just don't want to rush anything, okay? So we decided to wait until she decides to let me have sex with her.”
  - “But now he's gonna sleep with ours? Psychologically speaking, it's perfectly normal to wind up with someone like your parents.”
  - “And tonight, I'm gonna have sex with it.”
  - “And somehow, despite sweet talk like that, I don't feel sexy anymore.”
  - “(gasps) I mean, you're even more sexy simply because there's so much more of you.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'll-I'll draw you a bath, pour you some champagne, we can forget all about this.”
  - “I'll have a glass of champagne, sweet pea.”

## S7 E8 — 8. The Slutty Pumpkin Returns
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0708.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 1/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Ted finally meets his mystery girl in the Slutty Pumpkin costume. Meanwhile, Barney learns he is part Canadian, and Lily has pregnancy brain.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I have to break up with her, don't I? All: Yes! After you sleep with her, yes! Marshall, I've been thinking about what you said.”
  - “Have you? (gasps) You had sex with someone you have zero feelings for! U-S-A! U-S Stop it.”
  - “Where do you look during sex? Um, into the hidden camera at future me watching it.”
  - “How does saying "I want to break up with you" lead into sex? I didn't say "I want to break up with you," exactly.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Her brain is marinating in a cocktail of hormones, mood swings and jacked-up nesting instincts.”
  - “If you let her move to the suburbs, it would be like taking advantage of a helpless drunk chick.”
  - “What is this? Canadian whiskey.”
  - “It's wrong to bang a drunk chick.”

## S7 E9 — 9. Disaster Averted
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0709.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 1/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: The gang reminisces about what happened during Hurricane Irene and Barney tries desperately to get out of wearing the ducky tie.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Prepared to spend lunch in his locker? Prepared to die a virgin?”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “What? Lily, no! Shotgun! You're staying.”
  - “And a Boy Scout is always what? Unpopular? Beaten up? Going to the movies with his mom? A Boy Scout is always prepared.”
  - “So far, Marshall had slapped Barney four times.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Drinking beer in front of Barney's giant TV beats sitting in the car listening to Memoires of a Geisha.”

## S7 E10 — Tick Tick Tick...
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0710.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Barney and Robin find themselves in an uncomfortable situation when they hide a secret from their significant others. Meanwhile, Marshall, Lily and Ted attend a concert.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Excuse me, I should really try to have sex with that new intern.”
  - “Don't forget your mystery gift bags! They're condoms.”
- Affairs / cheating — 2 moment(s)
  - “Hey, now, you weren't at the top of your game, but it was still pretty Oh, my God! I just cheated on Kevin.”
  - “I just cheated on Nora.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, there were some real bitches there.”
  - “We just went all the way around again! Where the hell are these nachos?! Who cares about nachos? Oh, I love nachos, man! You gotta relax, man.”
  - “Now, where the hell is that coffee, eh? (chuckles) Look, Nora, there's something I have to tell you.”
  - “It's all going by so damn fast.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “You want real record-breaking heat? Try Kristoff's Jalapeño Coconut Vodka martini.”
  - “I got a tiny spot of wine on my sleeve.”
  - “…amazed by the things you say, entranced by the things you do, and unlike a certain Jalapeño Coconut Vodka martini, you're easy on the eye And if we're together long enough, I hope that one day you see yourself…”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “…scum round the edge of a toilet bowl Flush What the hell is in the place where you should have a soul? Slut You did these two wrong Don't wait too long In fact, you know what?”

## S7 E11 — The Rebound Girl
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0711.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: Ted and Barney discuss making a life-changing decision together, and Robin tries to discourage Marshall and Lily from moving to Long Island.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “I've moved on to weird pregnancy sex dreams.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin, then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin, then Robin chose Kevin over him.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Let's get some champagne.”
  - “You and I are drunk.”

## S7 E12 — Symphony of Illumination
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0712.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin receives bad news, she decides to lie about it to the gang. Meanwhile, Marshall hangs Christmas decorations on the house in the 'burbs with help from his neighbor.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Kevin and I haven't had sex yet.”
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - “Okay, first on the registry: nipple butter.”
  - “As you breast-feed, your nipples stretch out, like, four inches and get all dry and cracked.”
  - “The nipple butter stops the bleeding.”
  - “My four-inch nipples are going to crack and bleed?! Yes, but while the baby is gnawing on your bleeding nips, look what she'll be wearing.”
  - “Looks like nobody told your boobs.”
- Affairs / cheating — 2 moment(s)
  - “He cheated on her.”
  - “Maybe Robin cheated on him.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You have to punch me in the face! Marshall would ask me a ton of questions I don't know the answers to.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “Are you putting up all these Christmas lights? Oh, kid, by the time I'm done, you're gonna be able to see this son of a bitch from outer space.”
  - “I'm union, bitch.”
  - “(laughs) Sucks to be you, Braces.”
  - “ROBIN (gasps): Damn it.”
  - “That thing's cute as crap.”
  - “(sighs) Damn it.”
  - “(sighs) ("Highway to Hell" by AC/DC playing) Yes, it is.”
  - “I'm on the highway to hell On the highway to hell Highway to hell NARRATOR: Kids, your Aunt Robin never became a pole-vaulter, but she did become a famous journalist, a successful businesswoman, a world traveler.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Hey, while I'm at it, can I get you a beer? He wants to bring the old man a beer.”

## S7 E13 — Tailgate
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0713.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After celebrating New Year's Eve, Marshall visits his father's graveside to carry on their tradition of tailgating. Meanwhile, Barney and Ted open a bar called "Puzzles," and Robin is forced to fill in for an inebriated news anchor.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “You know, since we'll here, and we're all horny I don't know what went wrong.”
  - “Mine was going to be "make a sex tape," so two birds.”
  - “Uh, yeah, dude, I don't know where you got a velvet rope, but you can't use my room for anonymous sex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “(blows note on horn) You must be from the escort service.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “I think the most appropriate way to honor your memory today is to get blasted and watch the Vikings make the Bears their furry little bitches.”
  - “(crowd cheering) So, as the countdown to 212 continues, a quick warning, America: Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch who will stomp on your heart.”
  - ALL: “Boo! Poodles sucks! MARSHALL: And that's when the night turned to absolute crap.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “MacLaren's is a rip-off! (scoffs) You'd all be better off coming upstairs to my place for a beer.”
  - “A bar where we get chicks drunk and bang them.”
  - “You listen to people's problems, pretend to care, but you can drink openly, instead of having to hide your booze in a coffee mug.”
  - “Puzzles is a place where people go To feel like they belong Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls No, we're not.”
  - “That's why today was so important because I just I needed to Did you just open a beer on my father's headstone? Actually, it's a hard cider.”

## S7 E14 — 46 Minutes
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0714.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: Lily and Marshall officially move to the suburbs and realize that Lily's bossy father refuses to move out of their house. Meanwhile, the gang adjusts to them moving by going to a strip club.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Mickey, since you got here, you've been nothing but judgmental and pushy and strangely obsessed with your adolescent sex life.”
  - “…and you find out Marshall's dead, and you're there for Lily emotionally at first, but then it becomes sexual, and you feel guilty, but maybe that guilt just makes it dirtier and better No, I won't let that happen.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “She's just like old, less-good Lily, but instead of bossing us around, she shows us her boobs.”
  - “You want to touch my girlfriend's boobs? Wait-- Better Lily is dating this behemoth? Sound like anyone you know? That's New Marshall.”
  - “Hey! Got a little boob glitter on your eyebrow, Mac Daddy.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 8 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Remember that amazing idea I had that one time? Let's go to a strip club.”
  - “Let's go to a strip club! TED: Well I'm going to miss them anywhere.”
  - “Hell, yeah! Yeah! I'm buying my man a lap dance, 'cause that's just how I do! Party like a rock star! (trailing off): Party like a rock star TED: Uh, hey, guys.”
  - “Now, put this fiver in your mouth so that stripper with the lazy eye can vacuum it up with Barney! Wh-what? I'm allowed to miss them, okay? They're my two best friends.”
  - ANNOUNCER: “Gentlemen, say hello to J-J-J-Jasmine! (Barney guffawing) Remember her? NARRATOR: So, a while back, we discovered the most amazing thing: Lily had a doppelganger who was a Russian stripper.”
  - “Barney, I don't need a lap dance.”
  - NARRATOR: “…get impaled Lites Out! MICKEY: Brought to you by Aldrin Games! Well, judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Is that the lunatic that stabbed all those prison guards? We gotta hit that party! (quietly): I'll never find love.”
  - “We built Chip City Uh, uh! We built Chip City on all your dough Built Chip City Hit it! (high-pitched whine) You know Butterfly-knife.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Look, I know I've been a little drunk and naive tonight, but here's what's gonna happen.”

## S7 E15 — The Burning Beekeeper
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0715.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 5/5, language 3/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: Lily and Marshall throw a housewarming party, where Ted nearly comes to blows with Marshall's boss, and Barney hits on a crazy divorcee.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Why does that make it impressive? You know what else you can find on the Internet? Zoo animals masturbating.”
  - “I think we need to have sex right now.”
  - “(gasps) So, whatever you do, don't sleep with her.”
  - “Who wears that much makeup?! Old ladies! Who take money for sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I love my penis, Robin.”
  - “Oh, come on, Robin, it's my penis we're talking about.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Barney, that woman you were talking to, our neighbor Geraldine, some guy slept with her and didn't call her, so she hunted him down and cut off a certain part of his anatomy with a cheese knife.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Come on, lay some of that classic Scherbatsky mean son of a bitch on me.”
  - “But, hey, what's going on with Robin? I called her a mean son of a bitch and she took it all weird.”
  - “(Mickey screaming) What the hell was that?! (screaming) NARRATOR: So that's what happened in the living room.”
  - “(man screaming) What the hell was that?! (man screaming) NARRATOR: And that's what happened in the dining room.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 6 moment(s)
  - “Marshall's been working very long hours lately, so I have been planning this whole party by myself, and everything's in place: the food, the wine.”
  - “(chuckles) I've had a few cocktails.”
  - “You just relax and keep knocking back those cocktails.”
  - “I'll, uh, I'll bring out the Gouda, we'll open a couple bottles of wine that are in the basement.”
  - “Have a beer, find a hobby.”
  - “Eat your heart out, Gail! (laughs) God, I feel so alive! I want to drink a beer.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “You called her a whore.”

## S7 E16 — The Drunk Train
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0716.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: For Valentine's Day, Lily and Marshall invite Robin and Kevin on a weekend getaway to Vermont, where Kevin and Robin discussing taking their relationship to the next level. Meanwhile, Barney realizes he has finally met his match.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - LILY: “Just a bunch of drunk, sloppy idiots, fresh off a night of partying in the city, just desperate to hook up with anything that moves.”
  - “We don't need a play! All we have to do is sit back, play it cool, scope out the hotties, and by the end of the line, we will totally be sleeping with someone.”
  - “I'd hate to ruin this friendship with sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 8 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Wow! You have Enormous Penis Syndrome? I've never heard of that.”
  - “Are you really okay with that? Enormous Penis Syndrome? E.”
  - “Most people just stare at me like I'm some kind of freak in reinforced underwear.”
  - “I can't imagine what you're going through because I never wear underwear.”
  - “What are you doing? The top speed of the Drunk Train is 73 miles per hour, and you factor in an aggregate of 32 boobs per car, and you divide that No, no, no!”
  - “You're on my bra.”
  - “See, I feel like I would remember you two being naked on your couch in the middle of the club.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “But you end most nights alone at a strip club, feeling empty inside, telling yourself your life is somehow epic or classic or legendary.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Any later, and we'll be riding the Drunk Train.”
  - “The Drunk Train? It's the last train of the night back to Long Island.”
  - “How do I usually say it? I hate this Quinn girl! Well, I propose we order a bottle of wine.”
  - “"Get drunk"" Yeah.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “It's-it's The Little Engine with Wood, The Whore-ient Express.”

## S7 E17 — No Pressure
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0717.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin breaks up with Kevin, Ted confesses his feelings to her. Meanwhile, Barney is on a mission to find something private of Marshall and Lily's.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “How he and Robin hooked up.”
  - “Now let's watch our two best friends have sex on tape.”
  - “I know you think we have a sex tape hidden somewhere, so I'll save you the trouble.”
  - “(garbled voice) We have a sex tape hidden somewhere.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Oh, God, Lily's not wearing a bra! Shh! Bye, baby.”
  - “My boobs are perky and plump.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “I'm going skiing, bitches! (loud crashing) He's gonna break his leg.”
  - “TED (to self): What the hell was that? Okay, I can fix this.”
  - “What?! No! Damn it, Lily, why are you rooting against me? I'm not rooting against you.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “(gasps) (both scream) Why are you in our bed? I took the drunk train and got stuck out here.”
  - “Oh, God, I am so hungover.”

## S7 E18 — Karma
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0718.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Barney tries to pursue Quinn, even after learning she is a stripper. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily introduce Robin to life in the suburbs and Ted tries to figure out what to do with Robin's old room.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “So, mind-blowing sex? Mind-blowing sex! For an hour afterwards, I couldn't uncross my eyes.”
  - “(chuckles) And funny and sexy.”
  - “Well, um, what can I tell you? I'm, um charming and funny and sexy and exciting and smart.”
  - “I have told women I was famous, a war hero, that sex with me would cure their nearsightedness.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Oh! (knocking) What am I gonna do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again, but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.”
  - “It's not a date, if you go into a strip club and paying for lap dances.”
  - “And I begin to fear I may like it! I can't believe we're at a strip club, and the biggest boob in here is you.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “For example, both of our jobs are largely financed by drunk Asian businessmen.”
  - “Ugh! Hey! Brainstorm! What if we just have our date here, maybe in the Champagne Room? That was our spot.”
  - “He's looking at me like, "Karma, why aren't you booking more time in the Champagne Room?" Well, we'll show him.”

## S7 E19 — The Broath
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0719.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 3/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: The gang tries to break up Barney and Quinn after learning they plan on moving in together, leaving Robin and Ted to fight over who deserves to sublet her apartment.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Well, apparently, the sex is mind-blowing.”
  - LILY: “Marshall, you can't tell sex stories about "this chick," because everyone knows it's me.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “I was once with this chick who answered the door wearing nothing but, uh, whipped cream, a dog collar and a hot pink thong.”
  - “The tissues in her bra saved me two broken wrists.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “You see, Quinn was a stripper who had swindled Barney out of quite a bit of cash.”
  - “Yeah, yeah, yeah "I, Ted "Why Did I Ever Tell You My Middle Name" Mosby" solemnly swear not to tell our friends that Quinn is a stripper.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “She get's pregnant; bitch is even hornier.”
  - “I'll keep saying stuff like: Is it okay if I put out the hummus, bunny face? QUINN: And I'll be the bossy bitch who says: No, save it for dessert, idiot.”
  - It's 10: “00, damn it.”
  - “Damn it, Patrice, stop smothering me!”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “(all laughing) (snaps fingers) (chuckles) Uh, ah More red wine, beauty-swan? She drinks a lot.”
  - “" (chuckles) So, unrelated, how's the search for a sub-letter going? This is such a weird coincidence! Robin also "just happened" to be in the neighborhood with a bottle of wine and her credit scores.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “Okay, so anyway, last August, I go bareback with this same slut.”
  - “Don't say that whore's name in front of our baby.”

## S7 E20 — Trilogy Time
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0720.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Ted, Marshall and Barney embark on another "trilogy time," where they get together every three years to watch the "Star Wars" trilogy and envision what their lives will be like in another three years. Meanwhile Barney and Quinn move in together.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Oh, baby, how do you feel after spending all day working on your art, since I make enough to support us both financially? Horny.”
  - “Guys, you remember my awesome girlfriend who was a virgin until we met? Mm-hmm.”
  - “Anyway, while it's just us guys, let me ask you something: we've all had that same fantasy about having sex with a girl in a stormtrooper costume, right? - Mmm, no.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - “Back boobs-- the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy-style.”
  - “There's a, uh naked lady, uh jumping up and down on a mini-trampoline in the apartment across the, uh street.”
  - “Whassup, bra? It turns out it was just you I didn't want to commit to.”
  - “(laughter) Oh, and I got back boobs.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You're saying that Barney Stinson is at a decoupage class? That means we can watch Star Wars on his giant TV! Punch it, Chewy! (panting, moaning) Oh.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Whassaaaa! Okay, seriously, at least tell me you're gonna change the what will by then be nine-year-old beer commercial reference.”
  - “Do you think instead of making a beer fly out of the fridge, I made that lamp break? Either that or the stormtrooper did.”

## S7 E21 — Now We're Even
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0721.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 2/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: Just as Ted starts to settle into his new apartment alone, Barney tries to entice him into going out every single night. Meanwhile, Lily has a naughty dream about someone other then Marshall, and Robin finally becomes a famous news anchor.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Man, this kid better be real freakin' cute! What was that all about? Lily had a sex dream last night.”
  - “Sex dream? Do tell.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - But then it hit me: “for the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate! If I want to walk around naked, nobody cares.”
  - “No, I demolished a box of Froot Loops, fully nude.”
  - “Later that night, I took off my pantyhose, and gave her panties my hose.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 3 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “What's the best thing about dating a stripper, you ask? Nope.”
  - “I'll tell you the best thing about dating a stripper.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “Because let's be honest, sitting around watching TV, drinking beer and eating ribs alone is what every red-blooded American would rather be doing at all times.”
  - “I'll grant you that if you include the 12 points for designing the skyscraper, the 83 points for slapping five with Tommy Lee and the 9,000 points for banging Robin before me, our point totals would be about…”
  - “Last year, I slapped on a dress, took a few laps around this very bar, and I got this: the phone number of one Stephanie McColgan.”

## S7 E22 — Good Crazy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0722.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 3/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall have a baby shower, Marshall starts to panic after realizing the baby is coming soon. Meanwhile, Ted and Robin come to terms with their relationship and Barney takes Marshall on a road trip.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing 39? I mean, I'm not seeing anyone.”
  - “" Kiss and make up? Have sex up against the window and make up? - You do have a great view.”
  - “Now, about that up-against-the-window sex Dude, I don't want to work for a bank.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “Oh, is it? Is it a lot, Grandma Lois? Yes, my girlfriend gets naked and sits on guys' laps for money.”
  - “…high-risk negatives, guaranteeing a success rate of 83 You picked the girls that showed the most boob.”
  - “He's reading every book, watching breast-feeding documentaries.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Uh, so how was the shower? It was good, although there was one weird moment with Barney's new stripper girlfriend.”
  - “And maybe society considers what she does to be "disgusting," or "slutty," or verging on "prostitution," or actual "prostitution.”
  - “Lois, can I top off your champagne? You know, it's funny, you tell the average guy you're dating a stripper, he thinks it's awesome.”
  - “You work in a strip club.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Wayne manners Wayne Manor, home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman, mentor to Dick Grayson, his orphan ward who at night would don the colorful vestments of the Boy Wonder, aka Robin.”
  - “Had some girl trouble earlier in the week, but, uh, I got a feeling from here on out, things are gonna be A O-Oh, you son of a bitch.”
  - “Sure, it was the best night's sleep I had had in months, but still You know what his latest thing is? What the hell is that? Marshall, what is that? I rigged this alarm to go off every three hours.”
  - “What the hell is going on? And where is Lily? And what did you do to the practice baby? And is there any left? Lily was worried about you.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “You'll have to buy me a couple of cocktails first.”
  - “you give me one hour of phone-free bro time, during which we, and by we I mean you, get magnificently, mythologically drunk.”
  - “when-you-speak drunk.”
  - “Um, when you get a chance, could you bring over a hundred shots of tequila, please? I'll have the same.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “You people are whores.”

## S7 E23 — The Magician's Code (1)
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0723.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: While Marshall is in Atlantic City with Barney, Lily goes into labor, leaving him desperate to make it back to New York before the baby is born. Meanwhile, Ted and Robin try to distract Lily during her painful contractions.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “You can't have sex with Lily.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “Was it a cheerleading convention? No, it was a porn convention.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “1 Kids, when Aunt Lily went into labor, Marshall was somewhere slightly inconvenient, in Atlantic City with Uncle Barney, and drunk to the point of talking like Yoda.”
  - “But he still considers getting up these two steps when he was this drunk to be the hardest one of all.”

## S7 E24 — The Magician's Code (2)
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0724.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: On Barney's future wedding day, when his wife is finally revealed, the gang reminisces about the time they encouraged Ted to follow his heart and go after the one that got away.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I decided the place was a bit too "American Psycho" for me, so while you were gone, I hired a decorator and I asked him, "What would the inside of Tinkerbell's vagina look like?" And the kid just ran with it!”
  - “Sir! May I please have the silk handkerchief in your top left breast pocket? Well I don't have (chuckles) (clears throat) Sim salabi ma sim salabi ma (gasps) Relax, relax, it's part of the trick.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - SON: “Was it a cheerleading convention? NARRATOR: No, it was a porn convention.”
  - “What the hell am I coming home to? Let's have an eight-way with my six hottest stripper friends.”
  - “Sir, I'll tell you her occupation: stripper.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Flanagan's wife shot him before he could ever tell me what the trick was.”
  - “Always good to tell a long story while people are aiming guns at you.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “Gun it, bitches! (engine revs) NARRATOR: That girl's a mom! (engine revving) (phone chimes) Okay, so I met this girl on the train, and I texted her, "What's up"" She texted, "Hey," exclamation point.”
  - “Dad, wait, no, not Damn it, Ted.”
  - “Lily! If you don't push, I will shove that baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth! (screaming) Where the hell is Marshall?!”
  - “You scared the crap out of me.”
  - “How the hell did we get there? I love the name Marvin.”
  - “Because as your friend, I have to tell you: You're full of crap! You say you want a family, you say you want to meet "The One," but you are always chasing the wrong women.”
  - “Canada sucks.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “1 NARRATOR: Kids, when Aunt Lily went into labor, Marshall was somewhere slightly inconvenient, in Atlantic City with Uncle Barney, and drunk to the point of talking like Yoda.”
  - “But he still considers getting up these two steps when he was this drunk to be the hardest one of all.”
  - “Four shots of tequila.”

## S8 E1 — 1. Farhampton
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0801.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Robin's anxiety on her wedding day to Barney prompts Ted to recount the time he insisted on leaving Victoria's jilted fiancé a note before they drove off into the sunset together.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “We're totally not gonna go have sex in the kitchen, if that's what you're thinking.”
  - “You read it, you re-read it, you memorize it, you sleep with it, you sniff it because it still kind of smells like her, and then, finally you let it go tied to a…”
  - “…got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning that as much as possible, I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up Robin and I started…”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “…Ted?" They went to dinner, he walked her home, shoulda kissed her, didn't-- lame-- so he stole a smurf penis, went back to her place, should've kissed her, didn't-- lame.”
  - “I already took off your bra.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “I mean, I have work friends, but I worked at a strip club and I know they'll just complain about any bridesmaid's dress that has a front, so Would you guys be my bridesmaids? I'd be honored.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora, cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora, Robin dated Kevin, but not for long, and then I met you and you took my…”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “She rolls with the punches.”
- Swearing — 1 moment(s)
  - “And Robin, well Ah, got it! Man, that sum'bitch had been in there since breakfast! I think there's some in the fridge.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Oh! Hey, are you guys sure you can handle champagne? You haven't slept in like a week.”
  - “Barney's engaged?! Heck, this calls for some champagne.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “…Robin, Ted and Robin broke up, Robin moved to Brazil, came back with a Latin stud, Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning that as much as possible, I hooked up with…”

## S8 E2 — 2. The Pre-Nup
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0802.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney designs an extensive pre-nup, the guys take note and propose their own relationship amendments to their significant others. Meanwhile, Quinn is outraged and draws up a pre-nup of her own, which causes friction between the sexes.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “"Miss Garvey must invent 12 new sexual positions per year, "at least ten of which involve her doing all or most of the work.”
  - ROBIN: “I get turned on watching myself do the news during sex.”
  - “Look, seeing myself on TV makes me feel confident and sexy.”
  - “I find you so sexy, it just hurt that you don't feel the same about me.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “I seriously think one was coming from my vagina.”
  - “"Miss Garvey's breasts must be enhanced every five years or 50,000 honka-honkas, whichever comes first.”
  - “And, sidebar: why do men think women like to be honka-honka'd? What woman wants her breasts squeezed like a seal horn? Um totally.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Ready for your wake-up lap dance, Master? Aren't you forgetting something? (gasps) Oh, my God, it's 9:00 a.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “How about a provision barring any nudist German ex-fiancés from slapping his strudel up and down your sofa?”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “What are you bitches doing here? Lily.”
  - “My God! What the hell does Barney think marriage is going to be like, anyway? Just a healthy, modern-day marriage, based on mutual respect between two equals.”
  - “Hey, hey Hey, guys, what's up? Oh, Quinn's pissed because Barney wants her to sign a crazy prenup.”
  - “Hell, I don't care if it's crazy, I-I'm doing it.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “If I could just take a quick whore's bath in your kitchen sink, then I will skedaddle.”

## S8 E3 — 3. Nannies
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0803.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall have trouble finding a nanny, they learn it's because of an elaborate scheme Barney came up with to meet girls. Meanwhile, Robin and Ted butt heads over who has a more serious relationship.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “And in the end, the coroner's report confirmed what I already feared: the female body cannot withstand that many consecutive orgasms.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “I had no idea "naked man runs back into inferno to rescue potato salad" was Mickey.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “You've got an air rifle, you got the exact race track with the double loopty-loop I had as a kid! Oh, can I open it, can I open it, can I open it? What about Baby Edgar's mom? Oh, that's a sad story.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Well, she was a total bitch.”
  - “Damn it! The next day, Lily and Marshall's nanny search hit pay dirt.”
  - “Damn it! Bangtoberfest is a flop! I can't think of an innovative way to bang chicks that properly honors my return to the game.”
  - “Really? It's a nice gesture, but I'm still pissed.”

## S8 E4 — 4. Who Wants to Be a Godparent?
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0804.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Lily and Marshall can't decide on godparents for Marvin, they put the gang to the test to see who would make the best one.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “…themselves in the ladies' ova! Break it down! (beatboxing) I'm sorry, don't you need to actually have had sex in order to explain it?”
  - “Oh, come on, if Ted raises him, the poor kid's still gonna be a virgin when he's 13.”
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “How may I direct my penis? TED: Oh, geez.”
  - “If you want him to be raised by his underwear on a flagpole, Ted's your guy.”
  - “If you want him pulling the chord on some other nerd's panties, (clicks tongue) I'm your guy.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “But not that bitch's window.”
  - “I packed up all my crap; I said, "See ya" to Sarah and the kids; and I finally got my dream job as a mixologist down here at Carnalism 2.”
  - “Hey, look, as the only one of us packing a vag, I got a natural instinct for nurturing and crap like that.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “…With a hot chick here and a dumb chick there Huh? Huh? Bro, bro, bro your broat Gently to the bar Hit on sluts, then do ten shots and Huh?”

## S8 E5 — 5. The Autumn of Break-Ups
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0805.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: As the season of break-ups continues, Ted and Victoria must choose the next step in their long and complicated relationship. Meanwhile, Robin worries about Barney when he chooses a dog to be his wingman.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “All right, we-we're cosigning birthday cards, w-we got toothbrushes at each other's places, foreplay's out the window.”
  - “He just wants to have sex.”
  - “Loves show tunes, total shopaholic, not always pestering you for sex? Um, Clifford sounds like a keeper.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ted's more of a boob man.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “And you think girlfriend's all like, "Oh, let's just bone a bunch so I'm another year older and still single"? Bitch, please.”
  - “The bitches love him.”
  - “You've been a hell of a wingman.”

## S8 E6 — 6. Splitsville
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0806.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin is hesitant to break up with Nick, Barney takes matters into his own hands. Meanwhile, Lily and Marshall are desperate for some private time.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 6 moment(s)
  - “Why? Who can say? Nick and I haven't had sex in three days.”
  - “Nick won't have sex because he pulled his groin muscle, all 'cause you made him join your stupid basketball team.”
  - “You can't go a couple weeks without sex? Our point guard's a 52-year-old virgin, happy as a clam.”
  - “Why would you do that? Delete that right now! No! If I don't give you a little push, you'll let this drag on until Nick can have sex again, and then you'll be right back to procrastinating on all fours.”
  - “The problem is, now that we're not having sex, we're talking more, and I'm realizing that Nick is kind of dumb.”
  - “You want to start turning off the lights during sex? No.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “…this seriously was when Lily had mono freshman year and I caught you doing one-armed push-ups with your genitals over a bowl of ice.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “And then that Danish slut Nadia bursts in You can't wait.”

## S8 E7 — 7. The Stamp Tramp
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0807.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Marshall recommends his old law school classmate Brad for a job at his firm, but the interview goes awry, leaving Marshall to do damage control with his boss. Meanwhile, Robin helps negotiate Barney's return to the strip club circuit.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “But Barney Stinson has to do what's right for Barney Stinson's penis.”
  - “(bell dings) I'm even wearing this bra because of a lingerie store Lily told me about.”
  - “Sticky's even sent me a boob-shaped hand-sanitizer dispenser.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 6 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Since Quinn and I broke up, she's gone back to dancing at The Lusty Leopard, and it's just really tough because 'Cause you have to find a new strip club?”
  - “Stinson, we might not have the best strippers at Moneyballs, but we use sabermetrics to get you a stripper with a five body, sure, and another with a…”
  - “Especially from that strip club, Fur Coats.”
  - “They bribed you! Why else would you pick a place where the strippers say they're trying to put their grandkids through college?! Please leave! Barney, I can explain, okay? Please leave.”
  - “Hey, look, wherever you end up, can I have the dubious honor of buying you your first lap dance? It's a date.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Aren't they out of the running? Yeah, but those old bitches don't need to know that.”
  - “It's-It's what I love about you, but it's also why your stamps are total crap.”
  - “How about when you turned your boss into a fountain of bodily fluids? You guys like it? I'll be waiting for you in hell, Eriksen.”
  - “Damn it! So? Bottom line, Vito: a lot of strip clubs are into my client.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “(bell dings) I'm drinking this beer because she recommended it.”
  - “They're sending me T-shirts, beer cozies.”
- Slut-shaming — 3 moment(s)
  - “Why shouldn't I give him the old Marshall Eriksen Stamp of Approval? Marshall, you're a stamp tramp.”
  - “Stamp tramp.”
  - “Oh (voice breaks): I have nothing but the utmost respect for you skanks.”

## S8 E8 — 8. Twelve Horny Women
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0808.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Marshall takes on his old friend/new nemesis Brad in the biggest case of his career. Meanwhile, the gang reminisces about their own run-ins with the law, leading to a debate over who was the biggest delinquent as a teenager.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “That guy wasn't masturbating.”
  - “I mean, I've heard of Twelve Angry Men, but this was more like Twelve Horny Women.”
  - “And for the older birds, who maybe don't perform as well in the bedroom as they used to, could actually be having healthier sex lives? In my expert opinion yes? Yes.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “I'm gonna get us two drinks, come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar, with the big, dark nipples.”
  - “You want to talk about teenage badasses? I was like John Gotti in a training bra.”
  - “How aboot, uh, I lower the TV, too, yeah? (grunts) (screeches) (cheering) Three hours later, I was arrested drunk, naked, and driving a Zamboni.”
- Swearing — 2 moment(s)
  - “Scooter, do you smell bacon? (laughs sinisterly) Laugh, bitch.”
  - “…be grossed out, but you're gonna laugh a little anyway, and then you'll tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work, but neither one of us are gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!"…”

## S8 E9 — 9. Lobster Crawl
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0809.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Robin is determined to get Barney back no matter what it takes. Meanwhile, Ted fills in as Marvin's Nanny, leading Marshall and Lily to realize that Ted is using baby Marvin to replace his other baby - the GNB building.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “Just remember, you can never hook up with Barney again.”
  - “Okay, that's unfortunate, but it doesn't mean you have to hook up with Barney.”
  - “Wait, you didn't sleep with her? Nope.”
  - “Dressing a dog up like me, hooking up with all those nannies Brobibs? No, those are solid.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “I know! I think I just saw a guy with breasts outside.”
  - “If you ever want to see these boobs again, crawl, you son of a me.”
  - “What? You're half naked, you're not a parent to any of these children-- don't offer 'em candy.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “I poured my blood, sweat and tears into that building.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you, bitch? Um, billion-dollar idea alert.”
  - “I'm sorry I called you a bitch.”
  - “Bitchbibs! You know Barney's gonna sue us, but damn it, let's just go for it.”
  - “I'm meeting with a headhunter next week to line up my next project, but until then, what the hell?”
  - “(blowing) Oh, my Damn it, guys, we lost him.”
  - “(chuckles) Who the hell is that? Hey, guys.”
  - “Damn it! What did I do wrong? Nothing.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “You looked like you were gonna chase Barney down with a sixer of watermelon wine coolers.”

## S8 E10 — The Over-Correction
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0810.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Robin becomes increasingly suspicious of Barney's relationship with Patrice. Meanwhile, Marshall discovers his mother is moving on in her romantic life... with a very disturbing partner.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “Um, Robin, after you rejected Barney, didn't he reject you? And didn't you go over to his place and try to sleep with him in your purple-and- black underwear?”
  - “What do you mean? Well, he has a book of plays he uses to trick women into sleeping with him.”
  - “These are all the tricks I used to get women to sleep with me.”
  - “You helped?! Why? I know it's hard to think of your mom as a woman with needs, but you have to let her get out there and rediscover her sexuality with someone special.”
  - “Who said anything about dating? This is just about sex.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “How dare you?! What is that?! Barney was engaged to Quinn, a stripper he never really trusted.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “" Can I help you? I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but my wife is having an affair with your husband.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “Hang up, you little bitch! Over-correction.”
  - NARRATOR: “Meanwhile, Robin was about to give up on ever finding The Playbook until (beeps, hisses) (choir singing) Ugh, the Bro Code, damn it.”
  - “(beeps, hisses) (sighs) (hissing) (choir singing) David Lee Roth's autobiography? Crap.”
  - “(cell phone buzzes) (knocking at door) Damn it, Ted! You get those ornaments all year.”

## S8 E11 — The Final Page (1)
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0811.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: With Christmas fast approaching, Barney tells Ted that he plans on proposing to Patrice, which leads Ted to debate whether or not to tell Robin.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “It just means that you're horny and you're easy.”
  - “I've had several of the same sexual partners as Henry Kissinger.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Put on edible underwear.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Choose the completely wrong moment to make a drunken move after hanging out at a strip club and get shot down on purpose.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Now, as we speak my wife is in a hotel room cheating on me with herself.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “And before you murder us, you should know that we have a child.”
  - “What? M-Murder? I I wanted to give you a check.”
  - “I am so excited I could just cry and laugh and scream and just punch the wall over and over and over and over and over!”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “You can do that by yourself? Pilates, bitch.”
  - “Twenty-four hours straight without that little bastard.”
  - “Enough with the damn music! Take it, Mommy.”
  - “Damn it, Patrice! That's my favorite spot in the city! Whoa.”
  - “So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself I say to you from the heart get the hell out of this car.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Lily, are you drunk? What? I I'm on vacation.”

## S8 E12 — The Final Page (2)
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0812.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Marshall and Lily run into an acquaintance from college
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “It just means that you're horny and you're easy.”
  - “I've had several of the same sexual partners as Henry Kissinger.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Put on edible underwear.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Choose the completely wrong moment to make a drunken move after hanging out at a strip club and get shot down on purpose.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Now, as we speak my wife is in a hotel room cheating on me with herself.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “And before you murder us, you should know that we have a child.”
  - “What? M-Murder? I I wanted to give you a check.”
  - “I am so excited I could just cry and laugh and scream and just punch the wall over and over and over and over and over!”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “You can do that by yourself? Pilates, bitch.”
  - “Twenty-four hours straight without that little bastard.”
  - “Enough with the damn music! Take it, Mommy.”
  - “Damn it, Patrice! That's my favorite spot in the city! Whoa.”
  - “So as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself I say to you from the heart get the hell out of this car.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Lily, are you drunk? What? I I'm on vacation.”

## S8 E13 — Band or DJ?
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0813.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Robin learns that Barney never asked her father's permission before proposing, she insists that he seek his approval before announcing their engagement. Meanwhile, Ted keeps his feelings concealed by throwing himself into planning their wedding.
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “He always looks like he just came from slapping some guy tied to a chair in a back room.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “Possibly suicidal.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “I will cut you, bitch.”
  - “Are you familiar with memes? There's a cat who says, "I can has cheeseburger"" Okay, what the hell happened to you? Robin, I know in the past, I have been emotionally distant.”
  - “"Meatballs" has to be men's, right? I don't know what the hell "Calamaris" is.”
  - “Move! Let's cut the crap.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “You're gonna stick me with that baby so that you guys can spend five minutes sorting out his love life, followed by an hour of you getting drunk and pretending to be in The Departed.”

## S8 E14 — Ring Up!
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0814.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Barney begs Ted to continue seeing his much younger, much wilder girlfriend, even though Ted has nothing in common with her. Meanwhile, Robin must adjust to the power of the bling.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 11 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, I don't speak virgin either.”
  - “For me! Why do you want me to hook up with this 20-year-old? I thought I disgusted you.”
  - “T-To hook up with a girl, I have to connect with her at least a little.”
  - “It's almost like we were hooking up with her together.”
  - “There are four million women in the city of New York, Ted, and you sleep with my sister? Why would the universe do that to me? I don't know.”
  - “And those aisles are too narrow! BARNEY: But you two have to get married-- otherwise, it's just a cheap, meaningless, disgusting one-night stand.”
  - “So if you think about it-- but not too much-- it's actually good that Carly and I hooked up.”
  - “Old men are so sexy.”
  - “Robin, once you have a child, anything that gets you even remotely close to the possibility of sex is worth a few pus-filled blisters.”
  - “No, but, baby, then all the sex will stop.”
  - “Marshall, you don't need a cuff for me to find you sexy.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “My panties may or may not be on when you get there.”
  - TED: “Wait, did you steal my dream journal? No! Now, get back in there before all your teeth fall out and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “How'd she get beer already? Do you see a ring on that finger? Whoa.”
  - “Are you saying that this invisibility thing means I might not be able to get beer? I was just getting used to the idea of having to pay for coffee and bagels and rent.”
  - “(chuckles) Three beers, please.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “That slut just got here.”

## S8 E15 — P.S. I Love You
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0815.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Barney uncovers the lost episode of Robin's "Underneath the Tunes" as Robin Sparkles. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily are concerned that Ted's new girlfriend is a stalker.
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm bloody good on the pommel 'orse.”
  - “You're not gonna go get beat up by Paul Shaffer now, are you? I can't believe it.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “Then what we're saying is she's a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm and you should run screaming.”
  - “Wait, no, damn it, come back!”
  - “Oh, no - Damn, I always forget the little one.”

## S8 E16 — Bad Crazy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0816.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Ted is reluctant to break up with his crazy girlfriend Jeanette. Meanwhile, Robin becomes attached to Marvin after finally holding him for the first time.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “That's it, isn't it? What? No, I Like I should be surprised with her fancy medical degree and her sexy Southern drawl.”
  - “They just look sexy on everyone.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “What's open near here? You took my infant child to a strip club? It was just topless.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Cray-cray gotta go bye-bye before you get stab-stabbed.”
  - “But then when she starts unbuttoning your pants while you're being forced to drive blindfolded down the freeway with a gun pointed at your I'm sorry, what were we talking about? Jeanette.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “I mean, it's not like Listen, Jeanette, we really need to have a serious talk about our So, did Lily leave these boots here or was it some other bitch? Marshall, Barney, help me! I don't think they're coming.”
  - “Wow, Ted, that sounds Crap, it's really broken now.”
  - “, if this disaster had been a superstorm instead of a hot lunatic, you'd all be begging to eat my freeze-dried protein paste and crap in my biohazard bucket.”
  - “Damn it, Robin.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “She broke your TV with a beer bottle? In her defense, she was aiming for the window.”

## S8 E17 — The Ashtray
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0817.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Ted receives an unexpected call from The Captain, the gang reminisced about their last awkward encounter with him.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Should I give it to him? Is he trying to hook up with my fiancée? No, uh-uh.”
  - “(snorts) The only way that's happening is if I get to hook up with someone, too.”
  - “You have architecture, Marshall has the law, Lily has art, Robin has pleasing me sexually.”
- Violence & injury — 3 moment(s)
  - “A harpoon gun? A double-barreled harpoon gun.”
  - “And then you know what? I'm gonna find Shelly, and I'm gonna punch her in the face.”
  - “I am-- I'm gonna punch a girl and run away.”

## S8 E18 — Weekend at Barney's
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0818.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 5/5, language 3/5, overall 5/5 (Heavy — skip for under 16)
Summary: When Ted and Jeanette break up, Barney tries to help him land a new girl by using the infamous playbook Robin thought he had destroyed. Meanwhile, at a gallery opening where Lily hopes to make a good impression, Marshall ends up unintentionally getting noticed.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “And I found one from a woman with the subject line, "big penis orgasms," so naturally, I smashed your plates, knifed your mattress, peed in your drawers, the whole nine, but…”
  - “And based on that, girls want to sleep with you.”
  - “I mean, no matter how no matter how great the sex was.”
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “Great, and then maybe later I could give you a different package-- my penis.”
  - “My penis, my penis, my penis! Hello.”
  - “Did you just unhook my bra? Shh.”
  - “Wha Did you just unhook my bra again? Jeanette, this is great.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “What happened junior year? Egdud Ferhaki, that outgoing son of a bitch.”
  - “" "Weekend at Barney's Two!" Damn it, Barney! So, there's this big gallery opening tonight.”
  - “What the hell? I can't let you do this, Ted.”
  - “Ow, ow, ow! Damn it! You're strong.”
  - “Call me crazy, but I've got a feeling, from here on out, it's gonna be nothing but blue skies and What the hell is this?! Uh-oh.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Beach, booze and bodacious babes.”
  - “I found two wine glasses you didn't smash.”
  - “Would anyone like some wine? It's a nice Côtes du Rhône.”

## S8 E19 — The Fortress
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0819.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: After Robin asks Barney to sell his bachelor pad so they can build a home together, Barney is reluctant and drives away potential buyers. Meanwhile, Lily's commitment to her job as The Captain's art consultant strains her relationship with Marshall.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “(chuckles) Well, you don't get to be a state-certified orgasmologist without learning how to please a woman.”
  - “You don't mind if I spend the night, do you? Um, how else are we gonna get to know each other on a deeper level? Excuse me, I just have to log tonight's orgasms with the licensing board.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “The point is, I need to buy all new underwear, and you agreed that we would find a new place together.”
  - “Look at Thomas Edison-- why do you think that lightbulbs are boob-shaped? Yeah, we're taking a wrecking ball to this place and turning it into something actually fit for humans.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “And I feel like I'd be cheating on her.”
- Swearing — 2 moment(s)
  - “The Escape From Bitch Mountain by Stinson, patent pending.”
  - “They help me discern genius from pretentious crap.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “I'm willing to go as high as six cartons of cigarettes and a jug of toilet wine.”
  - “I ate a ton of caviar, but it soaked up none of the champagne.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “Not so I could live in a disease-riddled bang pad haunted by the ghosts of your ex-skanks.”

## S8 E20 — The Time Travelers
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0820.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Future versions of Ted and Barney try to convince Ted to go see Robots Versus Wrestlers. Meanwhile, Marshall challenges Robin to a dance-off.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Lily, I know that I have the sexual charisma of a bad boy, but I certainly don't have the manners of one.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Ted, get ready to be surrounded by half-naked, grease-covered bodies.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Look, and if I can't have them, I'll take the 45 seconds before your boyfriend shows up and punches me in the face, because I love you.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “God, you're still clinging to that? Marshall, it doesn't matter, 'cause you'd lose anyway, and you know why? 'Cause I'm Sparkles, bitch.”
  - “And you bastards aren't going anywhere.”
  - “Break a leg (everyone talking at once) (clears throat) What the hell? Do not talk to her.”
  - NARRATOR: “Kids, it's been almost 20 years since that cold April night in 2013, and I can safely tell you, if I could go back in time and relive that night, there's no way in hell I'd go to Robots vs.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “Only the best cocktail ever.”
  - “Five tablespoons of sugar, a whisper of vanilla vodka and you're done.”
  - “If Ted doesn't get wasted, there's no way he'll end up making out with that surprisingly realistic-looking female robot.”
  - “But in this case, yeah, you kind of have to be wasted.”
  - “(all agreeing, overlapping chatter) You drink beers in cans still.”

## S8 E21 — Romeward Bound
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0821.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When The Captain asks Lily to move to Rome for a year to be his art consultant, she fears that Marshall will resent her. Meanwhile, Ted and Barney become obsessed with a girl who is hiding her amazing body under a puffy coat.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Weapons of bra destruction.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Yeah, but he also loves Italy! He took a week of Italian in college, and the only reason he dropped it was 'cause he had a conflict with being not stoned.”

## S8 E22 — The Bro Mitzvah
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0822.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: The gang works together to plan a legendary bachelor party for Barney.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “Did you tell your mother I'm a virgin? What? Why would you think that? Save yourself room for dessert.”
  - “Why would you tell her I'm a virgin? I panicked.”
  - “Good, 'cause my night's been hell! And that's the inverted chimney sweep, the last of the 17 basic sexual positions.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - “We're gonna pound a beer every time we hear the word "catastrophic"" Oh! Could that be the next item on your list? Mind-blowing entertainment, like a naked fire show or a naked magic show.”
  - “Or a naked contortionist! Or a balloon contortionist! Balloons.”
  - “Whoa, whoa! I was promised boobs.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Booze, duh; cigars, duh; strippers, duh Ooh! Things should get so crazy that at some point we should fear for our lives.”
  - “If this is anything like my bachelor party-- strippers, booze, definitely no hand stuff-- wink-wink-- it is gonna be in-- wait for it-- credible.”
  - “You take that back, sir! I am nothing like Ralph Macchio! I mean, did you guys even get a stripper? Bro.”
  - “Of course we got a stripper.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “When we watch Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth! Yeah.”
  - “Shotgun? Man, it's crowded in here.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “Barney is suicidal.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “Oh! Oh! You crazy son of a bitch, you did it! I just lost $80,000.”
  - “What the hell is she doing here? Robin, I swear, nothing happened.”
  - “You want me to pretend my life's gone to crap and I'm back to stripping just screw with my ex-fiancé? I love it! That party will be so terrible, he'll have to leave it.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Four cosmos, pronto! Now she's drunk, holding up a napkin ring and three breadsticks, and talking about her night with Crosby, Stills and Nash.”

## S8 E23 — Something Old
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0823.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Robin is desperate to find her "something old" she buried in Central Park years earlier for the wedding. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily ask for Ted's help packing for Italy, and Barney bonds with Robin, Sr..
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “And yet, my future husband-- who I sometimes fear is troublingly similar to my emotionally unavailable father-- is off shooting laser guns with, oh, yeah, you guessed it: my emotionally unavailable father.”
  - “I mean, in many ways, he's-he's grown up into a mature, caring adult I'm gonna shoot you with your own gun.”
- Swearing — 3 moment(s)
  - “Come on! We sang in the New Year in '02 on this thing, remember? We were Destiny's Child! And since I was Beyonce , I'm pretty sure I get final say here, so Oh, we were not your backup singers, bitch, we were a group.”
  - “Your daughter is not even a fraction as obstinate, stubborn and insane as you are! Where are you, you son of a bitch?! Look away, kids, she's about to pee.”
  - “Okay, why are things that we like getting "Triangled" and crap you like sneaks through? Like what? That old 50-pound karaoke machine.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “A leaky, ten-year-old beanbag chair covered in beer, bong water and fossilized Cool Ranch Dorito fingerprints.”
  - “Ted Italy doesn't need something that is wrinkled, red and leaky, and smells like booze and narcotics.”

## S8 E24 — Something New
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0824.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: As the gang prepares to head out to Robin and Barney's wedding, Ted invites Lily to see the house he's finally finished fixing up. Meanwhile, Robin and Barney's night of relaxation is ruined by an obnoxious couple, and Marshall takes the baby on a last-minute trip to Minnesota to see his family.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Now that we've broken up a seven-year relationship just 'cause they stole our table, I feel kind of Awesome? I was going to say horny, but yeah, awesome, too.”
- Swearing — 2 moment(s)
  - “You know what we're gonna do? Make those smug, obnoxious sons of bitches pay.”
  - “Robin Scherbatsky, I love you so damn much.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 4 moment(s)
  - “Yes! What? Yes! I will marry you! Even though a ring in a champagne glass is a total cliché and this is a cushion cut.”
  - “The way you chug booze, I'm surprised you even noticed.”
  - “That's when we sit around all hungover, drinking mimosas and talking smack about who looked fat.”
  - “Man, you're fast when you're drunk.”

## S9 E1 — 1. The Locket
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0901.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: On their way to Long Island for their wedding weekend, Robin and Barney come across a startling family discovery. Meanwhile, Marshall sees something online that changes the course of his entire journey back east, and Lily confronts Ted about letting go of Robin.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “The day they got married, they lifted the curse forever, freeing me from the shackles of having sex with lots of different women.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “I just ate a croissant crumb that I found in my bra.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “That appears to be pornography.”
  - “No, the pornography's back.”
  - “What are you talking about? You just found out about James and Tom, and it totally freaked you out, and now you're asking this guy to point you in the direction of the nearest, dirtiest strip club.”
  - “No, Robin, I am not going to a strip club.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “You cheated on him.”
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “Hey, you just finished my Creepy telepathic murder thought.”
  - “And one grisly murder.”
  - “One "best man" plus one "no girlfriend" equals "Mothers of Farhampton, lock up your daughters!" Double guns! Wow, you're in bad shape.”
  - “Are truckers always beating him up? Yes, because he has to hitchhike with his middle finger.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “If I had to be here alone, I would kill myself.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “Here, have another sum bitch.”
  - “It's just gonna piss me off.”
  - “Hell, I've been going to Pilates.”
  - “My sweet, beautiful child who I haven't seen in a week whose head smells like love and unicorn teardrops, and why are trains so lonely?! Damn it, I'm looking! Hey, are you okay? You look stressed.”
  - “And he always makes us stop to see some weird roadside attraction no one except him gives a crap about.”
  - “You know, I don't give a damn about your photo.”
  - “I know I'm just a stranger on a train who you tried to bite, but do you want a hug? Lily! What the hell?! Ted and I had some road trip issues.”
  - “Okay, seriously, what the crap is taking so long with these rooms? It was like this last year.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Let's show your critics you're not just a Dumpster on wheels full of drunk idiots.”
  - “It's not all champagne and frosting.”

## S9 E2 — 2. Coming Back
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0902.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When James reveals that he is getting divorced, Robin worries about how Barney will take the news. Meanwhile, Marshall races to find a way to get to New York in time for the wedding, and Ted deals with being alone at a romantic hotel.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “The day they got married, they lifted the curse forever, freeing me from the shackles of having sex with lots of different women.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “I just ate a croissant crumb that I found in my bra.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 5 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “That appears to be pornography.”
  - “No, the pornography's back.”
  - “What are you talking about? You just found out about James and Tom, and it totally freaked you out, and now you're asking this guy to point you in the direction of the nearest, dirtiest strip club.”
  - “No, Robin, I am not going to a strip club.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “You cheated on him.”
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “Hey, you just finished my Creepy telepathic murder thought.”
  - “And one grisly murder.”
  - “One "best man" plus one "no girlfriend" equals "Mothers of Farhampton, lock up your daughters!" Double guns! Wow, you're in bad shape.”
  - “Are truckers always beating him up? Yes, because he has to hitchhike with his middle finger.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “If I had to be here alone, I would kill myself.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “Here, have another sum bitch.”
  - “It's just gonna piss me off.”
  - “Hell, I've been going to Pilates.”
  - “My sweet, beautiful child who I haven't seen in a week whose head smells like love and unicorn teardrops, and why are trains so lonely?! Damn it, I'm looking! Hey, are you okay? You look stressed.”
  - “And he always makes us stop to see some weird roadside attraction no one except him gives a crap about.”
  - “You know, I don't give a damn about your photo.”
  - “I know I'm just a stranger on a train who you tried to bite, but do you want a hug? Lily! What the hell?! Ted and I had some road trip issues.”
  - “Okay, seriously, what the crap is taking so long with these rooms? It was like this last year.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Let's show your critics you're not just a Dumpster on wheels full of drunk idiots.”
  - “It's not all champagne and frosting.”

## S9 E3 — 3. Last Time in New York
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0903.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Lily discovers Ted's list of things he wants to do in New York before he moves for Chicago, she becomes frustrated that she is the only person who knows about his plans. Meanwhile, Robin and Barney realize they have very little time together before their relatives arrive for their wedding.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 6 moment(s)
  - “Man, when was the last time you think they had sex? Probably not since the Maple Leafs won the cup.”
  - BOTH: “We have to have sex right now.”
  - WOMAN: “Mmm! BOTH: I never want to have sex again.”
  - “(chuckles) That's not gonna be us, right? Like, when we get married, it's not all fighting, no sex? What? No way.”
  - “Up top, it packed the gals together like opening night of a Sex and the City movie.”
  - “Wait, are you one of those freaks who's sexually attracted to buildings? An objectophiliac? No way.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “It's suicide.”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “You son of a bitch.”
  - “(screams) Take her! You bitches best get out of my hiding spot.”
  - “We won't have a moment to ourselves once those old bastards latch onto us like leeches, but they're family and I love them.”
  - “" Ted, your speech sucks.”
  - “(chuckles) Why haven't we done this in forever? Ted, you know damn well why we haven't.”
  - “On it! Then we'll pour the Robin! Damn, that's smooth.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Ooh, what happened to that dress? (screaming) The drunks at the dry cleaners destroyed it.”
  - “(growls) Ha! Whoo! (both grunting) Ha! (both gasp) We'll switch it with this cheap bottle of whiskey.”
  - “No big deal? We destroyed their 30-year Glen McKenna and replaced it with cheap booze, ketchup and hand sanny.”

## S9 E4 — 4. The Broken Code
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0904.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: While Barney works through his anger at Ted after finding out he still has feelings for Robin, Marshall Skypes in to act as a judge and help settle their dispute. Meanwhile, Lily realizes she is Robin's only girlfriend.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “(laughs) (both laughing) Hey, this might sound a little nutty, but how about we inject a sexual edge into our abiding friendship that BOTH: in no way jeopardizes our emotional connection, or respective marriages?!”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “And the queens are naked.”
  - “(groans) Well, everywhere except for my boobs.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “(sighs) Whenever I try to talk to women, they look like they want to punch me.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “She sounds great! She's actually kind of a bitch.”
  - “Yay! I love Robin so much! (quietly): Oh, God, I'm gonna strangle that bitch.”
  - “(sucks air through teeth) Hey, buddy, listen, you're gonna kill me, but I forgot to bring the table cards.”
  - “(sucks air through teeth) Hey, buddy, listen, my great-aunt Ida has corns on her feet and needs a first-floor room.”
  - “Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order.”
  - “Sister? Who needs a lady hug? Ugh! What the hell are you doing?! Wait.”
  - “I'm pissed off because the Rangers just lost to the Boston Bruins.”
  - “Well, then, try harder! I'm marrying her in less than two days! What the hell are we gonna do about this?! NARRATOR: As she watched Robin make a new friend, Lily was happy for two seconds.”

## S9 E5 — 5. The Poker Game
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0905.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney is forced to pick sides in a fight between Robin and his mother, Lily coaches him on how not to ruin his relationship. Meanwhile, Ted and Marshall get into a dispute over wedding gifts and thank-you.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 3 moment(s)
  - “I'm gonna tell you what I told frampton's guitar tech When he couldn't find a condom: Let's gamble.”
  - “And, so help me, you and I will never have sex again If you don't give back their bluff.”
  - “But robin lets me do sex to her.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “You two shared bunk beds and baseball mitts, And, when you were hungry, these supple breasts.”
  - “That's a really pretty bra, mom.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “Game on, bitch.”
  - “We're not stopping! This road trip sucks! Narrator: Barney's bachelor poker game was winding down.”
  - “So we could not give him a wedding gift, And he would know exactly how it feels! Baby, I'm as pissed as you are, but we're getting them a gift.”
  - “Stuff! Damn it.”
  - “Ted's a rat bastard! Never mention his name again! Your coffeemaker? Ted got you that.”

## S9 E6 — 6. Knight Vision
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0906.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Ted finds himself with three prospects to be his date for the wedding weekend, he chooses poorly. Meanwhile, Barney and Robin have a confrontation with their minister, and Marshall learns more about his driving companion, Daphne..
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 5 moment(s)
  - “I needed help hooking up my stereo, So I walked down the hall, and I just knew I should knock on this one door.”
  - “I needed help hooking up my stereo, So I walked down the hall, and I just knew That I should knock on this one door.”
  - “I love that we keep a running tally Of all the different rooms we've had sex in.”
  - “This close to finally having sex again.”
  - “Yeah, during sex, She sounds exactly like a car alarm from the '90s.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - Sad story: “12 years ago, her gymnast career Was tragically cut short when her boobs got too big.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “And I love that your marriage proposal Involved a strip club, lying to me, And pretending to bang the woman I hate for two months.”
- Slut-shaming — 2 moment(s)
  - “You're dressed like a whore.”
  - “…married! But what can I say? My husband's a sociopath Who's slept with over a hundred women, And I'm a slut who once let my boss feel me up.”

## S9 E7 — 7. No Questions Asked
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0907.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Daphne sends a troubling text message to Lily, Marshall enlists the gang's help to remove the message while enforcing the "No Questions Asked" rule.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Just because you didn't know better than to take a naked selfie while you were in the coldest part of the country First, I'm an Eriksen.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Dubbed "Dearduff the Hooker," he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook.”
  - “Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848.”
  - “Where is she? All right, I'll take a lap dance.”
- Violence & injury — 5 moment(s)
  - “Dubbed "Dearduff the Hooker," he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook.”
  - “Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848.”
  - “Why? Because when we leave the church, a few of the gun enthusiasts in my family are gonna fire a 21-gun salute.”
  - “I just wish I would've known about the guns.”
  - “(coughing) Wh-Why do you have a gun? Why do you always have a gun? (quietly): Where's Lily? She went up 20 minutes ago.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Lobster, caviar, champagne.”
- Slut-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “So you're saying you didn't order room service and you didn't order Prison Sluts Nine? I am saying I did not order room service.”

## S9 E8 — 8. The Lighthouse
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0908.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 1/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Robin and Loretta's conflict escalates, Barney is caught in the middle. Meanwhile, Marshall and Daphne deal with a stowaway on their road trip, and Ted and Cassie try to enjoy a trip to a lighthouse.
Watch for:
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “(whistles, blows raspberry) I don't want your blood on my hands, and I mean that literally, because it would be my job to to hose down the rocks.”
  - “Oh, I can hear my blood right now.”
- Swearing — 8 moment(s)
  - “Game on, bitch.”
  - “Morning, bitches.”
  - “(inhales deeply) (exhales) Son of a bitch!”
  - “Like my new blouse? Oh, hell, no! No, Mom.”
  - “I guess Daphne gets to pick the music and crap all over my fun road-trip games.”
  - “So just do the damn trust falls.”
  - “No! (sucks air through teeth) You threw a live grenade into my marriage.”
  - “But you know what sucks? When I was at the top of that lighthouse, despite everything else Wow.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “Yes, this has booze in it.”
  - “And I wasted it.”

## S9 E9 — 9. Platonish
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0909.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: In a flashback episode, the gang ponders the future of the Ted, Robin and Barney love triangle. Meanwhile, Barney accepts a series of challenges from Lily and Robin.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - Symposium: “two people are only platonic if in the next 20 minutes there is no chance of them hooking up.”
  - NARRATOR: “Marshall and Robin wouldn't hook up even if this happened: Marshall, Robin! If you guys don't full-on make out in the next 20 minutes, they're gonna blow me up and everyone in this bar! My God, no! Anyone but Robin.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Um, why is picking up a drunk chick sitting alone and rubbing a tan line on her finger where a wedding ring used to be, a challenge? Because I said challenge accepted.”
  - “(chittering) Wow, was that three glasses of wine? Where does the time go (chitters) (chuckles) Look, I know that you need to get back to your studies.”
  - “(cell phone ringing) I'm gonna go grab us some beers.”

## S9 E10 — Mom and Dad
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0910.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 1/5, language 4/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney's father arrives at the hotel, Barney devises a plan that makes Robin very nervous. Meanwhile, Ted is convinced someone framed him by messing up a wedding-related.
Watch for:
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 1 moment(s)
  - “No, Barney lowered in a TV showing some pretty graphic 1970s pornography.”
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “She's been missing all day, a-and I found what appears to be a-a suicide note on my bed.”
- Swearing — 7 moment(s)
  - “" Mm, Detective Mosby is the case-crackingest private dick on the scene.”
  - “Give me back my wife, you son of a bitch! (screaming)”
  - “That crap grows on you.”
  - “Shut up! Music sucks! Scotland sucks! You suck! Just drive, pumpkin head.”
  - “(gasps) My calligraphy ink! I mean, the Gretzky photo! Some bastard snuck into my room and spilled ink all over the Gretzky photo I was holding for Barney.”
  - “Damn it! My greatest failure.”
  - “I'm not blind but what are you getting at? You know damn well what I'm getting at! You're jealous I got the Best Mansmanship back, so you destroyed that photo as part of some diabolical scheme to make me look bad.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 2 moment(s)
  - “(R&B music playing) I said, bang Well, we don't need wine.”
  - “Bang Bangity bang We don't need champagne, either.”

## S9 E11 — Bedtime Stories
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0911.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Marshall tries to get Marvin to sleep by reciting three rhyming bedtime tales about his friends as they wind down their epic cross-country journey.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “So many great things 'bout this girl: her boobs, her rack, her chest.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “And as she tried to stammer some excuse to get away, Simon said: Our wedding cake is pretty bitchin', eh? And so was born the worst idea poor Robin's ever had.”
  - “Now, what shall we read? Oh, crap, I left his book in the car! (crying) That blows.”
  - “How about blackened miso cod? TED: Is it Joe Girardi? Holy crap, is it A-Rod?! Okay, Ted, calm down.”
  - “But Canada, damn it, ask any man on the planet and watch their stammerin' stamina as they clamor and cram it into the…”
  - “As I departed, having bid this busty babe buh-bye, I stopped and looked around, and wondered: Where the hell am I?”
- Alcohol & drugs — 5 moment(s)
  - “Forgive me, but before you got here, did you smoke a joint? You don't tell kids a tale that crass! NARRATOR: I guess he had a point.”
  - “It's easier to-- I don't know-- get drunk and try to climb a bull.”
  - “She ordered up a beer.”
  - “She's sipping Chardonnay, not pounding cherry-flavored booze.”
  - “Carlotta, some champagne.”

## S9 E12 — The Rehearsal Dinner
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0912.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Barney becomes fixated on having his rehearsal dinner at a laser tag arena, much to Robin's dismay. Meanwhile, Ted doesn't come through on a promise, which aggravates Lily.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “Inflatable sex toy life raft.”
  - “Damn it! Debbie's getting a divorce? Yeah, she walked in on her husband having sex.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Gluten-free edible panties.”
  - “The breast augmentation channel.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - Let me guess: “there was a stripper.”
  - “The night of my bachelor party, my friends took me to a crappy hotel, hired my ex-fiancée to be the stripper, I lost thousands of dollars, and my best friend even had his hand cut off.”
  - “,included an appearance by my favorite actor-- non-porn category.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “But seriously, Hmm? did you get everything set up over there? Do you have enough food, have enough guns?”
- Swearing — 6 moment(s)
  - “And if you rearrange the letters and add some other ones, it says, "Get ready, Barney, for the biggest surprise ever, you handsome son of a" and then not quite enough letters for "bitch," but good try, Robin.”
  - “She put me through hell just to give me the best surprise of my lifewhich, p.”
  - “Damn it! Ooh! I should call Marshall.”
  - “That selfish bastard! (phone rings) Sorry, Lil.”
  - “A marriage has to be built on honesty and trust and all of that Lily- and-Marshall crap.”
  - “I though our marriage was built on honesty and trust and all that Lily- and-Marshal crap.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “Which brings us to earlier today, when Robin was setting up the decoy rehearsal dinner, complete with fake booze.”
  - “Yes, Barney, the booze is real.”
  - “We're gonna have a nice dinner, some drinks, and then, according to Robin, if her Aunt Edith gets drunk enough, she'll take off her wig and they'll play hockey with it.”

## S9 E13 — Bass Player Wanted
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0913.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: The gang encounters a guy at the wedding who intentionally stirs up trouble among them, and Marshall finally arrives at the Farhampton Inn.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 2 moment(s)
  - “I have not! You have been sleeping with a doll made of cushions that you named after him.”
  - “Aw (chuckles) What's poppin', mi amigas? ROBIN: Oh, boy, who's this idiot? LILY: And which one of us is he gonna try to make the sex on? You both look beautiful tonight.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “You, me and this guy, naked, going at it.”
  - “" Name one other time I've said that! A suit made of prosciutto so you can eat your way naked, "That's the dream.”
- Violence & injury — 4 moment(s)
  - “Italy? (gasps) Total shot in the dark, but Rome? Maybe I'll just, like I'll get out right here.”
  - “I'm going back to the new Guns N' Roses.”
  - “I guess you have to accept that sometimes in life you just don't get that knockout punch.”
  - “(loud punch) (loud grunt) (all laughing) Hey, can I get some ice? The best man just punched me in the face for no reason.”
- Fat-shaming — 1 moment(s)
  - “And you don't need to lose weight, Louise, no matter what he told me.”

## S9 E14 — Slapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0914.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 1/5, language 1/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: In an attempt to deliver a devastating final slap to Barney, Marshall explains how he mastered the Slap of A Million Exploding Suns.
Watch for:
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, my God, you had a tree-way? And, Lily, you were okay with Marshall having an affair? What happens in the magical Gongqing Forest stays in the magical Gongqing Forest.”
- Violence & injury — 6 moment(s)
  - “You're saying that you committed a murder? I was trying to save him! Shh, baby, it's okay, you didn't mean to.”
  - “…is this feeling That's put you in your place? A hot red burning On the side of your face Ah You feel the blood rush To your cheek Tears start to fill your eyes Your lips are trembling, but you can't speak You're…”
  - “But is there a special class where I just learn slapping? We teach kung fu here.”
  - “Um, what I really need to learn is slapping.”
  - “(sighs) The point is, you need to go get slapped in the face by a bunch of gullible chicks Barney banged.”
  - “Why Cleveland? It's the city equivalent of being slapped in the face.”

## S9 E15 — Unpause
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0915.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: When Barney drinks too much, Ted and Robin take advantage of him and get him to reveal secrets he's been hiding for years. Meanwhile, Marshall does everything he can to avoid fighting with Lily.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “I've had sex in Ted's bed 14 times.”
  - “But as soon as we're done having sex, we are having that fight! Wait, so we're not gonna fight until after we're done having sex.”
  - “Um, so just, just to be clear, after we finish having sex, that's when we'll have our fight? That's right.”
  - “Think sexy thoughts.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “Lily's boobs always work for me.”
  - “Think sexy thoughts! Bugs with boobs LILY: Marshall, are you all right? You don't seem to be, um Please, uh, excuse Medium-Sized Fudge.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - “Figuring, on average, two meals out a week plus 20% tip Do you know how much money you cost me? What am I? A prostitute? You are not a prostitute.”
  - “No, a prostitute would've been cheaper.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Sho-sho-shoes, baby-baby-baby You guys can't still see where Marshall slapped me, can you? Your face looks like a "don't walk" signal.”
- Swearing — 2 moment(s)
  - “Barney Stinson, Barney Stinson You son of a bitch! That guy's awesome I will destroy you! Get your hands off of me.”
  - “(exhales) (exhales) Labor sucks, huh? Yeah.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 3 moment(s)
  - “(deep voice): Oo yah maya stupa koon! Ho ho ho! NARRATOR: Over the years, we'd seen all sorts of levels of Barney's drunkenness.”
  - “How you doin'? NARRATOR: "Richard Dawson drunk" Ah, is this your sister?”
  - “" So drunk that his speech bore an uncanny resemblance to that of Jabba the Hutt from Return of the Jedi.”

## S9 E16 — How Your Mother Met Me
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0916.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: On the 200th episode, The Mother recounts how she met Ted and what she's been up to for the past eight years.
Watch for:
- Nudity & bodies — 4 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “What more do you want? Do you know how rough it is out there? I once met a guy claiming to be a genie whose penis grants wishes.”
  - “I call it "The Naked Man.”
  - “You know, for a minute there, I totally forgot you were naked.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “…geez, what is this knucklehead doing? Excuse me! Hey! You guys need a lift? DARREN: The best man just punched me in the face for no reason.”

## S9 E17 — Sunrise
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0917.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: While out looking for an inebriated Barney on the day of the wedding, Robin and Ted reminisce about past relationships. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily finally resolve their issues and Barney befriends two young guys eager to meet women.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “And my condom expired.”
- Nudity & bodies — 3 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “The penis-building guy? They're not all penis buildings.”
  - “That one, it doesn't look like a penis, anyway.”
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 4 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “We're going to a strip club.”
  - “(laughs) Strip club? We're in the middle of nowhere.”
  - “Then, one day, you'll date a stripper and almost marry her, and after that, you'll realize you're done with strip clubs.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “If I have to hold the shotgun myself, it's happening.”
  - “I thought you don't like guns.”

## S9 E18 — Rally
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0918.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: When Barney suffers from the world's worst hangover the morning of his wedding, the gang tries to figure out the far-fetched ingredients to concoct the Stinson Hangover Fixer Elixir.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “Lily Aldrin? Let's make out.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “But won't he understand a good old fashioned hangover? My father's recipe for a Bloody Mary trades out tomato juice for wolf's blood.”
  - “Bloody Mary? Sounds more like a Bloody Scary.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “Okay, let's do this! Bitch? Walk out that door and I tag in Zabka as my maid of honor.”
  - “Oh, what are we gonna do without you in the house? (groans) We got him out of the house! Drink up! (grunts) (whoops) Oh You son of a bitch! You son of a me! All right, we got most of the ingredients on our list.”
  - “Damn it, Barney! Why are you always so selfish?! We are trying to help you! ROBIN: Okay, we somehow have to get this leaky barf bag back on his feet before the wedding pictures.”
  - “May you rot in the bacon-less hell that I've lived in my entire life.”
  - “(groans) My dad's gonna be so pissed.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 8 moment(s)
  - “Oh, my God! You know that there is gonna be champagne at this party, right? I know, I know.”
  - “You are gonna be so hungover tomorrow.”
  - MARSHALL: “That's it! You know what? We are all now seriously too old to keep doing this to ourselves! I vow here and now that I shall never again get that drunk in my life! NARRATOR: Yeah, he'd wind up breaking that vow.”
  - NARRATOR: “See, over the years, we'd all come to experience something Barney called Stinson's Hangover Fixer Elixir! The most effective post-bender, head's-too-tender ender from here to Denver.”
  - “President Franklin Delano Roosevelt, whom we all know is most famous for being a world-class drunk, commissioned a top-secret scientific project-- develop an elixir to cure the common hangover.”
  - “No good comes from hanging out in bars and getting drunk.”
  - “Also, uh, we need it to help a friend recover from a hangover.”
  - “Remember? Marshall thought he botched day two of the bar exam, so he freaked out that night and got wasted?”

## S9 E19 — Vesuvius
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0919.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 4/5, language 2/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: On the morning of the wedding, Lily and Robin have a fight and Barney freaks out about which suit to wear. Meanwhile, the gang watches a movie Ted has forbidden them to see.
Watch for:
- Porn / strippers / sex work — 2 moment(s)
  - Stripper or strip-club material shows up in the plot.
  - “Like the one where my college roommates and I went to this male strip club And your friend Dongnose got smacked on the nose with a dong? I know that one.”

## S9 E20 — Daisy
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0920.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 3/5, language 2/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: Marshall enlists Ted and Barney to help him figure out where Lily went when she left in the middle of their fight.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “When Lily and Marshall are apart for an extended period of time, what is the one thing Lily always does? Cry? Masturbate? Karate? Go sailing? No.”
- Nudity & bodies — 1 moment(s)
  - “Oh, they are both naked.”
- Violence & injury — 2 moment(s)
  - “Drink the blood of your vanquished enemy and move on.”
  - “Marshall do you want to go over to the Captain's house right now, punch him in the face really fast and then come back and do this wedding? Would that be okay? Ranjit, get the car.”

## S9 E21 — Gary Blauman
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0921.html
Scores: violence 1/5, sex 2/5, language 2/5, overall 2/5 (Mild — okay from about 12+)
Summary: When Gary Blauman shows up at the wedding, it sends the gang into a frenzy as they each recall an encounter with him.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 1 moment(s)
  - “When he was Assistant Secretary of the Navy Will you just pick one of us already so I can either have sex or go to sleep! Smooth, bro.”
- Nudity & bodies — 2 moment(s)
  - “It was a stroke of luck on par with the 50-page manuscript in Roosevelt's breast pocket that helped slow that would-be assassin's bullet.”
  - “Go sign the Payne-Aldrich Tariff Act, Taft! (gasps)How dare you? Skinny-dipping in the Potomac River.”
- Affairs / cheating — 1 moment(s)
  - “Gary's the guy that I had an affair with.”

## S9 E22 — The End of the Aisle
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0922.html
Scores: violence 3/5, sex 1/5, language 3/5, overall 3/5 (Preview first — about 12+)
Summary: With only a half-hour to go, both Barney and Robin have panic attacks about their upcoming nuptials. Meanwhile, Marshall and Lily rewrite their old wedding vows.
Watch for:
- Suicide & self-harm — 1 moment(s)
  - “What do you think I'm writing? Suicide note? Hey-yo! (laughs) Oh, God, is it a suicide note? Oh, my God, how many pills did you take? Quick.”
- Swearing — 4 moment(s)
  - “We're Marshmallow and Lilypad, bitch.”
  - “What the hell are you doing? I just I can't go through with this! No, no.”
  - “Hell, Ted even cried.”
  - “So I'm just gonna run away alone! (panting) Damn it.”

## S9 E23 — Last Forever (1)
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0923.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Ted finally finishes telling his kids the story of how he met their mother.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “There's only one way I'd let either of you have sex with her.”
  - “So the only way you're allowed to hook up with her is if you marry her.”
  - “…three-year mark-- would you take it? Before I answer that, real quick: you want to get super drunk and have sex right now?”
  - “Think of all the sex you're gonna ha.”
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “How was work? My-my boss only called me three words that meant "vagina" today.”
  - “What if I see a pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus? Or, better yet, what if I see boobs? Who am I who am I gonna high five then? You can high five Marshall.”
  - “But Marshall only likes to high five about Lily boobs.”
  - “(laughing) What's going on? She's getting a boob job.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Too rich for my blood.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “And we need some estrogen up in this bitch.”
  - TED: “That son of a bitch did it.”
  - “How do you say good-bye to so many special memories? Cock-a-mouse! We have to move! (dance music playing) (laughs) Hey, Marshall.”
  - “Damn it, Barney.”
  - “But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Barney, if you start brewing your own beer now and nail my prom date, so help me Years too late on one of those, Teddy.”

## S9 E24 — Last Forever (2)
URL: https://watchwiththekids.com/ep/how-i-met-your-mother/0924.html
Scores: violence 2/5, sex 4/5, language 3/5, overall 4/5 (Skip for under 13)
Summary: Ted finally finishes telling his kids the story of how he met their mother.
Watch for:
- Sex & hookups — 4 moment(s)
  - “There's only one way I'd let either of you have sex with her.”
  - “So the only way you're allowed to hook up with her is if you marry her.”
  - “…three-year mark-- would you take it? Before I answer that, real quick: you want to get super drunk and have sex right now?”
  - “Think of all the sex you're gonna ha.”
- Nudity & bodies — 5 moment(s)
  - Explicit body / sex-act language appears in dialogue.
  - “How was work? My-my boss only called me three words that meant "vagina" today.”
  - “What if I see a pack of lions fighting a tyrannosaurus? Or, better yet, what if I see boobs? Who am I who am I gonna high five then? You can high five Marshall.”
  - “But Marshall only likes to high five about Lily boobs.”
  - “(laughing) What's going on? She's getting a boob job.”
- Violence & injury — 1 moment(s)
  - “Too rich for my blood.”
- Swearing — 5 moment(s)
  - “And we need some estrogen up in this bitch.”
  - TED: “That son of a bitch did it.”
  - “How do you say good-bye to so many special memories? Cock-a-mouse! We have to move! (dance music playing) (laughs) Hey, Marshall.”
  - “Damn it, Barney.”
  - “But I'm glad it was long and difficult, because if I hadn't gone through hell to get there, the lesson might not have been as clear.”
- Alcohol & drugs — 1 moment(s)
  - “Barney, if you start brewing your own beer now and nail my prom date, so help me Years too late on one of those, Teddy.”