Content guide
Skip for under 14
Family Guy S13 E6, “6. The 2000-Year-Old Virgin”, scores 3/5 for violence, 4/5 for sex and 3/5 for language, for an overall kid-rating of 4/5 — Skip for under 14. Peter is stunned to run into Jesus at the mall, and even more stunned to discover that he is still a virgin, so Peter recruits Quagmire and Cleveland to celebrate Jesus' birthday by finding a way to end his celibacy.
Across the episode we counted 28 flagged moments in 8 themes: Sex & hookups (12); Nudity & bodies (2); Porn / strippers / sex work (1); Affairs / cheating (1); Violence & injury (3); Swearing (3); Alcohol & drugs (3); Slut-shaming (3). Every moment below is either a direct quote from the episode transcript or a short description of what happens on screen, so you can decide before you press play.
Watch for — every moment, theme by theme
Sex & hookups 12 moments
How Sex & hookups shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
Horny ones who sex on you.
Jesus, have you ever been with a woman? Are you are you a virgin? Yeah, I am.
What do you mean? I'm saying, Jesus, we are gonna help you lose your virginity.
God, I love sex! All right, me and the guys are off to help Jesus lose his virginity.
You want me to have sex with another man? Oh, not just any man, Lois.
Why? What's wrong with our marriage? "What's wrong with our marriage?" You're sitting around, talking about sleeping with other guys! Peter, this was your idea! Lois, let's not play the blame game.
Sleeping with Jesus just feels wrong.
Hey, do you think if I let Jesus sleep with Bonnie, he'd give me back the use of my legs? Joe, I don't speak for Jesus.
Listen, pal, Jesus ain't no virgin.
Damn it! Get out! I need this car! What are you, a cop? No! Jesus is about to have sex with my wife!
It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV But where are those good old-fashioned values On which we used to rely?
She's all like, "Oh, there's all these guys having sex with me for money.
Nudity & bodies 2 moments
How Nudity & bodies shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
All right, guys, here's what I'm thinking-- a whole festival of muddy boobs.
That's a good way to get those muddy boobs moving.
Porn / strippers / sex work 1 moment
How Porn / strippers / sex work shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
How the hell does that happen? Well, in high school, my best friend was this hot prostitute, and I just kind of got into the friend zone.
Affairs / cheating 1 moment
How Affairs / cheating shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
Clearly, there's been a lot of cheating on both sides, but the point is where do we go from here? Huh, I don't know.
Violence & injury 3 moments
How Violence & injury shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
I even forgave the man who murdered my son.
That's my blood, you know.
Yeah, I like to pretend it's mine down there what's doing all the slapping.
Swearing 3 moments
How Swearing shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
A-Are you okay with someone who wanders the desert, lecturing people on how to act? So, are you having a good Friday? Oh, is that supposed to be funny? Shut your mouth, bitch.
Lois! Lois! You son of a bitch! What have you done to my marriage?! Peter? Lois, don't do this! I think I had, like, a Christmas miracle.
What the hell? But he's so lonely.
Alcohol & drugs 3 moments
How Alcohol & drugs shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
Why don't you come over to my place for a beer or something? Aw, that sounds great! Hey, you want me to pick anything up on the way over or no, you're good? Oh, uh I-I guess we could maybe just order something.
How's the wine? It's terrific.
He put actual strawberries in a glass of champagne, which was about the classiest, sexiest thing I'd ever seen.
Slut-shaming 3 moments
How Slut-shaming shows up in Family Guy S13 E6:
Oh, and I'm gonna dress like a slut and be rude to everyone for no reason.
Just some random slut to maul in a bar back where the payphones used to be.
Aw, crap! I just pulled a thousand muscles! Ow! That was a loud crack! Ah, yeah, that was all bone! Oh! Aw! Son of a whore! Oh, this is bad.
Watch With The Kids · You kids — your rules! · Informal parent guidance, not an official rating.